


The Day the Rain Came

by bright73



Series: Post series, the Sweetwater Tales [4]
Category: Young Riders
Genre: Drama, F/M, Gen, Mental Disorder, Revenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-06-26
Updated: 2001-06-25
Packaged: 2017-10-20 18:13:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 63,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/215697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bright73/pseuds/bright73
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the worst drought in decades. The heat of early summer is threatening to suffocate Sweetwater.<br/>Then the fires begin and with then the mysterious deaths.<br/>Rumors are started, jealous and hatred blossom.<br/>The struggle for the crops and the ranch means nothing when loved ones are at stake.<br/>Something or somebody is out to get the town and no-one is safe.<br/>Will it be too late the day the rain comes?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He instinctively knew something was wrong. Turning to his side he checked the sleeping Dawn, brushing away the hair from her sweaty brow and placing a tender kiss on her hot cheek. His wife grunted in her sleep and mumbled something he didn't make out. A smile crept up on his face, she seemed just fine.

But the feeling didn't go away.

Rising to go into the next room and check on Blossom, he shook his head, he was probably just imagining things. The last weeks heat was getting to him too, the lack of sleep and the suffocating stillness in the air making them all irritated and grumpy. He'd have to take his women to the swimming hole and have them cool down. Peeking inside their daughter's room he smiled, the dark haired angel was sleeping soundly.

Crouching besides the small bed he looked at their daughter, amazed at the wonder of life. He had never believed this would be his part, a father of a beautiful little girl and soon to the "lump" too. He smiled watching Blossom, safe in their world, so different from his at her age. He had not known where he belonged or what would be. Blossom belonged right here, with them, and she would never have to feel the fears and the mistrust he had felt in his early years. He'd see to that himself. He loved her more than anything in this world, and he would give everything to see her happy and safe. Anything.

He remembered the deep despair he had felt the day Ike died, somehow he felt like his life was over too. His best friend had left him, and he had killed a man. It was one of the darkest moments he had, and back then he couldn't see himself living in the white world. Back then he truly had wondered why keep going on?

And then Dawn, the first chance he had he rode out to meet her. And she had spotted his despair from a far, she knew even before he dismounted his horse. He was angry at everybody, at Emily for getting Ike killed, at Ike for getting killed, at the whole world for allowing this to happen. But seeing her had made all the difference. Why - he still didn't know, he just knew it in that moment his eyes met hers. He just knew that life indeed had to go on, that there was so much left for him. That he had to experience it all for Ike's sake, and for his own. Maybe because in that moment he understood he'd give his life for Dawn too, without regrets. It was just a given, the one you love you protect with your life if necessary. And he reconciled with the memory of Ike, he was still sad, but the anger left him and he was able to look ahead.

That day when she held him in her arms he cried onto her shoulder, a little ashamed over his emotionality but safe in her arms. Safe enough to let it all out. She was the only one in this world who was allowed to share his deep sorrow over his friend's death. The only one to see his tears.

And now everything was different, she was proud of her Indian heritage, she didn't share his emotions though she understood them. But she was able to give Blossom the foundation for understanding the different worlds, he would not have been able to do so. He was too torn.

Rising to his feet he looked sown on his daughter again, not believing he had been bestowed with an own family, a wife and a daughter, and a little one yet to come. Nothing or nobody would take this away from him.

Downstairs the door was pulled open and a frantic voice voice called his name.

"Teaspoon?" He ran down the stairs, the alarm in the man's voice startling him.

"Fire!" The man replied out of breath.

"What?"

Teaspoon slumped down onto the chair by the table, "Vickery's farm is on fire, spreading fast, gotta go stop it from burning the town. I sent Miah to saddle three horses for us, we gotta ride out there."

Buck turned at the sound of footsteps coming rapidly down the stairs. He cringed at the sudden image of her falling down the stairs that appeared before him. "Don't run..."

Her glare effectively silenced him. "What's wrong Teaspoon?"

Her eyes washing over the man on the chair, then she turned and walked over to fill a glass with water. She handed him the water, watching him while he emptied the glass in three large gulps. The smell of smoke lingering in the room, the shirt Teaspoon was wearing was black of soot, the stench of dead fire all around him.

"Teaspoon?" Dawn asked at last, placing herself at his side. Her voice pleading.

"There's a fire at Vickery's," Buck hesitated to tell Dawn, he knew she was friends with Mallory and Stu, so was he.

"No," Dawn let out in a muffled scream, "oh God, how bad?" Grabbing Teaspoon's arm that laid across the table.

Teaspoon looked up at her, not saying a word he extended a hand to stroke her cheek. Looking at her for a long while, like pondering if he dared reveal the outcome. Dane rose to her feet. Teaspoon knew that she might just as well ride out there herself if he didn't tell her. "I'm so sorry, Tai-me. Stu didn't make it, and the baby...well the Doc don't know, he's inhaled an awful lotta smoke for being so small. The rest of them outta make it, but..."

"NO!" Dawn bowed her head, eyes clutched shut like she was in physical pain, her fist slamming onto the table. Teaspoon rose to his feet and awkwardly embraced her.

"I'm so sorry, there was nothing we could do, I'm so sorry." He turned to Buck, motioning for him to get the Kid and Lou.

Buck nodded, the news making his limbs feel heavy and uncooperative. It could have been us, the Vickery's were just like us. It could have been us.

 

 

The alarm on Buck's face as he met them in the middle of the yard took the rest of her breath away. Her tension grew while watching Kid stop and reposition Emma in his lap, like shielding the sleeping child from Buck's worry.

"What's wrong Buck?" Her breath finally allowing her to speak. "What is this all about? Why's Teaspoon here?"

"A fire," Buck said silently, looking over the bunch standing in front of him, Tessa coming up behind Lou. "At the Vickery's."

Oh God," her breath got caught again. Instinctively she reached out for Tessa standing behind her, grabbing her hand, ""where's Miah?" Her eyes taking in Kid with Emma in his arms. Summoning her family up, trying to reassure herself.

"In the barn, we gotta ride out to help," Buck informed them.

"How bad?" Kid asked.

Lou spotted the glance Buck shot her husband. And she felt a shiver run down her spine. The brief glance had told her enough. She clutched Tessa close. A fire in this draught. The possible ramifications left her trembling.

Kid looked briefly at her, sensing her fear. "Com'on Lou, let's get these children inside before we ride out. It's gonna be fine Lou, we'll stop it from spreading.

Walking up to them, freeing a hand to lay it around her shoulders. A comforting smile in Tessa's direction. "Com'on girls." Following Buck he steered them to the door.

She looked at her husband, not believing his self-confidence. Didn't he understand what it meant? Stu's and Mallory's homestead was in flames. Mallory had just had a baby, two weeks ago. Only last Thursday she and Dawn had gone to visit them. The little one looking just like Stu according to Mal. The proud mother and their mutual concern over the crops and the future, would they be able to meet with the bank's requirement if the crops died out? A nagging worry they all shares. What if...what if? And now this, their home burning, where would they stay? How would they... Then it hit on her, a fire! Had they gotten out all right. The children? Numb she walked through the open door, into the silent kitchen. Dawn sitting at the table, Teaspoon at her side. Both looking at them as they stepped inside.

She read the answer in Dawn's eyes as she shook her head and her lips formed the word 'Stu'.

Lou buried her face in Kid's shirt, her hands clasping the material. She felt nauseated by the news, part of her wanted to scream, part of her was grateful it wasn't them, that it wasn't Kid or Buck. .

"He died?" Tessa asked, " Stu's dead?"

"I'm sorry pumpkin," Teaspoon said and took the shocked girl into his embrace, "he tried to save Ellis, he had to go back inside the house and search for him. He didn't know Ellis had ridden out to get help. The roof caved in over him, I don't think he suffered. He must have inhaled enough smoke to croak anybody. But the little boy, well...there's not much chance to tell you the truth."

Oh gracious Lord, it could have been us! Instantly she felt ashamed of the thought that crossed her mind. For a brief moment she had felt gracious that it wasn't them. It could just as well have been. The guilt the thought brought along had her bite down on her lip, I didn't mean it, really! "I'll come with you, someone's gotta see to Mallory and the kids!

"No need, Lou, the vicar's wife took 'em all in. Better leave 'em alone for the time being, trust me."

She met with Teaspoon's eyes, ready to contradict him. She wanted to be of use! But the resign in the man's eyes made her hold her tongue. There was a sorrow in them she hadn't been prepared for, a resign almost. "Teaspoon?"

"Lou, I don't wanna alarm you or nothing, but if the wind starts up - well it might be that the fire gets a new hold and we don't know what direction it might take. You know it's not too far from here."

Then it dawned on her what Teaspoon was implying; A little wind, the dry grass, the trees. It wouldn't take much and there was only a couple of houses between them and Mal and Stu's. A couple of houses to feed the fire. Blankly she stared at him, her fingers digging into Kid's arm.

"I'll take Emma upstairs," Buck offered at the sight of Kid standing with a sleeping girl and a shocked Lou at his side, his face ashen and drawn. "I'll tuck her in with Blossom."

"Thanks."

Lou let go of Kid and shook her head, "No I'll take my baby, you get ready to ride out."

As she stumbled up the stairs the only thing she thought was; no no no, not like this, don't let us loose everything like this!

She watched Miah outside with the horses as she ran down the stairs. Dawn's tense voice as she held on to Buck, telling him something. Buck nodded and took the canteen she was handing him.

Water! It was scarce enough as it was, if they would have to fight a fire with what they had left in the well they'd have no chance. Where will this end?

Tessa was talking to Kid, tugging at his sleeve insistently. Kid looked at her and shook his head pensively, but Tessa persisted. With a glance over at Lou he nodded and said; "Take Katy."

"What?" Lou had to walk up closer to them, wondering what they were cooking up this time. Surely he didn't expect Tessa to ride out to the watering hole and see to the animals, that was her job. "What'ya mean take Katy?"

"I'm, gonna go get Rachel," Tessa responded, "I think it's..."

"You?" Lou exploded, "and you're letting her Kid?"

"Oh lord," Tessa moaned, throwing the hands up in the air. "Here it comes! I swear this heat is gettin' to ya sis!"

"But you can't go Tessa, I'll go, You stay here and watch Emma, just in..."

"Lou," Kid warned, "remember?"

She turned to him - furious, it wasn't long ago he'd rather tied her up before letting her go out do her job. Who the hell was he to tell her what to do or not when it came to her own sister? It had taken them breaking up before he got it into his thick skull that she was capable. "Just you shut up," she hissed at him. Turning to Tessa she saw the rebellion in her sisters stance, the exact same rebellion she had felt against Kid's overprotection. But it ain't the same, Tessa's too young to...

Ashamed she looked to the floor, "Yeah, take Katy."

When they moved to mount the horses Lou's hand gripped Kid's shirt hard, forcing him to stay put. Wondering he looked at her. She wanted to tell him a million things, she wanted to tell him to see to it they were safe. But that would mean she'd turn into the worrying wife, a thing she had fought so hard not to become. And life was taking her there relentlessly. Here she was, home, while he rode out. Exactly what she had feared would happen. She had become the old nagging wife already, the nagger and the worrier. Lately so much had changed, she had changed. Never in her life had she thought she'd turn into this! And it wasn't even Kid's fault, somehow she had ended up doing all sorts of crazy things lately. Like telling Tessa what to do and what not to. Treating her like a child, a child she had long ago ceased to be. Nagging at Miah, screaming at Kid. For no reasons whatsoever.

"Ride safe," she said simply and let go off him.

She didn't turn to watch as they rode out, she just couldn't. Her heart was beating too fast from unsaid things. And she had caught the pillar of smoke rising to the sky.

Catching the expression in Dawn's eyes as her friend looked in the direction of the former homestead, the fear and the disbelief. The same sentiments she was fighting to keep back. It can't come here. It just can't.

"I hope they use the little sense they have, fighting that fire," Dawn mumbled, her eyes now on the disappearing men. "Coz' if they try something heroic and get hurt in the process, I'll wring their necks!"

Finally Lou turned to watch them ride away, mere spots in the stirred up dust. Like a ghostlike vision moving onwards, the cloud of dirt settling behind them. Dawn's words making her fear surface, the fear and the insistent nagging feeling that something awful was about to happen. Watching the smoke search for the skies, she shrugged. Embracing herself, trying to shield herself psychically from the premonition. "Oh God, Dawn, I have this awful feeling something's gonna happen. I don't think they're gonna be able to stop that fire, I think...."

"You're just imagining things Lou," Dawn interrupted her ramblings. "We'll be just dandy."

But Lou knew Dawn well enough to know she was lying through her teeth.

 

 

She woke with a start, the sun was up and the sounds that had lulled her to sleep were gone. The gentle roar of the fire had been replaced by the sounds of frenetic activity. Too far away behind the creek to actually make out the words the men shouted to each other she lay still watching. Cursing herself for having dozed off and not watching out for her creation. And now it was dying.

Remaining well hidden she watched the men fight her fire, subduing it. Taming in slowly, taking its force away. She hated them for that, that fire was hers and it should be respected, it should be feared. But they were killing it instead.

She couldn't make out the faces of the men killing her creation, they were too far off. More and more men were coming to aid, more and more of Sweetwater's inhabitants were signing their doom. She wanted to stand up and scream at them to leave her fire alone, to admire it instead of subduing it just to finally kill it.

The anger was choking her, she had to get away from the sight of the dying fire. Crawling away to her hiding place she shivered from the anger, the hatred those horrid men awoke in her. She'd find them all and ignite them into torches, making them victims of the fire's power, of her power. Like she had been their victim, they would now become hers. An eye for an eye.... Washing herself in the creek she looked at the distorted reflections of her pale skin and ruffled hair. She wasn't young and beautiful any longer, she looked dirty and torn. It was all Sweetwater's doing. And to think they thought they'd get away with taking her life away from her? She smiled at the reflection in the shallow water, realizing that the men killing her creation was just a way to give her more opportunities. She'd probably be alone home, with her children, if she had any. Her friend that had turned on her, her friend that had called her sick. The woman that married a complete looser and then had the audacity to call her sick! The pity on her face when Deputy Cain took her and steered her to the cell. The testimony against her. The faces of the crowd as they watched her like she was an abomination, a freak. Her feet and hands cuffed as they took her away. What would their faces express when she returned to take hers? What would they tell her when she got her vengeance? That they were sorry? Well, that wouldn't quite cut it. Exhilarated she laughed; of course, it would work out perfectly. This was her time and nobody would stop her.

This was the time to pay a visit to the Shannon's homestead.


	2. Chapter 2

He instinctively knew something was wrong. Turning to his side he checked the sleeping Dawn, brushing away the hair from her sweaty brow and placing a tender kiss on her hot cheek. His wife grunted in her sleep and mumbled something he didn't make out. A smile crept up on his face, she seemed just fine.

But the feeling didn't go away.

Rising to go into the next room and check on Blossom he shook his head, he was probably just imagining things. The last weeks heat was getting to him too, the lack of sleep and the suffocating stillness in the air making them all irritated and grumpy. He'd have to take his women to the swimming hole and have them cool down. Peeking inside their daughter's room he smiled, the dark haired angel was sleeping soundly.

Crouching besides the small bed he looked at their daughter, amazed at the wonder of life. He had never believed this would be his part, a father of a beautiful little girl and soon to the "lump" too. He smiled watching Blossom, safe in their world, so different from his at her age. He had not known where he belonged or what would be. Blossom belonged right here, with them, and she would never have to feel the fears and the mistrust he had felt in his early years. He'd see to that himself. He loved her more than anything in this world, and he would give everything to see her happy and safe. Anything.

He remembered the deep despair he had felt the day Ike died, somehow he felt like his life was over too. His best friend had left him, and he had killed a man. It was one of the darkest moments he had, and back then he couldn't see himself living in the white world. Back then he truly had wondered why keep going on?

And then Dawn, the first chance he had he rode out to meet her. And she had spotted his despair from a far, she knew even before he dismounted his horse. He was angry at everybody, at Emily for getting Ike killed, at Ike for getting killed, at the whole world for allowing this to happen. But seeing her had made all the difference. Why - he still didn't know, he just knew it in that moment his eyes met hers. He just knew that life indeed had to go on, that there was so much left for him. That he had to experience it all for Ike's sake, and for his own. Maybe because in that moment he understood he'd give his life for Dawn too, without regrets. It was just a given, the one you love you protect with your life if necessary. And he reconciled with the memory of Ike, he was still sad, but the anger left him and he was able to look ahead.

That day when she held him in her arms he cried onto her shoulder, a little ashamed over his emotionality but safe in her arms. Safe enough to let it all out. She was the only one in this world who was allowed to share his deep sorrow over his friend's death. The only one to see his tears.

And now everything was different, she was proud of her Indian heritage, she didn't share his emotions though she understood them. But she was able to give Blossom the foundation for understanding the different worlds, he would not have been able to do so. He was too torn.

Rising to his feet he looked sown on his daughter again, not believing he had been bestowed with an own family, a wife and a daughter, and a little one yet to come. Nothing or nobody would take this away from him.

Downstairs the door was pulled open and a frantic voice voice called his name.

"Teaspoon?" He ran down the stairs, the alarm in the man's voice startling him.

"Fire!" The man replied out of breath.

"What?"

Teaspoon slumped down onto the chair by the table, "Vickery's farm is on fire, spreading fast, gotta go stop it from burning the town. I sent Miah to saddle three horses for us, we gotta ride out there."

Buck turned at the sound of footsteps coming rapidly down the stairs. He cringed at the sudden image of her falling down the stairs that appeared before him. "Don't run..."

Her glare effectively silenced him. "What's wrong Teaspoon?"

Her eyes washing over the man on the chair, then she turned and walked over to fill a glass with water. She handed him the water, watching him while he emptied the glass in three large gulps. The smell of smoke lingering in the room, the shirt Teaspoon was wearing was black of soot, the stench of dead fire all around him.

"Teaspoon?" Dawn asked at last, placing herself at his side. Her voice pleading.

"There's a fire at Vickery's," Buck hesitated to tell Dawn, he knew she was friends with Mallory and Stu, so was he.

"No," Dawn let out in a muffled scream, "oh God, how bad?" Grabbing Teaspoon's arm that laid across the table.

Teaspoon looked up at her, not saying a word he extended a hand to stroke her cheek. Looking at her for a long while, like pondering if he dared reveal the outcome. Dane rose to her feet. Teaspoon knew that she might just as well ride out there herself if he didn't tell her. "I'm so sorry, Tai-me. Stu didn't make it, and the baby...well the Doc don't know, he's inhaled an awful lotta smoke for being so small. The rest of them outta make it, but..."

"NO!" Dawn bowed her head, eyes clutched shut like she was in physical pain, her fist slamming onto the table. Teaspoon rose to his feet and awkwardly embraced her.

"I'm so sorry, there was nothing we could do, I'm so sorry." He turned to Buck, motioning for him to get the Kid and Lou.

Buck nodded, the news making his limbs feel heavy and uncooperative. It could have been us, the Vickery's were just like us. It could have been us.

 

 

The alarm on Buck's face as he met them in the middle of the yard took the rest of her breath away. Her tension grew while watching Kid stop and reposition Emma in his lap, like shielding the sleeping child from Buck's worry.

"What's wrong Buck?" Her breath finally allowing her to speak. "What is this all about? Why's Teaspoon here?"

"A fire," Buck said silently, looking over the bunch standing in front of him, Tessa coming up behind Lou. "At the Vickery's."

Oh God," her breath got caught again. Instinctively she reached out for Tessa standing behind her, grabbing her hand, ""where's Miah?" Her eyes taking in Kid with Emma in his arms. Summoning her family up, trying to reassure herself.

"In the barn, we gotta ride out to help," Buck informed them.

"How bad?" Kid asked.

Lou spotted the glance Buck shot her husband. And she felt a shiver run down her spine. The brief glance had told her enough. She clutched Tessa close. A fire in this draught. The possible ramifications left her trembling.

Kid looked briefly at her, sensing her fear. "Com'on Lou, let's get these children inside before we ride out. It's gonna be fine Lou, we'll stop it from spreading.

Walking up to them, freeing a hand to lay it around her shoulders. A comforting smile in Tessa's direction. "Com'on girls." Following Buck he steered them to the door.

She looked at her husband, not believing his self-confidence. Didn't he understand what it meant? Stu's and Mallory's homestead was in flames. Mallory had just had a baby, two weeks ago. Only last Thursday she and Dawn had gone to visit them. The little one looking just like Stu according to Mal. The proud mother and their mutual concern over the crops and the future, would they be able to meet with the bank's requirement if the crops died out? A nagging worry they all shares. What if...what if? And now this, their home burning, where would they stay? How would they... Then it hit on her, a fire! Had they gotten out all right. The children? Numb she walked through the open door, into the silent kitchen. Dawn sitting at the table, Teaspoon at her side. Both looking at them as they stepped inside.

She read the answer in Dawn's eyes as she shook her head and her lips formed the word 'Stu'.

Lou buried her face in Kid's shirt, her hands clasping the material. She felt nauseated by the news, part of her wanted to scream, part of her was grateful it wasn't them, that it wasn't Kid or Buck. .

"He died?" Tessa asked, " Stu's dead?"

"I'm sorry pumpkin," Teaspoon said and took the shocked girl into his embrace, "he tried to save Ellis, he had to go back inside the house and search for him. He didn't know Ellis had ridden out to get help. The roof caved in over him, I don't think he suffered. He must have inhaled enough smoke to croak anybody. But the little boy, well...there's not much chance to tell you the truth."

Oh gracious Lord, it could have been us! Instantly she felt ashamed of the thought that crossed her mind. For a brief moment she had felt gracious that it wasn't them. It could just as well have been. The guilt the thought brought along had her bite down on her lip, I didn't mean it, really! "I'll come with you, someone's gotta see to Mallory and the kids!

"No need, Lou, the vicar's wife took 'em all in. Better leave 'em alone for the time being, trust me."

She met with Teaspoon's eyes, ready to contradict him. She wanted to be of use! But the resign in the man's eyes made her hold her tongue. There was a sorrow in them she hadn't been prepared for, a resign almost. "Teaspoon?"

"Lou, I don't wanna alarm you or nothing, but if the wind starts up - well it might be that the fire gets a new hold and we don't know what direction it might take. You know it's not too far from here."

Then it dawned on her what Teaspoon was implying; A little wind, the dry grass, the trees. It wouldn't take much and there was only a couple of houses between them and Mal and Stu's. A couple of houses to feed the fire. Blankly she stared at him, her fingers digging into Kid's arm.

"I'll take Emma upstairs," Buck offered at the sight of Kid standing with a sleeping girl and a shocked Lou at his side, his face ashen and drawn. "I'll tuck her in with Blossom."

"Thanks."

Lou let go of Kid and shook her head, "No I'll take my baby, you get ready to ride out."

As she stumbled up the stairs the only thing she thought was; no no no, not like this, don't let us loose everything like this!

She watched Miah outside with the horses as she ran down the stairs. Dawn's tense voice as she held on to Buck, telling him something. Buck nodded and took the canteen she was handing him.

Water! It was scarce enough as it was, if they would have to fight a fire with what they had left in the well they'd have no chance. Where will this end?

Tessa was talking to Kid, tugging at his sleeve insistently. Kid looked at her and shook his head pensively, but Tessa persisted. With a glance over at Lou he nodded and said; "Take Katy."

"What?" Lou had to walk up closer to them, wondering what they were cooking up this time. Surely he didn't expect Tessa to ride out to the watering hole and see to the animals, that was her job. "What'ya mean take Katy?"

"I'm, gonna go get Rachel," Tessa responded, "I think it's..."

"You?" Lou exploded, "and you're letting her Kid?"

"Oh lord," Tessa moaned, throwing the hands up in the air. "Here it comes! I swear this heat is gettin' to ya sis!"

"But you can't go Tessa, I'll go, You stay here and watch Emma, just in..."

"Lou," Kid warned, "remember?"

She turned to him - furious, it wasn't long ago he'd rather tied her up before letting her go out do her job. Who the hell was he to tell her what to do or not when it came to her own sister? It had taken them breaking up before he got it into his thick skull that she was capable. "Just you shut up," she hissed at him. Turning to Tessa she saw the rebellion in her sisters stance, the exact same rebellion she had felt against Kid's overprotection. But it ain't the same, Tessa's too young to...

Ashamed she looked to the floor, "Yeah, take Katy."

When they moved to mount the horses Lou's hand gripped Kid's shirt hard, forcing him to stay put. Wondering he looked at her. She wanted to tell him a million things, she wanted to tell him to see to it they were safe. But that would mean she'd turn into the worrying wife, a thing she had fought so hard not to become. And life was taking her there relentlessly. Here she was, home, while he rode out. Exactly what she had feared would happen. She had become the old nagging wife already, the nagger and the worrier. Lately so much had changed, she had changed. Never in her life had she thought she'd turn into this! And it wasn't even Kid's fault, somehow she had ended up doing all sorts of crazy things lately. Like telling Tessa what to do and what not to. Treating her like a child, a child she had long ago ceased to be. Nagging at Miah, screaming at Kid. For no reasons whatsoever.

"Ride safe," she said simply and let go off him.

She didn't turn to watch as they rode out, she just couldn't. Her heart was beating too fast from unsaid things. And she had caught the pillar of smoke rising to the sky.

Catching the expression in Dawn's eyes as her friend looked in the direction of the former homestead, the fear and the disbelief. The same sentiments she was fighting to keep back. It can't come here. It just can't.

"I hope they use the little sense they have, fighting that fire," Dawn mumbled, her eyes now on the disappearing men. "Coz' if they try something heroic and get hurt in the process, I'll wring their necks!"

Finally Lou turned to watch them ride away, mere spots in the stirred up dust. Like a ghostlike vision moving onwards, the cloud of dirt settling behind them. Dawn's words making her fear surface, the fear and the insistent nagging feeling that something awful was about to happen. Watching the smoke search for the skies, she shrugged. Embracing herself, trying to shield herself psychically from the premonition. "Oh God, Dawn, I have this awful feeling something's gonna happen. I don't think they're gonna be able to stop that fire, I think...."

"You're just imagining things Lou," Dawn interrupted her ramblings. "We'll be just dandy."

But Lou knew Dawn well enough to know she was lying through her teeth.

 

 

She woke with a start, the sun was up and the sounds that had lulled her to sleep were gone. The gentle roar of the fire had been replaced by the sounds of frenetic activity. Too far away behind the creek to actually make out the words the men shouted to each other she lay still watching. Cursing herself for having dozed off and not watching out for her creation. And now it was dying.

Remaining well hidden she watched the men fight her fire, subduing it. Taming in slowly, taking its force away. She hated them for that, that fire was hers and it should be respected, it should be feared. But they were killing it instead.

She couldn't make out the faces of the men killing her creation, they were too far off. More and more men were coming to aid, more and more of Sweetwater's inhabitants were signing their doom. She wanted to stand up and scream at them to leave her fire alone, to admire it instead of subduing it just to finally kill it.

The anger was choking her, she had to get away from the sight of the dying fire. Crawling away to her hiding place she shivered from the anger, the hatred those horrid men awoke in her. She'd find them all and ignite them into torches, making them victims of the fire's power, of her power. Like she had been their victim, they would now become hers. An eye for an eye.... Washing herself in the creek she looked at the distorted reflections of her pale skin and ruffled hair. She wasn't young and beautiful any longer, she looked dirty and torn. It was all Sweetwater's doing. And to think they thought they'd get away with taking her life away from her? She smiled at the reflection in the shallow water, realizing that the men killing her creation was just a way to give her more opportunities. She'd probably be alone home, with her children, if she had any. Her friend that had turned on her, her friend that had called her sick. The woman that married a complete looser and then had the audacity to call her sick! The pity on her face when Deputy Cain took her and steered her to the cell. The testimony against her. The faces of the crowd as they watched her like she was an abomination, a freak. Her feet and hands cuffed as they took her away. What would their faces express when she returned to take hers? What would they tell her when she got her vengeance? That they were sorry? Well, that wouldn't quite cut it. Exhilarated she laughed; of course, it would work out perfectly. This was her time and nobody would stop her.

This was the time to pay a visit to the Shannon's homestead.


	3. Chapter 3

All that was left of the house was the soot covered funnel. Around it lay black remnants of what had been a home. It reminded Buck of a cemetery, he shrugged as he looked over it. A cemetery of memories, where his friends had hoped to build a future. And this was all that was left of the hopes, burnt down debris. And in there somewhere, under the caved in roof laid the corpse of Stu. Buck couldn't begin to imagine what it must have been like, dying in those flames, thinking that a son was still in there somewhere. Fighting to get to him. The despair he must have felt, thinking his eldest child was being consumed by the flames, the same flames that would ultimately take his life.

He turned to look at the men fighting the fleeing fire. Having consumed the house it was on hunt for more nourishment, devouring everything that came in its way. It had no respect for anything, it took and left only ashes.

The smoke was making it hard to breathe, the stench making him nauseous. And the heat was unspeakable, even as the fire itself had moved on up the hill, taking the crops, the trees - everything. The men digging to stop it, the fire finding its way around, moving onwards.

Crouching he surveyed the signs, it must have started in the barn. But what could have made the barn ignite? There was nothing in the barn that would cause a fire. But the barn had evidently gone down first, the stones and rocks around the building were cooler than the ones around the house. Still it seemed illogical, it just wasn't right. If something would have caused a fire it should have been the stove inside the house, or a lantern? A candle? Just didn't seem right. Stu was very aware of the risks in the draught, he wouldn't have let anybody start a fire, any place. No lanterns were needed this time of year, and most certainly; nobody would use one carelessly!

Pensively he let his eyes survey the remaining foundation of the barn, it just wasn't right. The fire must have started in the early morning hours, and there had been no lightning, no thunder in this area for an entire month. Something wasn't right with this. Shaking his head he rose to his feet, he needed some answer to calm his mind. He knew he's have to talk to Mal and Ellis, ask them if they knew anything. He hated to have to do it but that was the only way to get some explanations.

He walked away from the ruin, there was nothing he could do for Stu now, he'd have to see to it more lives weren't claimed by the hungry beast. They'd have to steer it to the sandy plains, to starve it into submission. Looking up into the sky he prayed for some rain, but this was not the day the rain would come. The sky over their homestead looked clear-blue, only occasionally dimmed by the smoke that rose up to cover the summer's sky in grayish streaks forming into clouds.

 

 

The town was so different from what she remembered! It had spread out over the plains, more than a couple of new buildings along the main street. She recognized the Saloon though, of course the Saloon would still be standing. Three horses tied to the hitch outside. At first she found the lack of people in the street odd, then she smiled under her bandana. They're all out fighting the fire! Worked perfectly for her, she needed some space to get what she needed before paying the visit. She needed some credibility first, and now she would get it easily.

Turning the horse she made her way back to the edge of the town, she had seen what she needed there, for the takings. It was all too easy, something or somebody was making it so easy for her. "It's meant to be," she mumbled to herself as she got her eyes on the items needed for her credibility. "I'm only the tool for a higher purpose. It wouldn't be this easy if it wasn't meant to be."

 

"I wonder what's taking them so long?" Lou mumbled while cutting the beans to hand them over to Dawn.

Dawn smirked at the sight of the crop, even though she had watered them they looked like jokes. Small and meager, probably tasting like they looked. "There's less smoke now thou', maybe they'll manage to stop it."

"I meant Tessa and Rach," Lou replied, getting onto the potatoes. No bigger than a sparrow's eggs. Greenish color. "They should be back here by now." Her eyes flew to the two girls sitting on the porch, obviously having a tea-party. She didn't want to think about the men fighting the fire, she had to restrain herself from riding out to help. And she was needed here right now, with Dawn pregnant and two little girls to keep under surveillance there was no way she could ride out and leave them alone. Something told her she ought to stay here, like something was out there to get them. She just wasn't able to shake the feeling.

Dawn eyed her briefly, saying nothing but reaching for the knife to peel the potatoes. Groaning as her rounded belly inhibited her from moving as freely as she was used to.

Lou bit down on her lip, Dawn's pregnancy was reminding her of her fears. And her longing. A few years ago she had been mad when Buck, Noah and Jesse joshed about 'little ones'. Now she was dying to have one, and it hadn't happened yet. What if it won't? What if I can't give him anymore than one child? The thought of Noah and Jesse made her sad. Noah should have been with them, not dead and buried, he should have been with them and rejoiced in the Union winning. Even if it hurt Kid to see the South lose, she was glad that the war was ending, finally. Kid seemed at peace with the decision he had made, to leave the war behind and take care of his family. The first year of their marriage she had often feared he wouldn't be able to stand and watch as the war progressed, dragging on and on and on. The reports of the deaths in the battles, the saddening news for many of the townsfolk's. The gossip flourishing in the town, many not understanding Kid's decision. He was a southerner after all. But Lou had learned that Kid's devotion for her was deeper, and she should have known that all along. The day he asked her to marry him he already knew he wouldn't be fighting the war. That was Kid, he had made a choice, her. She had finally understood that the day Teaspoon told her about the discussion he had with Kid when Jed turned up. How he told Kid he had to decide what was more important for him, family, ideas or convictions.

But she also knew that he would have gone to war if she had turned him down, and he would probably have been killed. The thought of Jimmy's scouting troubled her, he had never been much of a writer, but every once in a while a line or two had found their way to her, but not in a long time. And Cody? She hadn't heard a word from him in months. She shrugged at the thought of something happening to the two of them, to any of her family.

"What's wrong Lou?"

Looking at her friend on the step beside her she smiled weakly; "Nothin'"

Dawn raised her arched her eyebrows and returned to the task, a doubting "hmmm" following.

Lou looked to the ground and moved some dirt around with the tip of her shoe. She could easily avoid the question and blame it all on the death of Stu. But knowing Dawn she guessed her friend had seen past the evident. But even Lou herself wasn't exactly sure what was wrong. With a glance at the girls she shook her head trying to get out of the premonition of doom and destruction that kept haunting her. "I don't know Dawn, maybe it's the heat making me think all kinds of things?"

"Maybe," Dawn replied silently, "maybe it's just the heat."

The sound of her voice had Lou turn back to her, wondering.

"Or maybe there's really something - or someone out there? Somethin'...I don't know....evil?"

Meeting with Dawn's preoccupied gaze, Lou felt a cold shill run down her spine.

 

 

"Kid!" Crouching down besides his friend Buck looked over plain, the fire finally extinguished, smothered by the sand they had shovel over it, hour after hour. The tired men wiping their brows, letting go of the shovels. Turning back to Kid he spoke in a low voice; "I found a lantern in the barn, looked like it had been tossed to the floor. I'm not sure, it might have happened during the fire but..."

"Buck?" Kid swiftly rose to his feet, "are you saying...arson?"

"I don't know," Buck admitted, rising to stand, shaking his head, "just think about it. It started in the barn, I know that much, but why?"

"Oh God," Kid turned his gaze to the ruin, "I was just thinkin', what if I caused something like this to my family, I couldn't live with that. What if Stu realized that..."

"Not Stu," Buck spoke with conviction, "he'd never be careless, you know...him." At the mention of their friend Buck was at a loss for tense. Stu was gone from this world. And it was darned hard to talk about it, it could have happened to them too. Either it was forgetfulness or something else, it just could have happened to anybody.

"But I don't get it," Kid protested, "who'd do a sick thing like that? Putting Stu's barn on fire? Kids playing with fire? Wouldn't they have been noticed? Ellis? Oh God, please don't let it be Ellis!"

"Kid, the fire started in the middle of the night, I hate to jump to conclusions but the only explanation I find is..."

"Arson," Kid filled in. "Somebody did this on purpose?"

"I don't know Kid, I just don't know."

"God help us if you're right Buck"

"Dawn told me she heard Wilson's wife say heat makes people go crazy. She had a lotta tales about what had happened in different places when heat struck. Incredible tales, . we both laughed about it, but now?"

"It's just wives' tales. Buck."

"I hope you're right Kid, cause I got the nasty feeling this is just the beginning."

Kid turned to watch him, trying to assess if he was joking or not. Buck met with his companion's exploring gaze. His face blank as he tried to hold back the tension and the nagging suspicions. After all he might be wrong.

Without a sound Kid turned to look in their homestead's direction. Standing there like momentarily petrified, like some horrible truth was to be revealed before his eyes. But there was nothing to be seen, the ranch was too far off to be spotted, hidden behind the sandy dunes covered by sagebrush. Buck watched him in silence, knowing just about what went through his mind.

Then he cast a glance over at Buck, "Let's go home Buck!"

 

 

She spotted what she needed on a clothesline in the shadow of a protruding verandah. The dress was just perfect, ordinary, nothing fancy at all. A dress she would be able to wear without being spotted. Gathering that there must be dozens of dresses like this one in the town it was the perfect choice. A worn bluish color, the hem a little torn from long use. Looked to be her size too, exactly what she needed.

Smiling to herself she tied her horse a few houses down the lane, together with a flee-bitten dapple gray and a bay. Silently she awaited by the horse's side, just in case someone was around and would come out asking questions. But there was nobody. Feigning to straighten out her packing she eyed around under her brim. No-one was in sight, but there was a sound of a slight snore coming from the opposite side of the lane. Making a detour around the horses she caught the glimpse of a man sitting on a chair leaned up against the wall. The hat over his face and an emptied liqueur bottle at his feet. She snorted with contempt. Just another drunk.

The blinds were all still, nobody was peeking at her from inside the houses, the town was really emptied.

Repressing a giggle she walked up to the hanging clothes, stopping to admire one of the dresses. A beautiful creation with frills and laces, a Sunday dress. Her fingers caressing the beautiful garment. Oh how she wished she would sometime be able to wear something like that, to feel like a real lady. Being admired and worshipped. A sigh escaped her at the thought. It won't probably never be, so why dream about it? She'd have to be content with the blue dress, that was the one. Carefully taking it down she measured it up against her length, it was a little large, but that was probably for the better, it would allow her to move more freely. She was so accustomed to men's clothing right now that wearing a dress seemed downright awkward. It was impractical at times, all that excess cloth around the legs, the limitations of movements dresses provided seemed senseless. But it would have to be worked around somehow. Women were supposed to wear dresses.

Hanging the dress over her arm she bent down to take a round stone laying at the end of the verandah into her hand. It would be better to brake a window, making it look like a robbery. Or something.

"What the hell!"

She turned at the sound of the voice behind her. Heavy footsteps approaching. Her heart skipping a beat, her mind jumbled up by the unexpected.

A man was walking up to her, gun pointing at her, the star on his west gleaming in the sunshine.

Her mouth went dry, her fingers clutching the rock firmly into her sweaty palm.

"Who are you?"

Stunned to silence she looked up into the man's face, desperately trying to find a lie that would save her from the situation. But then she recognized Deputy Mulligan. Old Pete Mulligan, the eternal deputy, older and heavier since she remember him, but still wearing the star.

He must have recognized her too. His eyes narrowing. Like he didn't believe what he was seeing, or maybe doubting his own sanity. His gun lowering to point to the ground. His mouth agape.

With one long step he was in front of her, his fingers digging into her upper arm as he shook her, his foul sugary malt breath in her face. Recalling the whiskey tainted breath of other men, making her stomach nearly turn in revolt. The disgust in his words when he spoke; "You? I don't understand, you're supposed to be locked up for good!"

When his shaking stopped and his fingers dug even deeper into her skin, sending dart of pain to her shoulder and elbow she held her breath and struck out once, hitting him in the temple. He lost his balance, knees sagging he held on to her while wobbling. She struck again. And again and again and again. Sobbing she pounded the rock into his temple, over and over, the skin breaking in several parts, exposing the brittle bone underneath. The blood pulsing out of his skull where he lay inert on the wooden floor. A nausea overwhelmed her at the sight, but she kept hitting. Until there was no sound of him breathing any longer, all she heard was the rapid beating of her own heart.

The nauseous feeling had her sober up. Folding the dress with her still clean left hand she rose and walked briskly to the horse. Washing herself in the through, watching as the water turned red, she felt chills run up and down her spine. This was not supposed to happen, she had never intended to kill anybody like this, not by her own hands. It was supposed to be an act of God, what was supposed to happen would happen. But not like this! Shaking she stuffed the dress into her saddle bag, fighting the need to throw up. Knowing she had to stay composed, she had to get out of this somehow. But she had crossed the line, she had become a murderer, and now there was nothing holding her back.

She tossed the bloody stone at the feet of the drunk, then she spurred her horse and fled out of town.

In the shelter of the sagebrush and trees she slid off her horse, falling to her knees and finally emptying her stomach onto the ground. With tears running down her cheeks she wondered how it had happened, it hadn't been her intention. It was like something had taken a hold over her and forced her to plunge that rock into the man's skull, over and over again. It wasn't really her was it? It must have been God's will after all, that must be the explanation. Looking down on her shivering hands she wondered how she had come to this? "It wasn't me," she whispered hoarsely, "it musta been meant to be, it was so easy!"

She had no idea where she was exactly, she had ridden out of there blindly, without an aim. Only to get away from there. From that awful dreadful moment when she was nearly caught, the memories of the cuffs around her wrists, the hard pokes in her back to have her move on. The baby she had to leave behind. The son that looked so much like his father, the day her life was taken from her. The day the rain had come and washed away her hopes and her future away with it, leaving her with this, an acute need of vengeance burning her up from inside. That moment on the Marshal's Office porch, when she looked up into the gray sky and let the rain wash her tears away. The people around her shouting at her, calling her names, demanding her death. Closing in on her, deputy Sam Cain's hand around her upper arm, dragging her to the awaiting couch. The bloody day the rain came.

Blinking away the threatening tears she swallowed hard. They had sentenced her there and then, now it was her turn. She had to find the way to Shannon's homestead, she was prepared now.


	4. Chapter 4

Buck let his eyes scan the trail as they galloped towards home. Instinctively he took in all the signs of disturbance, reaction to everything that might be out of the normal. But it was hard at a time like this, The draught had made the dirt hardpacked, a thousand old hoof prints underneath the new ones, the branches of the trees snapping easily now, brittle by the heat and the lack of nourishment. It was hard to tell if anything was normal these days.

The sun beating mercilessly down on them made him thirsty and he realized all he wanted now was to get home, home to his wife and his child. He wanted to see them and take them into his arms, hold them to make sure they were all right. Lifting his eyes from the ground he looked straight ahead instead, watching the sky and smiling as it it seemed clear blue and undisturbed. Most likely they were all right, waiting for him with impatience. He had promised to get back home as soon as possible, and it was late already.

Then some movement in the corner of his eyes had him pull the horse into an abrupt halt. Raising his hand he signaled for Kid to stay quiet, there was something out there. His companion's horse finally came to rest and Buck turned to listen. Minute sounds reached his ears. He wrinkled his brow in concentration, something definitely was out there, but what?

"A rabbit?" Kid asked.

"Maybe dinner," Buck replied, realizing he had been on a quest for something else. The answer to so many of his questions maybe? He had half expected someone out there, some who could tell him what had happened to his friend's homestead.

"Can't see it thou'," Kid mumbled and slid off his horse, cocking his gun.

Silently Buck followed his moves, leaving the horse and walking into the thick sagebrush, hoping to catch the tiny animal, meat would sit just fine right now. At least for the children, a rabbit wouldn't be enough for the whole family anyway.

But the whining sound stopped them both in their tracks. Looking quizzically over at Kid, for a moment unsure if his hearing was playing tricks on him? He then realized Kid had noticed it too, the eerie resemblance of human pain, or fear. Then they spotted the animal. Crawled into the shadow of the brush, the coat dirty of sand and life in the wild. Making the color almost indistinguishable from the surroundings, blending into the colors of the habitat it lived in. The fire had eaten on the fur, exposing the skin underneath. Buck felt a shiver run through him at the thought of the pain the poor animal must have suffered before it finally met its death.

And there, at its side sat the offspring, tiny whining sounds as it called for its mother. The pup showed no fear at the arrival of human beings, it was too occupied with licking it's mother's paw, like trying to recall her from the dead.

Buck walked up to the puppy, it was so tiny it fitted into one of his hands, the small paws flailing tentatively in the air at the loss of support. Then it turned the head to look at the huge figure taking it away from the only safety it knew in this world. It whined again, raising the head, looking straight into Buck's eyes. The tail moving tentatively in a sign of submission and hope. Instinctively it felt safe in the hand, this hand was benevolent, there was nothing to fear. Licking the fingers amiably, rejoicing in the response it felt in the hand. Then it let the head sink onto the fingers of its savior, the nose taking the smell in before it settled in the hand supporting it. A sigh escaping it as it closed the eyes and relaxed in the hold.

Kid walked up to stand at Buck's side, looking at the small dirty brownish puppy. Then he smiled amused. "Uh Buck, I think you're adopted."

 

 

She couldn't help glancing out the window every now and then, always getting disappointed as nothing was in sight. No dust-cloud announcing the backboard, or the riders returning home. Glancing at the clock it showed a late afternoon, and the heat was increasing.

"Lou, they'll be home, don't fret."

Lou had to smile, she had turned into Kid somewhere along the line. Not that she doubted that anyone of them wasn't fully capable of taking care of themselves but still, she just didn't like the fact that she didn't have them right here, safe. "I can't believe myself sometimes Dawn, it's not like me to be worried, I swear." She smiled apologetically at Dawn, she was probably worrying her too with her fretting.

"Or maybe it's just me getting to know you better," Dawn giggled, "maybe you always was a worrywart, you just hid it real good."

Lou had to laugh out loud, it was true, she was good at hiding her fears and emotions. Had to be back then, and it kind of stuck with her. She remembered vividly the times Kid had ridden out and didn't come home when supposed to. Or Jimmy, or Buck, heck all of them. But of course, when it was Kid it was different, much different. It had been hell but she still kept her cool appearing, only to toss and turn when in bed, or running out to the stables and brush Lightning for hours. Talking about it had never been her strong side, she rather did something about it than chatted around it. Most of all she would like to ride out and get them home right now. She would never show how anxiously she waited for them, it didn't feel right to lay her fear out for everybody to see. But she knew Dawn could tell by the nervous ring in her laughter. "Aw Dawn, I saw you wandering around the porch a while ago, and I coulda sworn you were muttering!"

The woman making lemonade at the counter looked up at her, "I did not!"

""Sure," Lou grinned, "I coulda sworn I heard you curse him out loud there for a while."

"Who? Me?" Dawn took another spoon of the dried lemon peel and seasoned the drink with more sugar. "Next year I'll have to get more birch sap, so much better than this." Mumbling to divert Lou's interest she stirred the concoction frenetically.

"Uh huh," Lou smiled, "heard you mumbled something like 'if he don't come home within an hour I'll drag his precious collection into the barn and bury it in the manure' or something to that effect. What I wanna know is collection of what?"

"Herbs," Dawn responded. "Where are they? There's no smoke any longer, they should be back? They coulda at least sent Miah to tell us if something happened? What's going on?" She threw the ladle onto the counter with force. "He told me they'd be right back!" Her voice had a nervous tone as she turned to look out the window, wiping the sweat off her brow. Then she stopped and smiled.. "Well at least somebody is coming."

Lou turned on her heels and walked out, trying to look calm and composed while shielding her eyes from the sun as she looked over the plain. Immediately spotting the cloud of sand announcing the arrival of whoever was coming.

Dawn stepped to her side, "It's Rachel!"

"But why's she alone?" Lou stuttered, "where's Tessa? What if..."

"Lou." Dawn put her hand on her arm to calm her.

"I wish she'd hurry up," Lou muttered.

"She would if something was wrong Lou!"

"You're right, of course. I'll go check the girls." Without waiting for an answer she turned and walked back into the house, to the den where the girls took their afternoon nap. The room was cooler, the blinds pulled to close the heat out. Tiptoeing inside she watched the two lumps on the sofa. One with a ragged doll under her arm, the other with a knitted dog-like figure stuffed under her head. Both fast asleep. She smiled at the sight, Dawn had been right, better have them sleep downstairs, close to them. Just in case. They were exhausted by the heat and the early morning rise. Blossom's fringe was glued to her forehead, the pajamas seemed damp. Lou took the sheet and uncovered her, flapping it twice to get the her some relief. Emma snored once and moved on the coach. a smile forming on her lips. Lou couldn't help but smile in response, she kissed both their cheeks as she heard the buckboard stop outside the house. Then she left them to sleep, they were all right. Everything would probably turn out just fine, she was truly imagining things. The heat was driving her crazy. Hearing steps on the porch she listened carefully for signs of anxiousness, or something, that would tell her Rachel had bad news. All she heard was Rachel gulping down some lemonade and asking for her.

She walked out, with her cool intact. Innocently asking for Tessa, hoping not to reveal how rattled her nerves were.

"Decided to stay with Mal for the night, just wanted to help out. Miah's there too, Teaspoon sent him over. Ellis was so shook up poor kid, he needs someone to look out for him. Didn't get him to eat anything at all. He don't quite understand what's happened, kept asking for Stu all the time. Miah promised to stay with him tonight, he'll be home tomorrow. Think his girlfriend was coming too," Rachel smiled.

Lou sat down by Rachel's side. "How did it happen?"

"Don't know Lou, Ellis just said he woke up and there was smoke everywhere, he ran out to get the horse and tried to ride into town and get help. He doesn't remember much. Mal ain't talking at all."

"I'll go see her tomorrow, is there anything she needs?" Dawn asked.

Lou had 'Stu back' on the tip of her tongue but Dawn's look in her direction stopped her from saying the obvious.

"Within reason, Lou!"

"Some clothes for herself and the kids I guess, but I guess the ladies already helped her out in that department. She needs friends right now, somebody to sit with her. Tessa is good at just being there. And Miah takes care of Ellis, he's like a big brother to him, ya know that."

"Yeah," Lou admitted, Rachel was right, Tessa had a calming effect on everybody, by just being there. But she missed her little sister and brother so bad right now. She missed everyone right now.

The three women just sat there in silence, their eyes constantly wandering to the window looking over the plain.

 

He looked at the house with relief, he had half expected something awful to have occurred while they were gone. The feeling just didn't let go off him. Spotting the women on the porch he smiled, he was imagining things, for sure. Nothing would happen to them, it must have been an accident, nothing else.

"Hey girls!" Kid holler at his side, the relief in his voice evident. Buck hid a smile, even without touching the topic he knew Kid had been going through the same as he had. What if it had happened to them? What if it was their homestead in ruins, somebody of their family...shaking his head at his thoughts flew. Adjusting the puppy in his hold he smiled at the eager women on the porch, his wife approaching him with determinant steps. She looked at him with reprimand at first, then her face lit up with a smile and she started running.

Stopping his horse he slid down to greet her, but she slowed down a few yards from him ;"Who you got there?"

The puppy on his arm moved and tried to get out of his hold, the small tail wriggling vigorously. Love at first sight, much like had happened to him when he laid his eyes on Dawn.

"Oh my, look! Where'd you get him? What a cutie pie! Look at that teeny weeny nose! And them paws! Oh my, he's so tiny, is it a he or she? You thirsty, little one?"

She didn't even look at him now, her eyes fixed on the wriggling dog, her hands stroking the head, a smile on her face, brighter than he had seen in a long time. Adoring.

"Hi sweetie," he tried, smiling at the adoration in her eyes. Loving her joy, but wishing it was him causing it.

But Dawn paid him no attention. She took the puppy from him and clutched it tenderly to her bosom, talking nonsense words as she turned her back to him and walked toward the porch. The rest of the awaiting family members had spotted the wonder too and hurried to catch up with her. They all formed a ring around her, admiring the dirty pup that looked at them, mouth agape, pink tongue sticking out, licking the giggling girls.

Kid slid down off his horse by their side, ruffling Lou's hair affectionately. Lou did not bestow him with one look. Too occupied to stroke the fur of the little tyke trying his paws on the ground.

Buck had to laugh at the scene, here they had hurried to get home to their families, and the pup stole the show. "Have you ever been welcomed like this Kid?" he grinned.

Emma loosened herself from the group and latched onto Kid's trouser leg. "Dad?" She looked up at him, putting all her charms into the angelic smile.

Kid took his daughter into his arms with a triumphant smile over at Buck. "Yes, honey-pie, you been good?"

"Pa, can I 'ave one?"

Kid smiled and rubbed his nose tenderly with his adoring daughter's, "Em-Em, you can have all my huggies!"

"No, Dad," she frowned and pushed him away with determinant arms. "No huggies, a puppy-doggie 'ike 'im!"

"What?"

Buck laughed out loud.

"I wanna 'ave one too, Da! A doggie-puppie like 'im! Pleeease!"

"But Em-Em...."

"Daddy-y-y, please?"

"You and Blossom can share 'im. Right Buck?"

"Sure," Buck smiled as Blossom finally was able to take her eyes off the puppy and walk up to him, taking his hand and jumping in excitement;"our dog? Really Pa? Our dog? What's he called?"

Buck lifted her into his arms, "Don't know hon, you gotta give him a name. I mean you and Emma," he hurried to add at the crumpling face of his companion's daughter. "You both can decide on a name, all right?"

"Where will he sleep?" Lou asked, "I have a basket..."

"Oh no," Dawn interrupted, "he'll sleep in the kitchen, come on kids, lets get him something to eat. Buck, go fetch some milk!"

Blossom scurried out of his arms so fast he had barely time to blink, in the next moment Rachel pushed a tanker into his lap and waved her hand impatiently in the cow's direction. "Go on!"

Emma climbed down from her father's lap, her lower lip protruding threateningly. Stalking over to the steps her stance told them she was all but satisfied with the turn of events. Demonstratively she stomped her feet in protest. Kid looked helplessly over in Buck's direction.

Then Emma turned on the top step and looked at her father. "Ain't fair!"

"What isn't fair Em-Em? He'll be your dog too, he'll just be sleepin' with Blossom while..."

"A sista' an' a puppie-doggie?"

Lou emerged in the doorway, trying to haul in the missing daughter. Buck stifled the laughter. The sullen look on Emma's face told him his friends would have to do some major discussing this evening. He was glad he wouldn't have to participate.

"Emma, what's wrong?" Lou asked at the sight of the little girl on the porch, her hands on her hips in determination, glaring at her father. "It's time to name the dog, honey, come inside. We're finding a fine spot for him to sleep in."

"Dad?"

"When you get bigger hon, I promise!" Kid had retreated to the bribing scheme.

"What ya promising her now Kid?" Lou glared at her husband.

Emma turned to her mother, hands still in her hips, feet planted firmly on the ground. "Ma, not fair" she repeated.

"What hon?" Lou sank to her knee in front of her daughter, not getting what she was so angry about.

"Bossom!"

"Yes?"

Buck watched the discussion with amusement.

"She gits t'all! Puppy-doggie an' sista!"

"Oh," Lou acknowledged with a glance over at Kid, "but..."

"Dad promis'd me, when I ged bidder!"

"Sure," Lou smiled, "we'll see about a dog when you get bigger." Extending Emma a hand to help her into the house she rose and brushed some sand off her skirt. "Come on Emma," she pleaded.

Emma took one step to the side, skillfully avoiding Lou's outstretched hand. Still not satisfied.

"Go on Em-Em," Kid prodded.

Emma looked over her shoulder at him, saying nothing. Kid raised his eyebrows in Lou's direction, and Lou bent to take the small hand and take her, sometimes a tad stubborn daughter, inside. "All right Emma, I told you, we'll see when you get bigger, maybe, we'll get a dog. Let your Pa take care of them horses now. It's time for supper!"

Somehow Buck knew what would come next, he had to turn and walk away, the tankard scrambling as he shook of repressed laughter. And then he heard it. The high-pitched squeal of accusation and protest:

"AN' DA SISTA!?"

He turned the corner of the barn before he gave in. He just couldn't contain himself any longer but sank down to the ground and laughed.

 

She waited in thick shrubbery at a safe distance from the homestead, the place looked so different from what she remembered. It had been painted, a new house built close by. Inhabited by who? Some family of hers? Did she even live here any longer at all? Ten years had been taken away from her, ten long years of waiting and planning, all while the world ran its own course, making all her plans useless. She hadn't been prepared for this, somehow she had awaited everything to be the same in Sweetwater, that life wouldn't had gone on. It hadn't for her, her life had stopped that day. They had taken it away from her, and then they had all gone on living a happy life. It infuriated her to no end, what right did they have to be happy?

She would not get back at the woman alone, she'd have to get all the folks around here at the same time it seemed. And she was getting tired of it. Tired of the waiting, tired if the miscalculations she had made,

High time she'd make it right, all she had to do now was wait until she could get closer, close enough to see the woman's face as the doom fell.


	5. Chapter 5

The morning was only slightly cooler than the previous day had been, promising yet another day of torrid heat. Still no wind, no hope for relief. Lou sighed as she slid out of bed, careful not to wake Kid, she just wanted to let him sleep a little longer this morning. A little atonement for all the beds she had forced him to drag down the stairs last night. Downstairs she could hear footsteps and clatter from the kitchen, Rachel must be up already.

Lou groaned inwardly while buttoning the shirt, it was thin and hung loosely around her, the skirt heavier, and warmer. She sighed again. The simple action of putting her clothes on had sweat forming on her brow. Making her feel damp, her irritation growing. The nights were the worst, laying in bed and trying to keep still to not wake Kid. Never finding deep sleep, only occasionally sliding into an daze somewhere between drowsy awareness and promising rest, never quite reaching the peace. Lately she had started to listen into the dark with attention. Reacting to every sound with suspicion, she was starting to hate the nights.

Kid moved in his sleep, like her dark thoughts were seeping into his dreams, uneasily he turned to her side of the bed. Lou smiled and walked around the bed to his side, adjusting the sheet over him, running her hand over his hot back. "It's okay," she told him in a low voice. "Everything will be just fine," she continued, more to herself than to him. He relaxed immediately at her touch and she turned to adjust the blinds, keeping the light out of the room for a little while longer. Just until they would have breakfast done, then he would have to go to see to the horses. It was just another ordinary day.

Walking down the stairs she tried to shake the feeling that something was about to happen. "It's just this damned heat," she told herself, "it's driving me crazy."

 

She woke with a start at the first light. Disbelievingly she looked around, finding herself on the ground, the sagebrush barely covering her. She wasn't supposed to be here! She was supposed to be at the house, hid inside the barn, waiting. The cooler air of the morning had her sober up instantly, stretching her cramping legs as she seated herself up and looked at the contours of the houses and the barn in front of her. Far away, but still under her surveillance. Nobody was in sight on the yard yet, but she figured it wouldn't be long before the house woke too. And then it would be too late to sneak up on them. But she had to get away from here. It wasn't safe, someone could easily ride up on her and start wondering. She had to check on the horse too, hoping it would still be where she tied it.

With a groan she rose to her feet and started the walk back to her belongings at the trees about a mile away. She had messed this up once again. Tears welled in her eyes as she thought about how her life could have turned instead, she might have been in her house, waking up, Starting breakfast, kissing her husband good-bye as he set out for work. She might have taken her children for a stroll in town, buying them candy at the store, trying out a new outfit for her daughter. Living a normal life. Tears wetted her cheeks while she walked on the hot sand, dust covering her and blurring her sight. It wasn't supposed to be like this, she thought bitterly, I had every right to be happy. Every right. Damn you Sweetwater for taking it away from me.

As she walked on, the sand found its way through the hole in her sole and she cursed the whole world. Everybody would have to pay for her fate, and Emma Shannon would be the first to have a taste of her anger. Getting even was what she needed, not tears, she needed no tears, they never accomplished anything anyway. Looking up into the sky, the sun finally up, so intense it hurt her eyes as she looked into it. A burning sphere, a miracle of fire and heat. She remain looking at the bright light, it called out to her, it was speaking to her. It was the same fire and heat she would use to clean Sweetwater of all its sins. The continuing heat urged her on. Like a silent blessing. And the sun would smile forever upon her. She wouldn't have to fear anything any longer, what was meant to be would come to her, just like the sun that rose every morning. This was her mission, this was the answer to all her prayers and questions. She was the chosen one, the one to set things straight.

 

"Come on Kid, I can take care of myself!" She glared at him, the discussion had gone on for hours now, it was close to noon and they had been on it for hours. Only relief she got was when he temporarily left the homestead to check on the horses grazing at the swimming hole. Then he came back with that look on his face, the worried one.

"Lou, go with them to town please, I'll stay here if you want me to! Buck'll take you to town and I'll stay here and keep an eye on...."

"Oh Lord!"

"But Lou, what if someone..."

"what if, what if, what if...stop crowding me! I have things to do, I'll clear the room for Emma, I already promised her. I need some space Kid, that's all I'm asking. A few hours to myself, is that too much to ask?" Her voice was rising to an alarming level and Kid retreated a few steps from her. She looked at him, knowing she had probably hurt him again. Everytime she said the words 'you're crowding me' he retreated, and she knew the memories of their breakup still haunted him. The look on his face tugged at her heart.

"Kid, please. You know what I mean. Just give me a couple of hours to myself, I need it."

"I know," he nodded and looked down at the wooden porch floor beneath them, "I understand, but it's just that with all this happening I don't feel like..."

"Leaving me alone, I know Kid." Walking up to him she draped her arms around him, holding him close. He encircled her waist with his strong arms and drew her into his lap in response, resting his cheek on the top of her head and mumbled something she couldn't make out. But she knew he was asking for forgiveness.

"I promise you I'll be fine. I still know how to shoot, Kid! I'm still the same girl you met back then Kid, fully capable of taking care of herself." She had to smile into his chest, remembering the discussions they had had over the issue while they still rode for the Pony Express. She had to admit she understood him better now, with Emma and her siblings around, but still she needed the space occasionally. That was just her.

"I know," Kid mumbled, "I know all that, I do. But still...."

She turned her head to look at him, peering into his eyes. "Worrywart," she told him with a smile, "isn't that what you..."

He silenced her by pulling her closer, meeting steadily with her gaze before capturing her lips with his. Her arms flew up around his neck and she answered his soft declaration of love. It was downright manipulative of him but she didn't care. Right now she didn't care that the rest of the family were waiting on the buckboard, on their way to Sweetwater. Buck with three horses he had to deliver, in tow. For a moment she regretted her decision to stay behind and watch their homestead. Then she didn't think at all.

Her breath catching she pulled away from him, knowing he had the ability to make her change her mind if she didn't watch out. She looked at him, the eyes dark blue, his arms still holding her close to him. "Go," she whispered, "go now and come home soon."

He didn't move, his face so close to hers she wasn't able to resist him. "Please," she said before searching his lips again. "The day the rain comes, remember?" Then she closed her eyes and claimed what was hers.

They had to break it up when two pair of feet clattered toward the wooden pavement, coming in their direction. Reluctantly Kid let go, turning his head to the sound.

Turning the corner into the shadowy part of the porch Emma stopped and decisively put her arms to her sides, glaring at them.

Blossom giggled. "Pa says t's time to go, you'll 'ave to order the sister later on!"

"Yeah, in town," Emma chimed in, "when I git candy 'ike you plomised Pa!"

Lou succeeded in remaining somewhat serious while she pushed her reluctant husband to the backboard, the girls running in front. Meeting with the leer of Dawn she eyed her a promise of retaliation. The puppy was sitting in Dawn's lap, wriggling its tail vigorously as usual, pink tongue hanging out. Expectancy written all over him.

"You coulda left him with me," Lou pointed out, amused by the sight.

"Oh so he can stay but ..."

"Go!" Lou laughed while helping the girls up, not minding the smirk on Kid's face. She ignored him totally and turned to Buck;"take care of 'em will ya?"

Kid held his eyes on her while he seated himself at Dawn's side, taking the reins, She still ignored him, demonstratively.

"Lou," he called out, and she turned to watch him.

Dawn elbowed him and giggled;" let's go now so you can get home an' finish the orderin'. It's getting late!"

Lou hid her smile best she could as Kid glared at the woman at his side. She replied with taking one rein and letting in fall on the horse's hindquarters, getting the mare into a trot. Buck raised his hand and saluted her before he followed the buckboard.

Lou smiled and waited until the buckboard with her family turned the corner of the barn and was out of sight. Then she stopped waving and sat down on the steps, smiling. As much as she loved the family, she also loved the solitude.

 

Remaining by the horse, she waited. For what, she didn't quite know. To regain some of the previous courage maybe? The sun was high now, it must be well past noon and she knew she'd have to get a move on. She couldn't stay here forever, pondering. It was too hot and she needed some water, the horse needed some too. She'd take care of Emma first and then she'd feed the horse and fill her canteen. It was high time, it had been a while since the dust cloud of the wagon had disappeared. The man must have gone to work, or something. Chances were that this was a golden opportunity.

 

Lou hummed a tune while she tidied the little room that would be Emma's. It was small, very small, but so was the girl. Her bed would fit close to the door, and the tiny chair Kid had made for her during the long winter nights would sit fine aside the tiny bed. The chest and a small bookshelf left the room with maybe five square-feet of empty space. Still it had a widow that let the light in, the tree outside shielding the room from the merciless sun. With new drapes it would suit her little one just fine until she got bigger. Tessa needed her space with all the studying going on, it wouldn't be fair on her to have to share a room with Emma. Tessa's room wasn't that big either, and Miah's was such a mess that Lou hesitated stepping into it. They'd both be moving out shortly anyway, moving on with their lives.

Miah, with a sweetheart, she shook her head, he was just a little boy a couple of years ago. Now he was seventeen, far to young to be courtin'! Guiltily she stopped arranging Emma's clothes into the chest, who was she to talk? She had been sixteen when she looked into a couple of blue eyes herself. But it was different when her little brother was in question. Miah, that had been so bitter and awkward around them at first, not really knowing her any longer. She had already changed from the young girl he remembered, into a woman when Kid had brought them home from the orphanage.

The day she met them out on the yard she had been eight months pregnant, the house just finished. He had taken one look at her and asked if this was why she took them in, coz' they needed help in the barn? She had wanted to slap him hard, but instead tears welled in her eyes. Kid had looked at him pensively for a moment and then shook his head. Telling Miah that it was obvious he hadn't been around expecting mothers much and that he needed to watch out. They were kind of explosive occasionally. Lou had started to laugh in the middle of it all and Miah had looked at her, maybe finding something that he remembered in her. The moment had seemed awkward at the time, but later on Lou had realized it had been a blessing. Kid had shown no anger at Miah's outburst, he had somehow managed to not take sides but give Miah the sensation that he was an equal. That he wasn't there for anything else than for his own sake. And that he had the right to harbor the feelings, nobody would blame him for it. Only wish he'd someday understand and forgive.

But it had taken close to year for Miah to finally settle. Mainly thanks to Kid. Kid never took on the role of a father to Miah, he was more of a companion. It had worked better than she had anticipated, Miah had adjusted finally and found a home. Tessa had settled in sooner, her memories of Lou hadn't been the ones of abandonment to begin with. She had been so much younger when it all happened. And Kid was more of a father to her, it had come naturally as he took them to school in the mornings. It had been easier for the two of them to form that kind of relationship. Even though she would never be a 'mother' to Tessa. Kid was something of a parent to Tessa.

Lou opened the window in the room and adjusted the blinds not to let the scorching afternoon sun inside, looking over her work she was content with what she saw. It was almost perfect, an own room just across theirs. Close enough but still secluded. They all needed it, her and Kid and Emma, she wasn't the little baby any longer, she was growing up.

Walking into the bedroom she shared with Kid she opened the window wider, hanging the sheets over the window frames, letting them air out. Hoping she'd finally find some sleep this night. It was driving her out of her mind. I should ask him to whack me hard on the head and put me to sleep, she thought with a grim face. It seems the only way to escape this heat.

Then she stuck her head out the window and looked over to the barn, up the road into Sweetwater, nobody in sight. She had half expected Kid to come back on check her out, maybe he had learned to heed her finally? But there was nothing, except the damned sun frying the ground. Peering into it she cursed it, it was enough already, they needed rain. The ground was starting to crack from the draught, the crops were dying fast. If this went on they would have to buy all the corn they needed to feed the animals. That would mean they'd have to take another loan, and nobody would want new horses if they had difficulties feeding the old ones. Many people would try to get on without a horse at all. Kid and Buck would have to start riding out further to sell the horses, staying out for weeks on end. And she didn't want that to happen. Getting accustomed to having them around had been easy. Living with the tension while they were gone would be so much harder.

She was jerked out of her ruminations by the sound of footsteps in the kitchen. Holding her breath she listened. The steps tentative, like searching. For a moment she thought she was starting to hear things that wasn't really there, like during the nights. But then the third board from the door squeaked ever so slightly.

"Who the hell," Lou muttered and cursed herself for leaving the gun downstairs. The broom was her only weapon at this time. She gripped it and rushed to the stairs. Hesitating for just a moment, then she shook her head. It could be anyone, wasn't sure it was somebody wanting to harm her. She had let the thoughts run too wild again. But she still held on to the broom as she walked down.

Turning the stairs she looked at a dirty figure standing in the middle of her kitchen, looking around like searching for something - or someone? It took her a while to realize it was a woman. Under the grime and dust she spotted long feminine features. But she was clad in men's clothing, a dirty hat covering her hair, a bandana her mouth as she looked up in Lou's direction. The eyes revealing disbelief for a moment. Or maybe disappointment, Lou wasn't sure. But she knew she had never seen this woman before. And her showing up in their kitchen, without so much as a knock on the door enraged her. Her voice sounded steely and cold when she directed the only possible question to the woman.

"Who the hell are you?"


	6. Chapter 6

The young woman at the top of the stairs was a total surprise. The house had seemed empty! And what was she doing here? Was she Emma's maid or something? Had Emma Shannon gotten rich all of a sudden? Because she just had to live here, didn't she? If she had gone and left Sweetwater, ran away like a scared chicken...a ...

"Who are you?"

The woman repeated the question, never moving, not showing any sign of fear. Self-confidence. And she felt obligated to respond. "Emma," she cracked, her voice sounding hoarse and shaky, she hadn't used it for so long. Emma Shannon."

The woman stepped down the stairs, confidence, "You a friend of hers?"

She nodded, at least she once had been. A very good friend, until Emma turned her back on her and sold her out. Caved to the pressure of public opinion and handed her over on a silver plate, taking away her life. Oh she had been a friend all right, one of those that makes you need no enemies.

The woman walked down the stairs, crossing the floor to the cabinet. All she could do was watch her moves. For a moment she thought the woman would take out a rifle and blow her away, or haul her into the Marshal's Office and stop her crusade right here and now. If she herself had found a woman clad in men's clothes standing in her kitchen she probably would have done just that. But when the young woman turned she held a glass in her hand, smiling briefly in her direction. "Emma's not here any longer, she moved away."

Her throat got dry from the anger that swept over her. She had been right, Emma had run away, she was trying to escape her fate! She must have known it was coming, that she was coming and she would certainly make everybody pay their debt. However far they ever ran. There would never be no escaping, not her, nor the heavenly doom that awaited them all.

"Have a seat and drink this" the younger woman said as she handed her a glass filled to the brim. Eagerly she took it, smiling at the young woman, genuinely thankful for the offering. Maybe she wasn't one of them anyhow, she was too young, Gulping the water down she closed her eyes as its freshness and moisture rinsed the dryness out of her mouth;"Thank you."

"Have a seat," the woman nodded at her, "I'll get you another one."

She sank down onto a stool at the kitchen table, this unexpected friendliness making her suspicious. Was she waiting for someone to show up? Was this part of a plan? Why on earth would somebody be friendly to a complete stranger they found in their kitchen? This wasn't what she had planned or expected, and it made her bewildered. To the point that she did what the young woman told her, she sat at the kitchen table. Not knowing what to expect.

 

The fact that this woman rode around clad in men's clothing had sparked Lou's curiosity immediately, and her sympathy. It reminded her of herself, and she couldn't help but want to know why. But after all, she was a complete stranger, but the notion that she knew Emma calmed Lou.

Watching her gulp down the water had Lou instantly refill the glass to the brim yet again. That was what Emma would have done. "You must be starved," she continued at the sight of the slight shivering of the hand holding the glass. "I have some leftovers from breakfast, would you care for a bite?"

The woman looked at her, baffled beyond words. Lou wasn't sure if it was a tear she blinked away. She smiled reassuringly and walked to get the bread and the butter left. Yes that could have been her, if she hadn't found the Pony Express, it might have been her riding around in the wild, looking for something. She had to know what had brought the woman into her kitchen, why was she looking for Emma?

Bringing the food to the table she sat down too, avoiding to look directly at her guest, knowing just how frail the situation was. "Emma moved away with Sam, he's the territorial Marshal in Denver. Is there something I can do?"

"Sam?"

Lou looked up as the woman spoke, the look on her face was of utter bewilderment. "You didn't know?"

"It's been ten years."

"Of course," Lou smiled apologetically.

"When I left she was still married to the no good...well, it's been a long time. I'm sorry, I haven't even introduced myself, I'm Joan Francis." She looked back to the table, like in shame.

"I'm Louise McCloud, I'm sorry. I didn't even know Emma at that time," Lou smiled, "I met her much later and I'm sure she must have had a life before I knew her."

The woman laughed softly, diverting her eyes to Lou and looking into her eyes for the first time. "I'm not much of a letter writer and I kinda lost track of her."

Lou pushed the plate with the bread to the woman, "what happened? I mean how come you're dressed like that?"

Her guest threw her a glance and Lou realized it sounded harsh and judgmental, not like she had intended. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that! It's just, well...see I did the same once - I was travestying as a male too. Back then, when I met Emma."

The interest on Joan's baffled face was evident.

"I rode for the Pony Express," Lou declared with pride.

 

 

The woman's pride reminded her of her own shortcomings. She had nothing to show for all the struggles she had been forced to live through. Nothing like this woman had. A home, maybe children, a future. She had to find out more about her, she needed to know what it took for some to succeed and others to fail as miserably as she had.

"You did?" Looking at the younger woman she smiled, showing her curiosity and her admiration. "But I thought only boys rode for the Express."

"So did they, initially," Louise chuckled, "I did exactly what you're doing now, I wore men's clothing, and I got away with it. Well...at first."

"What happened? Why'd you end up doing it? What about your folks, what did they say?"

Louise looked over at her, filling the glass up once again, offering her more bread. Then she started telling her tale.

A mother that died too soon, an orphanage, a sister and a brother she had to leave behind to try and get them a better future. When she mentioned St. Jo a shadow ran over her face, and she dismissed the topic too soon, like it still was painful. Then the Pony Express, the new family. The husband she so obviously was in love with, her little daughter, the daily life on the farm. When she finished she smiled softly and said ;"All considering, I'm happy to be where I'm right now. I coulda been so much worse."

"It can all change so fast."

The reply had Louise's eyes widen in overt curiosity.

"I never thought I'd be coming back to Sweetwater, never. But life sure can throw strange curves sometimes." Without even having to try and force them, tears welled up in her eyes.

Silently Lou rose and fetched a handkerchief out of a drawer. Handing it over to her, the tears now making their way down her cheek even though she awkwardly tired to wipe them away with her dirty sleeve. "Thanks," she mumbled, her voice thick.

"Can you talk about it?"

She truly didn't know how to answer the question, for a moment she contemplated telling Louise the whole ugly truth and have it over with. She was tired, part of her wanted to confess and sink back into the safety of the institution. It was damned awful, but it was what she was used to. But another part, the part that always took over denied her to do that, it forced her to see those horrid pictures before her eyes over and over again. The arms clinching her, the smell of whiskey and the foul words. The shot from a gun, the man falling to his knees, the raucous laugh, the second shot. The shot that ended her future. The hard slap to her face, the blackness that followed. The gun placed in her hand, the awakening to the grim truth. The spiral of lies that were spun, the solitude and the fear.

"I was born in Sweetwater, but my Pa died early, I was so young I didn't even know how it happened and my Ma never wanted to talk about it. We had to move to Blue Creek, my mother washed floors and clothes, we never had a penny." She stopped to collect herself for a while, so long she had told the truth, now she would have to modulate it.   
"Ma was worn down of all the work, she got sick when I was around ten, nobody knew what the trouble was and she kept getting thinner and thinner. Until one morning, I couldn't wake her up any longer."

"Oh God," Louise exhaled.

"Well you know the rest, I was taken to an orphanage."

"What happened then?"

Folding the handkerchief into a tiny little cube in her hand she remain looking at the whiteness while continuing. "I was around fourteen when I found a job, in a laundry. I did what had killed my mother and I hated every minute of it. But I had no choice. It was either that or starve slowly to death. _I can't tell you about the man that found me stealing food and took me in can I? The man that offered me food and a place to stay, the gallant man that took me to a house where a lot of ladies lived. A man that locked me in there and sold me to the highest bidder._  
Then one day I met a man, I was doing the windows for his family, they were real nice, and he came home to visit. He was in the Army. The cavalry. And we fell in love. _In fact he was a customer with the gentlest of hands, he was a man that had somehow ended up in a brothel and obviously had no idea what the place was all about. She smiled at the memory of Matt at the bar, the shock on his face as Mary Sue walked up to him and whispered in his ear. His worn dirty clothing, His eyes as they saw her, the disturbance and unease in them. His decisive walk up to her, the hand on her shoulder as he claimed her and walked her to the room. The minute the door closed behind them he had asked how old she was. At her reply he had shook his head and asked what she was doing in a place like this? She had told him everything. His hands were soft and gentle as he took her into his arms and rocked her gently, promising her to take her away from the place. That it wasn't right for her to be there. She had loved Matt from that moment on.  
_  
"Where is he now?" Louise's voice a whisper, like she already knew but needed the confirmation.

"He died in the goddamned war! He wanted to fight for his heritage and lost his life to it. His parents were from the south, will all that it entailed - the honor, the land - everything they talked about. Like it was paradise on earth. And Matt did what was expected off him, he volunteered for the Rebels. And ultimately gave his life for the cause I now hate. It took my children's lives too."

"Oh God," Lou exhaled, "how?"

"Shortly after Matt died I had a baby girl, she had no chance, too small and weak. The famine took my boy. The cause took them both, and I couldn't stay there any longer, the war is almost over and Matt died for nothing. That's the way I see it. I had to return to Sweetwater, Matt's folks left their land to me. I won't ever be able to live there but I have to sort things out." _I return because my little daughter and son are held here, taken away from me. Just like Matt was, ripped from me with violence. There's no land, nothing for me out here, except the memory of a past that still haunts me. A past that held such promise, and a town that took it all away from me. I just need to see my children, see that they are all right, and make the rest of Sweetwater pay for the injustice._

"I'm so sorry." The whisper from her hostess was so low it was almost inaudible.

She looked up at the dark haired young woman, her eyes were sad, her face turned to the window facing the yard. A far away look on her face. Like she was remembering something, Or waiting for somebody.

"Louise, I want to thank you for your hospitality. But I need to get to the business now." Rising from the chair she noticed no reaction in Louise. The young woman seemed far away, lost in something that sent tears glimmering in the corners of her eyes. It startled her for a moment, she hadn't expected this. "Ma'am." She paused as there was still no response, then she deliberately scraped the chair against the floor to get Louise's attention.

Louise seemed authentically surprised to see her standing up.

"I have to get going, it was nice meeting you."

"You can stay for dinner! My husband and the rest will be coming home soon. I'd love to have you."

"Kind of you to offer and I'd would love to stay but I can't. I have to get going. I have to get cleaned up and presentable. I don't want to startle people." She smiled in Louise's direction. Letting her believe the effect she had had on her hadn't been intentional.

"But you won't have anything to eat or nothing when you get there, will you?"

She shook her head. "I'll manage."

Louise stood up and hurried to the kitchen cabinet. She pulled out a thick bread and covered it in a kitchen towel A piece of jerked beef and two eggs where collected into another towel that Louise tied around the food, making it into a package. "You take this, and come back to visit anytime."

"But Ma'am..."

"It's Lou," she smiled, extending the parcel.

"I can't." Taking a gift from the woman would mean too much, she would be indebted to her. And that couldn't happen, it would make her vulnerable. "I really can't, I'll be going into town and gettin' somethin' to eat. An' when I've fixed the place up I will have your family over for dinner. And thanks, you already made me feel better. Just by listening. And call me Joan, by all means." She threw the woman another smile.

Louise smiled back and nodded her consent. "All right, I guess you're right. Coz' God knows I remember those times I rode in wet and dirty and wanted to be all by myself. Of course, that did seldom happen."

"You'll have to tell me all about it some day," Joan said while they walked out to the porch and her awaiting horse. "It must have been some adventure."As she collected the reins the coat slid down and exposed her sleeve, dark brownish red from the blood. And Louise noticed it, her eyes widened.

"Fell on my nose as the horse reared for a rattler. Never knew a nose held so much blood." Cracking a tentative smile, but her heart was pounding.

Louise replied with a knowing nod, obviously believing the lie.

Joan seated herself in the saddle and made a saluting gesture. "I'll be back with the invitation soon, I promise."

"Ride safe," Louise said and remain watching as she turned her horse around and kicked it into a gallop.

 

 

The talk with Louise had given her the final push. There was no point in waiting any longer, she had to see her children. And she knew the way to the old cabin so well, she had ridden it in her dreams a million times. It wasn't far. When she reached the old creek with the rickety wooden bridge she turned to the left and rode up on a hill covered with trees. The cabin was hidden behind the trees that had grown enormously in the ten years since she last saw it. But she knew it would be there.

Panting she slid off her horse, there was no one in sight. The house looked empty. Maybe they were in there preparing their dinner? She took the knife out of her saddle bag and ran to the door. Never minding if anyone would see her or not. Right now she didn't care. She needed to see her children.

The moment she swung the door open she realized something was wrong. The cobwebs and the dust whirling in the air, the absence of everything - except a table and one lonely chair in the middle of the floor - told her the grim truth. Nobody was living here. And hadn't so for many years. In desperation she ran across the room to the next door, jerking it open, meeting with the same sight as before. Emptiness'. The third and last room was exactly the same. Filled with cobwebs and dust, nothing else. No drapes at the windows. No furniture no signs of life. The dust made her cough violently and she searched her pockets, finding Louise's handkerchief. She held it over her mouth, the freshness a reminder of a home, making her eyes water. That was the kind of home her children would have deserved. The kind of home she would have deserved.

She sank down on the threshold to the third room. No thoughts or emotions left in her. The white cloth tightly clasped in her hand. Staring blindly into the rooms she remain absolutely still.

Then the rage filled her slowly, like a flood. It took her over, possessing her completely.


	7. Chapter 7

The town was unusually quiet when he rode in. Heading for the reverend's house, he spotted their carriage right where he had suspected, in front of the old house at the end of the street. But no one was in sight. Sliding down off his horse, he tied it to the railing, next to Belle. The horse looked at him lethargically, flicking its ears in a salute to her patron and Lollipop. Buck smiled as he walked over to the pump and filled a bucket with fresh water, wondering if the horses were as thirsty as he was right now?

Walking back he filled the trough up and tossed the two some hay from the buckboard. Glancing up at the sky he realized it must be around noon already. The trip to the Holsteads homestead had taken longer than he had anticipated. But now he had twenty-five dollars in his pocket. Of course, most of it would go directly to Thorpe in the store anyhow. He sighed deeply, the draught just had to end, and soon. Or they'd have to stoop to selling horses to the Army, a thought that repulsed him to the bones. He knew exactly how those horses would be used, tracking down his people, wanting to fence them in as animals. But what could he do? It truly was a dog eat dog world. And disliking the fact didn't alter anything. Peering up to the sun he tried to will some clouds to cover it, clouds that would bring the relief they all needed. Beast and man.

"Hey Buck!"

He whirled around at the sound, Kid emerged out of the Marshal's office down the street and started walking briskly in his direction. From the pace Buck realized something was up. Kid walked too fast and his composure was tense. Teaspoon had stepped out too, but he couldn't keep up with Kid. But his face too was drawn. An elderly man, sitting on the sidewalk, spit as Kid passed. Kid just stepped to the side and ignored him. The man made a disgusted face while muttering to himself. Casting daggers at Kid's back. Old Jebs, a southerner too old to fight in the war. The old geezer couldn't believe the nerve of the young man that had the audacity to turn his back on the cause. And he had many followers.

Buck wanted to run up to the man and take his cane and whip him. He knew far too well how the town looked at Kid's refusal to participate in the war. The sacred war, Buck thought, the war where you had to take sides. No matter what side you aligned with, it was reguarded as better than just plain staying out of it. If you did the rumors flew, and Kid had been subjected to some pretty harsh words and even worse rumors being spread. The fact that he was running a homestead with two Injuns didn't help much either. For a man that thought in black and white Kid sure had managed to remain in the gray and shadowy part himself. And Buck couldn't help but wonder how much he contributed to that.

"What's wrong Kid?"

"Pete's dead, murdered."

"What?"

"Buck," Teaspoon grafted as he too reached them. "Ev'rythin all right?"

"Pete's dead? Murdered? When?"

"Buck - I gotta get home," Kid said. "Can you take the girls and Teaspoon? I'll just borrow his horse..."

"Sure, you do," Buck nodded, knowing Kid probably was going out of his mind worrying about Lou back home. He didn't even have time to finish the sentence before Kid turned back and ran to the hose tied in front of the Marshal's Office. Miah stepped out and Kid told him something before turning the horse around and galloping down main street.

Teaspoon shook his head. "He's gonna kill that horse o'mine."

Buck waved in Miah's direction, the young man looking proud of the new star on his shirtfront. Returning buck's salute solemnly before walking back inside. Buck couldn't help but feel proud too. Lou's sibling was growing up into a fine young man.

"What happened Teaspoon?" He asked, turning back to face him.

"Lets get outta this heat," Teaspoon nodded for the reverend's door. "There's someone in there waiting for you."

 

The woman's words had stirred up a myriad of feelings in her. Sinking down to sit on the porch she watched the cloud of dust disappear behind the running horse. That woman could have been her, she could be roaming around the country, all alone. Looking for peace and a place to be. What if she hadn't gotten away from Wicks? What if she hadn't been accepted to ride for the Pony Express? Where would she be right now? And what if she had lost Kid? It had been so close many times, far too many times already. What if he had never asked her again? She had been so hurt back then, when he started seeing that woman. She still had difficulties thinking about it, and Doritha? What if he had done what she asked? Gone away with her, leaving her behind. Why wouldn't he, they hadn't been together back then. She had not been ready. Or at least she had thought so. It was scary and new, her and Kid, his crazy protectiveness. His doubts. Oh God how mad she had been with him at times. And how happy she had been that Jimmy was there, Jimmy that understood her better than anyone else. Jimmy that had never doubted her, never questioned her choices. If she had married her best friend instead - where would they be? Would they have children? Where would Kid be? Would he have gone to war and gotten killed just like that man the woman was telling her about? She knew how hard it was for him to turn his back on the South. Often had she pondered on why, not quite understanding how a place would be that important to anyone. She would never quite understand that love. But she knew it was a part of him, the longing, the memories he had never revealed fully. Not even to her. Except when he talked to her about the ocean, promising her to someday take her to see it. When he did his eyes darkened, and he looked into the distance. Like searching for something, maybe the peace the ocean brought. He told her about that, how watching the waves shower the beach made the pulse beat slower and the salty smell made you fell fresh and invigorated. One day she hoped they would stand on a beach, and she would hold his hand and watch the ocean. Maybe she then would understand his love for the South.

But the war wasn't over yet, the rebels were losing, that much was clear. And she had no guarantee that Kid wouldn't still go. It had been going on for years, people were fleeing, caravans of new settlers came across Sweetwater almost daily. The lives that had been lost had marked the country for good. Divided it with bitterness, even out here. All those men dead, never to return to their families. And Kid could have been one of them. Tears sprang to her eyes at just the thought. She wouldn't have been able to live with that, Jimmy or someone else at her side. And Emma! There would be no Emma!

Finding herself looking in Sweetwater's direction she had to steel herself from saddling a horse and riding out to get her family. She had changed, Emma had changed her, Kid had changed her. Life had changed her.

She didn't know long she had been sitting there, pondering. It might have been ten hours or ten minutes. It didn't matter, she knew now how lucky she was. She looked up into the sky and smiled. "Thank you," the words felt small and insignificant in contrast to what she felt, but she found no other words to express her gratitude. Then a cloud of dust caught her attention and she lowered her eyes to the direction. Somebody was approaching fast.

She frowned when she realized it was her overprotective guardian riding Teaspoon's horse so hard it would probably stoop soon. As always he thought she'd fall down and die or something when he wasn't around. Or get herself into some kind of trouble. If she remembered correctly it was more often the guardian himself who got into trouble, more than once she had been there to patch him up. Muttering to herself she walked to meet him. In the middle of the yard she stopped and crossed the arms over her chest. Oh he was gonna hear what she thought of his reckless riding, all right.

The horse slowed down to a trot less than a hundred yards from her. She smirked and waited.

Kid slid down and walked the last steps up to her. His guilty face told her he already knew that she'd goad into him. On top of almost killing Teaspoon's horse he was covered with dust.

"Kid," she admonished, "what the heck is wrong now? Look at that horse! It's kneeling."

"Ev'rythin' all right?" Kid asked.

Lou rolled her eyes in despair, what did it look like? She was standing there right in front of him and he had to ask? "Oh Lord!"

"Pete Mulligan was killed yesterday." Kid said silently.

"Oh, I'm sorry. How did that happen?" Forgetting her speech she reached out for him.

"Well Lou, see that's why I rode out. Seems nobody knows how it happened, but rumors are flying. And after seeing what was left of Pete, I wonder too."

"Left of? What are you saying? I thought he was shot or something? What rumors?" She looked up into his face, expecting to gauge what upset him. They hadn't known Pete Mulligan well enough to cause this reaction in Kid. Deputies and Marshals died, that was just a fact of life.

"He was pounded to death it seems - it was awful Lou. It was like something had thrashed his head completely. I ain't ever seen anything like it."

"Oh God, trouble starting again? What'ya mean rumors?" She took a firm grip on his shirtfront, urging him to spit it all out.

"The usual," Kid smirked. "Old Nelson claims he saw it, in a drunken stupor of course. Told everyone it was a devil with dark hair. That's all it took, now it's established it was Indians."

"Not again!" Lou sighed.

Kid enfolded her with his free arm and nodded.

She leaned her head on his dusty shoulder and sighed, it had happened before. It would again. "We gotta watch their backs, Kid."

"And I don't think we can expect much horse trading either. Lou. You know how it goes." He rubbed his chin on the top of her head, "but we'll make it, it'll blow over."

"Sometimes I hate this town," Lou mumbled to his shirt, wrinkling her nose at the dust it stirred up. .

 

 

The room where he found his wife sitting was dark, the windows covered in heavy drapes. But they didn't manage to keep the heat out. The air seemed thick and heavy. The stillness in the room emphasized the eerie atmosphere. Normally Mal would have been out in the field or in the garden patch, nagging on Billy, keeping an eye on the baby sleeping in the cot, all at once. Helping Stu, always keeping in motion. That was Mal, always doing something. Always having plans. But not now.

Mallory sat on the couch close to the window, the light that seeped in lighted her face only partly, exposing the weariness even more than her sloping shoulders did. She turned as Teaspoon and he stepped in, giving them a quick glance to then look down at her hands. She just stared down at her hands, not one word uttered.

Buck wondered if she had hoped her husband would walk in? That by some magic Stu would walk in and return everything to normal. She seemed so lost. The realization tugged at his heart. He would have done anything not to see that woman sitting there like that, like she had lost everything. And there was nobody that could tell her why all this had happened, why it had happened to them. He surely had no explanation to offer, he had nothing to offer this woman.

His gaze met with Dawn's and he knew by the look on his wife's face that she was picking up the same desolation and despair that he felt in the room. He knew Dawn had tried her best to give comfort, but it hadn't been enough. Nothing would cure the pain Mal was in right now, not for a long time. He knew this feeling far too well. So well that he had committed a hideous crime, as to even the odds. It hadn't helped back then, Ike had still been dead, and he had an ulterior burden to carry. But for Ike he carried it gladly.

"Buck," Dawn's low voice called out to him, "I was telling Mal that she could stay at our place for a while. Just till she figures out what to do, we have plenty of space."

"Of course," Buck replied relieved, why hadn't he thought of that? To do something concrete, offer a place to stay. Normal routines, anything to get out of this stifling room.

"I can't," Mal replied, "I have to get away from here." Her voice was barely audible.

Teaspoon walked over and seated himself at her side. Flapping his hat twice before laying it on the table in front of them. His boisterous moves stirring up the air around them, causing Mal to finally look up, and for the first time since Buck had entered the room he saw some signs of life in her.

"Where would ya go?" Teaspoon asked, taking a glass and filling it with the lemonade from the pitcher.

!I have a sister," Mal responded, seemingly reawakened out of her daze.

"Aw Gracious Lord, this is awful" Teaspoon grimaced after the first sip, "there's no sugar in it!"

"Teaspoon," Dawn muttered, not entirely sure this was the right way to go about things. Visibly wishing for a little more sensibility from Teaspoon.

"Where's that sister of yours?" Teaspoon asked, "did you taste this Mal? It's dreadful really, nothing like when you make it."

Mal actually smiled.

Dawn hissed as she took the pitcher and walked with it out to the kitchen. Her last look in Teaspoon's direction was murderous. Buck figured she'd have Teaspoon's hide afterwards. Dawn's lemonade was a sacred thing.

"A sister, huh?" Teaspoon continued, eager to get a response. "Where's she at?"

"She's married down in Spring Walley, you know, outside Wentworth. Not to far actually. Me and Stu went there a while ago, we plan to..." She stopped her tale, looking at Teaspoon bewildered, "We're going this fall, when the crops are in. We would have gone earlier but with the baby coming and all...oh God no! My baby is gone, " Her shoulders were shaking, her voice had become muffled, her hands now gripping the fabric of the couch hard. "Stu! Where's Stu? He should be here, I should be with him, I should be..." Her voice had taken on tone of absolute panic. Then it lowered to a mere mumble as the tears rolled down her cheeks, and she whimpered like in physical pain..

Teaspoon draped his arms around the woman and rocked her, "I know Mal, I know, let it all out. You'll feel better later, let it out."

Buck had to step out of the room at the sound of her cry. It was heart-wrenching, the tears of those left behind always were. It was naked and raw, the sound of despair and realization. Stu wasn't coming back, everything had changed.

He met Dawn on the threshold, the pitcher in her hand shook slightly when she took in the sight. Mal's shivering shoulders and Teaspoon's arm around her, the gentle rocking and that sound of her pain. Dawn blinked and Buck turned her around and pushed her out of the room. Then he took the pitcher and placed it on the floor. Enfolding Dawn and stroking her hair. "There was nothing wrong with the lemonade hon."

Dawn trembled in his hold, hiding her face from him. He knew the notion of the truth had finally caught up with Mal was tearing at her heart. Just like it did his. Their friend had a long way to travel before she found some solace, and that road was long and tiresome. Buck knew that all too well.

The vicar's wife was approaching them and Buck guiltily let go of Dawn, somehow he always felt that exposing emotions in front the white's God and his followers wasn't appropriate. They venerated pureness of thought and body. And in their midst he never felt pure.

Sarah took the pitcher and walked into the room, pausing at the treshold before tiptoeing in not to disturb the two inside.

Dawn hurried to try and look proper, like you should in the house of the worshippers of the white God. Buck smiled sadly at the realization how much he had forced upon Dawn. All because of his refusal to return to the Kiowa. It saddened him deeply, his wife wasn't comfortable in the surroundings either.

"Buck, Dawn," Sarah spoke silently when she returned. "I'm so sorry for all this. It'll blow over, I know it will. It's just those women that have nothing else to do but blabber. And I hope they rot in hell!"

Dawn giggled nervously and Buck turned to the vicar's wife. Understanding absolutely nothing. But the look on the woman's face told him enough. Evil had to be pinned on someone, someone not quite like the good townsfolk. The basic logic that what wasn't like the majority was evil and had to be banished. He knew it far too well. He had encountered it on both sides. And it would with all probability follow him for the rest of his, no their, lives.

Teaspoon emerged in the doorway. "I think she feels better now, she's askin' for Billy. Where's that rascal?"

"Thank you Marshal, I've been trying so hard to get her to open up. Nothing worked, She just sat there, I know this is what she needed. It'll get better."

"Eventually it will," Teaspoon admitted. "But it will take a long time, now she needs family at her side. I'll wire her sister and let her know what happened. Then we'll see."

"I'll get Tessa and Billy, I'm betting Tessa's dying to get home too. It's been a hard day for all of us." She turned and walked back to the kitchen, stepping out on the verandah and calling out for the couple playing outside.

Billy ran past them and right into his mother's lap. Curling up in it. Tessa walked up with a little more dignity. The pup coming in last, short of breath. Dawn smiled and brushed the sand of Tessa's skirt."The girls? Rachel? "

"Oh, I sent them off with Ruben to look at missis Kittridge's kittens." Sarah interjected. "Emma was a bit miffed she had no pup of her own. Thought it'd cheer her up.

Dawn bit her lip and fought not to laugh. Buck himself couldn't help but wonder what else Emma was complaining over not having.

Rachel went home to pack her things, she's staying with us," Tessa informed them.

"Get your bag," Dawn said, before bending to collect the dog. "Lou's cooking dinner tonight. Can't be late for that! We can pick the girls up on our way."

"Uffa! Buck, can we stop at the doc's?" Tessa laughed.

"Let's go home," Buck said. Merely nodding his thanks to Sarah. All he wanted now was to be home.

 

They rode home slowly, it was late already, but the sun was as hot as ever. It had taken them close to two hours to get the family gathered. Most of the time spent dragging Emma and Blossom out of Mrs. Kittridge's kitchen and the wooden box with five adorable kittens and a proud mother. Finally Buck had stooped to bribing to get them out. Now they sat in the back of the buckboard, their faces smeared with candy.

Tessa and Rachel flanking them, keeping them under surveillance. Teaspoon riding silently by their side. Miah resting in town. Buck knew Lou would get mad but the pride on the young man's face had him reluctantly promise him to stay on. Teaspoon had given the lad money for a decent meal. And strict orders to ride out to get him if something was to happen.

But Buck still felt a tad guilty. Looking over at Dawn sitting by his side he smiled at the picture of her rounded belly and the pup sleeping soundly in her lap. Cradled by loving arms.

"Dawn," he prodded, "the rumors?"

Dawn sighed and stroke the pup's head. "Nobody saw it happen actually. But Nelson came staggering thought town and jabbering about a huge monster killing Pete. The monster had long raven black hair and eyes of fire."

Buck threw her a glance,

"That's what I hear he said, I don't know! Anyway, he happened upon Mrs Whitercomb and the deed was done. All the townspeople migrated to the sight before any law had the chance to arrive. And as I hear the sight was awful." She lowered her voice, "it's said Pete's head was practically cracked open. Not much left of him."

Buck shook his head in disgust.

"Of course dear Lila urged poor Nelson on, filling in the gaps where he didn't quite remember. Of course it turns out it was a brutal redskin. You know, long raven black hair and all! So of course it had to be a native. Probably you or me."

"We'll get it sorted out Dawn, just let us do our job," Teaspoon intervened. "We're gonna have Nelson sober up and see what he has to say, without Lila Whitercomb's help. Not that I can understand who'd be that mad at ole Pete! I just don't get it."

"The heat can make people go crazy," Dawn said meaningfully, "and you and I, old man, have some lemonade to discuss!"

Teaspoon let out a low chuckle before kicking his horse into a trot. Buck smiled and nicked the reins to have Belle pick up speed. Looking at Dawn he saw she was smiling wickedly and he joined in Teaspoon's snicker.

They were finally going home.


	8. Chapter 8

The day slowly turned into night. And she sat there, staring out the window, watching the changes. The shadows of the trees grew longer, turning bluish, falling over the broken porch. A wind started blowing, a soft wind that brought no real relief, it just stirred up the sand and made the open door move slightly on the hinges. Squeaking. Hour after hour passed by, changing the light in the room, while the dust she had stirred up sank down to rest again.

She couldn't move.

She remain where she had sunken down and watched the light change, losing count of the hours. Her hand resting over the picture in the front pocket. It had looked so different then, There had been animals and people, laughter and joy. Tears and hurt. Knees scratched and teething. Sleepless nights. And nights filled with love. That summer had been hot and dry just like this one. Her last summer reminded her of this one. And she knew why it had to be now.

Her legs screamed with protest as she rose. It was completely dark outside now. And the darkness was her friend. Her allay.

The horse was still tied to the hitching post, resting his hindleg. She stroke him affectionately while removing the saddlebags. When she returned she'd let the horse loose in the coral, let him graze and rest. He deserved it, he had been faithful to her. Carrying her where ever she wanted to go, never asking questions. Tomorrow she would go through the shed and see what had been left behind. Tomorrow she would make the house a little more comfortable. But not tonight, the night was the time of revenge.

The horse under her felt sure on his hooves as she steered him to the trail. The darkness didn't bother him. The darkness was safe.

 

Lou smiled to herself while she finished up in the kitchen, the coffeepot humming on the stove. Tonight they would have the real thing, not the war-mix of chicory and roasted seeds they were used to. Thanks to Buck and his horse-sale they'd spoil themselves with some good old-time coffee to enjoy.

Handling the last plate to Dawn standing ready to dry it off she sighed in content and started to empty the basin. Tonight would be a good night, a night in good company. They needed that after what had happened.

"I'll take the pot and the cups, Dawn, can you manage the biscuits?" Rachel asked from behind them, coming in with the besom and placing it at its usual spot.

Dawn arched her left eyebrow, much like her husband, and smirked. "Is that another way of pointing out I'm gettin' too big or somethin'?"

Lou chuckled; "No it's more a way to check if you're still awake, it's way past your bedtime." Dawn was a notorious early riser and by nine in the afternoon her eyes started to sag. It was now 10 o'clock and both Emma and Blossom had long ago fallen asleep in Emma's new room. Lou suspected Dawn would start snoring at any time. She smiled at her friend.

"Heck, I suppose this coffee will have me dancing on the roof top soon, just you wait and see," Dawn cast her a wicked grin, "and I'll be dancing over yours and Kid's bedroom at five in the morning. Just to remind you of old times."

Rachel laughed and finished putting the cups onto the tray, shaking her head as she turned to carry it to the table.

"You won't even get onto the ladder with that stomach Dawnie, I think we can be safe." Lou retorted, giving Dawn an amused grin.

Dawn looked miffed, "well Your Highness, at least I still can find my own feet. Unlike somebody else I remember a couple of years ago."

"I hadn't lost them," Lou muttered, remembering the trouble she had had putting her shoes on and Dawn's mirth at the fact. "I just couldn't see 'em!"

"He he," Dawn replied and took the basket of biscuits out of Lou's hand.

Lou couldn't stop her giggle at Dawn's content facial expression. It had been bad the last month, but she longed for it yet again. She didn't mind not seeing her own feet. But in this heat?

"Dawn really, are you okay? I mean this heat and all?"

"You know what Lou," Dawn stopped and turned to look at her, "I've been thinking. You know horses get in heat just at the right time. They give birth in early spring."

"Yeah?" Lou nodded, not quite following.

"I think it would be a good time for you to get in heat right now."

Lou looked to the table to see Teaspoon's face cracking as he let out a stifled sound. Buck looked at Dawn and laughed out loud, his eyes dark and filled with admiration and love for the cheeky woman with the pouting front in the middle of the room.. Kid bowed his head over the halter he was fixing. Rachel's shoulders were shaking. Dog let out a happy sound from the corner of the room.

Lou took a step back and stared at her friend's coy face, not knowing what to say. Dawn often had that effect on her, she made her speechless. She was the master of things like this, telling you things in the most unexpected manner.

"Take my advice," Dawn laughed and proceeded to the table. "Isn't that right, Kid?" She tapped the top of her companion's head as she passed him. He looked up at her, his face a mixture of laughter and mortification. Lou could see his red earlobes even in the faint light of the kerosene lamp.

Lou waited to let the warmth of her cheeks subside. But she was smiling like a fool.

 

When she arrived at the big house she realized she had lost concept of time. It must be much earlier than she thought, it seemed that people were still awake in the house. She could see shadows moving inside. The light still pouring out of the window in the corner of the building.

She cursed as she slid off her horse and tied him to the tree. It would be much harder to accomplish what she was out to do this early. But knowing that big old fat bellied Mr. Nelson was incredibly slow on his feet calmed her. He had been slow back then and ten more years would surely not have made him any faster. And that wife of his? The rheumatism must have rendered her hands and legs almost useless by now. She felt bad for the old woman, she had never done anything bad. But she had married that big fat geezer, the one that sat at the front in the church, temporarily serving as court. Looking at her with disgust, laughing so hard his stomach jumped when the sentence fell. He called her a jezebel when she was pushed past him, to jail. God how she hated him. But the wife?

"If you go down that road and start feelin' sorry for people you're over," she muttered to herself, starting for the barn. Keeping her head down, avoiding to make any sound. She had learned fast how to remain in the background, inconspicuous. It had seemed to only way to survive in the institution. Not to be seen or heard, And she had mastered that skill.

She reached the barn fairly soon. Stopping in the darkness and listening for sounds. Nothing, Then she glanced over at the house and realized the kerosene lamp wasn't burning any longer. With a content smile she made her way into the barn, always listening, There was nothing, no sounds of any kind. But to be sure she walked along the row of empty stalls, looking for any animals left inside.

"You're making it so easy for me," she whispered to herself. "Thank you!"

But the sound of chickens caught her attention as she moved to the furthest end of the building. Biting down on her lower lip she shook her head. She had spoken out too soon. She'd have to do something about the birds in there. No animal should pay for the wrong doings of humans. That just wasn't right.

She didn't find the door to the hen house from inside the stables, her fingers searched the wall and there was nothing. She would have to get out and open the door after she set the fire. It was dangerous, she might be spotted. Her body tensed up and a smile broke out as her hands shook of excitement when she found a lantern on a shelf. Having to suppress a giggle she took it into her hand, flipped the glass up and lit the match. The flame was eager to obey her, it grew instantly, jumping to the inside of the lantern, casting light over the barn. One last time she looked around to ensure herself. No, no animals.

She placed the lantern on the stone floor, arranging fresh hay around it, spreading more of it around the stable. Feeling content with her work. She would be far away when the fire took over. For a moment she stood there, watching as the first straws of hay caught on fire. Then she turned and walked out. Calmly she looked for the door to the hen house, finding it easily and walking inside. She waved her arms around in the limited space and woke the inhabitants, forcing them out. She left the door ajar and started for the trees. Holding her breath for a while, eager to pick up any signs that she had been seen or heard. But there was nothing except the cackle of the hen. She started running.

She wasn't very far away when she saw the light from behind and scared voices yelling in the still night. Desperation in the high pitched screams. That same desperation she had felt that awful day, but never been able to mouth. She chuckled and proceeded. Reaching her horse she finally turned to watch.

It was the most beautiful sight in the world. A majestic power let loose. Orange flames reaching for the sky, higher and higher, the ends turning blue. It grew bolder while she watched, licking the ground around it, turning into a craving living being. The old building screaming like in pain as it was engulfed by the cascade of red. white, orange and blue. The wild dance in the night, the sanctitude.

Tears rolled down her face as she stood there watching, She felt peace.

 

Lou sank down by her husband's side, not daring to look at him. His hand moved to rest on her knee and her cheeks grew warm once again. Rachel laughed softly while she poured the black liquid into their cups. Teaspoon rose to bow snatch himself the plate with biscuits on the other side of the table. Two envelopes fell out of his west, landing on the table.

All chatter stopped around the table, all their eyes went to the letters. Everybody knew what they were.

The silence that followed brought a doom-like atmosphere to their kitchen. Lou wanted to ask who they were for but she couldn't bring herself to it. For a moment she thought about Jimmy and Cody and her heartbeat rose. But surely Teaspoon would have told if it was them? Or would they even get notified? After all they weren't...

"Who?" Buck asked.

The Willow's," Teaspoon said and sank back to his stool, "couldn't bring myself to go out there this evening, they just came."

"Both?" Rachel asked, a wrinkle on her brow, she had only known of one of their son's being old enough to enlist. "Has Ruyard gone too? Isn't he too old?"

"No," Teaspoon said shaking his head, "the other is for Dorothy."

"Oh God no," Lou's hand flew up to cover her mouth, like trying to stop her outcry. "Not Dorothy!"

"I'm afraid so," Teaspoon said looking down at the envelopes, carefully gathering them again and placing them in his inner pocket. Over his heart. "That's why I don't know how to do this, I truly don't know how to bring myself to give her that letter. And at almost exactly the same time of year she got the last one. It was June 12th that she got word that her husband had passed on. I remember that day like it was yesterday."

Dawn fiddled with the napkin, "won't it ever stop?" Her voice was thick.

"I don't know honey," Teaspoon looked over at her, "everybody seemed to think it would be short and painless, but it can drag on forever."

"They will need more men," Kid stated tonelessly at Lou's side. "They're gonna draft more people soon."

Lou looked at him, wondering what he was on about, nobody knew he was out here. He had taken on her name. There was no way he would be drafted for the South, and the Yankees were winning.

"People that never wanted anything to do with this war will get drafted Lou, young boys and old men. Just ain't fair." He swung his legs over the bench and rose; "Gotta go water them horses." With a kiss on her cheek and a whispered "be right back," he turned and walked to the door. Lou's eyes followed him until he shut the door behind him. She wanted to scream.

"No," Dawn complained, "no, no more deaths."

Lou had to look down onto her plate, the tears burning behind her eyelids.

"Let's go home Dawn," Buck pleaded, "we gotta be up early tomorrow. I'll go get Blossom."

"Sure," Teaspoon quickly added, "I'll borrow my deputies bed tonight since he probably is already snoring in mine."

Lou swallowed and looked up; "Need anything Teaspoon?"

"Naw Lou, I'll be fine, I'll just wash my face and probably go out like a light. It's been a long day." He smiled one of his rare side lopped smiles at her and walked to the stairs, having to wait as Buck rounded the corner with a sleeping girl in his lap. Dawn walked over to the couch and scooped the puppy into her arms. Then she buried her face into its fur.

Rachel came up to Lou after having cleared the table, "I'll do the dishes tomorrow Lou, Don't you worry. Everything will be fine. Goodnight Lou, don't let them bed bugs bite."

Night all," Lou fought to muster a smile, "see ya tomorrow."

Dawn took a detour and stopped by Lou's side. Then she freed one arm and laid it around Lou, hugging her for a moment. Without a word she then let go and walked out. Lou sank back to the bench by the table and rested her head in her hands.

 

She must have listened for his steps without knowing, The moment she heard them come her way her heart took a leap. She waited for him to come inside, she needed to talk to him, she needed to know if he had changed his mind. If he had she'd be forced to lie to him and say it was all right. That if he wanted he could go. It would be a lie, but she'd do it. Or would she?

But he didn't come in.

She glanced at the clock and noticed how late it was. He had been out there for an hour already. And she knew exactly where he was. Rising from her place she walked over to take the bucket and fill it up for the morning. At least it would serve as an excuse. Soundlessly she opened the door and found him exactly where she knew he would be. Sitting on the porch, staring out into the dark. Like he had done so many times, specially when there was talk of the war. He didn't even notice her. His head sank and he sat there, completely still, looking to the ground.

She set the bucket down and walked over to him. "What are you doin' Kid?"

His head popped up and he looked at her, like wondering what she was doing there. And Lou wondered where he was at, or where he wanted to be at? "Kid?"

Crouching before him she laid her hands on his knees for balance. The light from the window behind him obfuscated her view of him for a moment.

"Just thinkin' Lou." His voice was calm and steady but his words made her heart shrink. She had a fair idea what he was thinking about and she hated the fact that he was sitting out here, in the dark, thinking about the war that went on without him. But she dared not ask exactly what he was thinking, it might be too much for her to bear. But the fear of not knowing his thoughts or plans was equally painful.

"Gettin' water?" He asked.

Lou nodded.

"I'll go," he said and moved to get up.

"Kid, please tell me."

"Tell you what?"

She was able to see his face clearer now, her eyes having adjusted to the dark outside. Looking at him she saw a faint smile. A guarded faint smile, like he was shielding her from something. It made her feel worse. She had to swallow hard. "Tell me you're not thinkin' what I think you're thinkin'."

"And what am I thinkin', Lou?" He took her hands into his own, the smile gone and a sadness coming over him. A sadness that confirmed Lou's suspicions.

"You're wrong Kid! The South doesn't need you as much as we do! I don't care what the people are sayin'. To me you are the bravest man of them all. You stand by your own convictions. You honor the memory of Noah. To me that's more honorable than anything in this world. Kid, please don't think anything else. Please."

He reached out for her, enfolding her waist with strong hands and positioned her into his lap, "I know you do Lou."

 _But you're thinking you should be out there with them. You're thinking you ain't man enough if you don't do like the others, fight for your native soil. And what I'm thinking' ain't enough, is it Kid? She buried her face into the crook of his neck, closing her eyes to keep the tears at bay. You're thinking you might make a difference if you go out there, don't you? You're feeling like a traitor because you're staying here with your family. Because I'm keeping you here. Men you admire are out there fighting and you're here with us, knowing that people are talking and wondering about the choices you've made.  
_  
"You okay, Lou?" He stroke her cheek, mumbling into her hair.

"Fine," she mumbled with her nose pressed to his collar.

"I'd better get that water, Lou."

"Yeah," she nodded and freed herself from his hold, careful not to let him see her face. If he did, he would know how scared she was and it would lay ulterior burden on him."If you want breakfast tomorrow you'd better." Rising to her feet she turned to walk into the house. Kid chuckled behind her and rose too, scrambling with the bucket as he walked over to the pump.

Lou rested in the darkness of the hallway, listening to the steps over the sandy yard, steps walking away. The sound sent a chill down her spine. She was scared, scared that one morning she would wake up and not find him in their bed, scared that she'd walk down and find a letter on the table. A letter that told her he had left for the war. That the internal fighting was over and he had taken a choice she had dreaded for years. Ever since he spoke those words by that campfire. That leaving her would be the worst thing he'd ever done but if the war came he would go. But now he had a daughter, so many things had changed since the day he'd spoken those words. He had a family, a wife and a daughter, who both needed him more than the South ever would. Didn't he see that? Wasn't that the most important thing? Why would some old memories of the South haunt him? Force him to go to a war and possibly die? And what about his friends? What about the memory of Noah? Would he respect that?

 _I don't care about the South, he ain't yours, he's mine!_ Her fingers dug into her palms as she screamed silently, hating the South, hating the war, and hating her own fear. _Goddammit you're not gettin' him, you're not. You've had far too many already, and you ain't gettin' Kid. Not him, never! You hear that? You ain't taking him!  
_  
A tear ran down her cheek and she hurried to wipe it away when she heard his footsteps return. She wouldn't lay further burden on him, not with tears. But the fear lay heavily around her heart.


	9. Chapter 9

He woke with a start, sensing something was up. Cursing himself for nodding off. Alarmed he rose from the chair and walked the few steps to the bed. His heart beating oddly fast in his chest. His first thought going to his wife and daughter, his reason for being. The sight of Dawn sleeping soundly calmed him and he reached out to touch her, like to convince himself everything was just fine. She muttered irritably when he stroke her cheek, burying her face into the pillow. He had to smile at the pup under the sheet, she had once again done exactly what she wanted to, never listening to him. That dog would never be a watch dog, too spoiled already. Shaking his head at the sight of the two in bed he wondered what his Kiowa family would say if they knew he ended up sharing his bed with a puppy?

"Hey baby," he whispered to her, she grunted and pouted her lips, never opening her eyes. She must be so hot, he thought, arranging the sheet around her. Bowing to kiss her brow, smiling as she let out an other irritated sound. That was Dawn all right, better leave her alone while sleeping.

The puppy lifted his head and the small tail moved vigorously before sleep took over. The small paws twitched when the puppy's head sank onto the pillow and a content sigh escaped the tiny newcomer to their family. Buck rested at the side of the bed, looking at the picture of his wife and the dog. He smiled, knowing that when Dawn loved she loved with her whole heart, and the dog could count his blessings all right. He walked over to the bed where his daughter was snoring slightly, her dark hair soft to his touch as he stroke it. The sheet damp around her. Her eyelids were moving and Buck noticed a smile on her lips. Her happiness was all he ever wanted, all he ever worked for. His family. Kissing his daughter's round healthy cheek he felt a twinge of bad conscience. He feared his life was too good, that it wasn't fair. Back in the villages his people was struggling to survive, fighting the hunger and the misery.

He knew he'd have to pay for this happiness. He knew that somewhere along the line something would happen and take away all he had. It had happened before and it would again. His mother had died when he was very young, leaving him alone in the world. Ike had died in his prime, leaving him devastated. Right now he didn't even know where his own brother was, or if he was alive. He had sent word for him but not heard anything back. As soon as life seemed to get on track a disaster occurred, taking away the foundation. And he knew that this time it might be for good. If something happened to his family he didn't think he'd have the strength to carry on, not now, not that he had seen the good life.

Caressing his daughter's black shiny hair he rose to walk back to the window, feeling like he was on an eternal watch. But this time he didn't know what he was keeping watch for, other than the impending danger of the fires. But there was something else too, something evil in the air. Something unseen and intangible, like a suffocating warning of undetectable danger.

Walking back to window facing the barn he glanced over at his sleeping wife. And prayed to the spirits that nothing would happen to her, because if it did, his life would be over too.

The figure on the bed moved, and her eyes fell on him where he stood in the middle of the room. "Buck?"

He smiled at her, not wanting to alarm her. "Just checked Blossom,"

"Com'ere!" she called quietly, moving to sit up.

"Go back to sleep honey," he replied softly, stopping to watch her. She needed her sleep.

"Now," Dawn ordered, pointing to the empty side of the bed. "You haven't slept all night, don't you think I've noticed you wandering around? Running Buck, you better place that butt on this bed in this instant!"

He couldn't help but smile at her wording, when Dawn got mad you'd better do as told or you'd be sorry. Still smiling he moved to sit on the edge of the bed, leaning in to give her a kiss on the pouting lips. She withdrew and arched her eyebrow, pointing to the bed. With a sigh he lay down, resting his head on the pillow and watching her to see if she was finally content?

She draped her arms around him, her embrace instantly soothing him. Her hand stroking his hair languidly, her voice singing an old native lullaby softly, rocking him slowly. He smiled and buried his face in her long honey scented hair. The scent of cinnamon on her skin calming him and taking him back to his childhood, to baking of apple pies and laughter. With eyes closed he listened to her voice, soft and low, lulling him into peace.

"I love you," he said with a thick voice, all his fears and premonitions gathering in his stomach. Forming a hard knot at the prospect of losing all this.

She kissed his ear tenderly, arraigning him to lie on his back, defenseless like a child. Her fingers tracing his features, following his nose down to his lips, caressing his cheeks and taking his worries away. With feathery light touches she warmed his heart, the sound of her voice imbedding him in safety. His hand searched for her free one and he clutched it into his, feeling her strong slender fingers take a hold of him and give him the confidence he lacked a moment ago. The knot in his stomach seemed to disappear as she held him. He knew she knew where his mind had been, without him uttering a word she had read him completely. And now she was taking that bad moment away. His limbs grew heavy and he floated into a sensation of togetherness with he whole world. a safe place. The humming tune reminding of evenings around the fire, warm nights in harmony. How could he ever repay what this woman did for him? Would she ever truly understand how much he cherised her? He tried to move to tell her that. But her arms steadied him and her lips kissed his closed eyelids.

"I love you too Buck," she whispered, "that's what this all is about. Loving each other and living in peace. Don't forget that and we'll be fine. Just keep your eyes on the light and the spirits will guide you."

Under his closed eyelids an eagle took over the sky, a majestic animal flew over open blue sky. He followed the sight until he couldn't see any longer. He couldn't fight the sleep any longer, he didn't have to.

 

 

Dawn smiled when she felt him relax, lying still and waiting till the sleep got deeper and claimed her warrior totally. He had been so tense these past few days, on numerous occasion she could tell old demons haunting him, making him doubt and wander the nights. Like he was afraid to close his eyes and find all gone in the morning. Slowly removing her arms from around him she watched his face, now relaxed in the desperately needed sleep. The line of torment gone from his forehead. She kissed his lips lightly, loving him with all her heart. Her eyes automatically wandering over to her sleeping daughter, watching the small hand clasped onto the rag she called her pony. The rag Buck had spent an entire evening trying to tie into something that at least resembled the tiny foal he and Blossom had watched playing in the fields earlier that day. Now the rag-horse had lost part of it's earlier shape and his belly was sagging. But Blossom loved the 'pony' as much as ever.

Walking over to the cot she smiled at her daughter's hard grip around the tail. That pony would soon be deprived of its tail too. Her eyes wandered back to her husband, his black hair contrasting against the whiteness of the pillow, the puppy still sleeping on her side of the bed, curled up to a small bundle.

She hoped Buck understood how happy she was, she wished he'd never forget how far they had come. And she hoped that someday all those grievances he still held would ease off. She wished with all her heart she would be able to help him. In any way possible. Her eyes took in the sight of him, her heart bleeding for him. It wasn't right for him to have so much dark memories haunting him and she would gladly have taken that pain away from his eyes. Those beautiful dark eyes that occasionally shadowed over with the memories of a past so painful it made him unable to rest. Wishing she could promise him that everything would be all right, that there was no cause to worry. But she couldn't do that. Not in times like these.

Remembering that same despair in Lou's eyes as the watched Kid over the table when Teaspoon told them about more losses to the war. That streak of fear of losing everything she had read so clearly in her friend's eyes. She could imagine the fear that ran through Louise in that moment, to wake up and find Kid, gone, the possibility of being handed that dreadful letter.

She didn't understand Kid, she truly didn't. Why would he go out and fight a war which purposes he didn't even totally believe in? Why would he leave his wife and child and travel hundreds of miles to get killed for something that he had left so many years ago? She was mad at him for even thinking about it, but then in a flash she remembered her brothers and sisters fighting for their way of life. Fighting against an enemy that was too enormous to ever defeat. Fighting to the last warrior. To then be forced to capitulate and slowly die like cattle enclosed in reservations instead. Deprived of pride and dignity? Fed with the crumbles of the rich white man's table? Vilified and doomed because you didn't belong to 'them'?

She wasn't quite sure she wouldn't fight to the last drop of blood herself if she found herself in that predicament. But she didn't, and she felt a deep guilt. Was she turning her back on her people? Who was she? Her mother had been white, part of the oppressors in the eyes of the natives, but her father had been a proud warrior. One that had laid down his life for his people. Still her mother and father had loved each other deeply, despite all the differences. They had loved each other's spirits. That spirit that unified all living creatures in the world. That spirit she had been taught to hold as sacred, the spirit that resided inside every living creature. But lately it seemed that an evil worked hard to force everybody apart.

Tears welled in her eyes as she looked out the window. Nothing was ever easy. Nothing was ever plain and simple. Not even love. But the future of her children was at stake. The survival of the small one she was carrying in her belly and the happiness in the eyes of her daughter as she ran over the yard with her friend. But yet, how many times hadn't that spirit been taunted by the townspeople calling her daughter an 'Injun'? And the silence of the people watching her daughter being taunted. It was cruel, so cruel. The smug smiles that had been turned into shameful conscience as one little girl stood up for her friend and extended her a hand inviting her into the play. The innocence of a child reminding the adults of their mistake. It took so little to return the happiness into her daughter's eyes. An outstretched hand.

It had taken far more for her to forget. It had taken the calm of Buck to persuade her not to trample all over that woman that had shown her contempt for her beautiful daughter. It had taken the love of her husband to calm her down and make her see reason. Life wasn't perfect, and it would never be.

Buck with the insight to both worlds. Buck that had seen the ugliness of both worlds, and the beauty. She let her eyes caress the sleeping figure on the bed, grateful for having found him. Grateful that he still loved her, although the sacrifices had seemed insurmountable at times. He stood by her side, as did her friends. The new family she had found. She never wanted to lose it, never. Nobody of them.

She moved to take her husband's place by the window, keeping vigil. Tears rolled down her cheek as she sank into the chair and watched the stillness of the night, the cool air fluttering in from the window. Bringing her some coolness in the heat. A reminder of the ever changing of times.

And she prayed for every living creature in the world.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slight NC-17 content

The brisk movement in the room woke her from the uneasy sleep she had drifted into. She opened her eyes in time to see Kid's back as he stepped out of the room. Moments later she heard his steps scurry down the stairs. Then proceed rapidly over the kitchen floor and vanish at the sound of the closing of the front door.

It had taken him mere seconds to react and Lou didn't know to what but she feared the worst. She couldn't see out the window from where she was, cursing she looked for her clothes and found her skirt neatly hung over the chair by the bed. But her blouse seemed gone. Staggering to the dresser she slid into her clothes, grabbing the first blouse she laid her eyes on before rushing to the window.

There was absolutely no sign or turmoil outside, but she heard voices from the front door. Miah's young and excited, Kid trying to calm him. But she couldn't make the words out.

Sensing the alarm she turned to join the men on the porch, tiptoeing fast across the hall to reach the stairs and not wake Emma up. Below there was already movement, Teaspoon's heavy steps approaching the door, Tessa's light ones following. Her younger sister's voice trembling when she asked her adopted Grandpa what was going on.

Lou reached downstairs in time to see Teaspoon open the door, letting the sound of Miah's voice inside.

"...it's all gone, everything!"

"Son," Teaspoon interrupted him, "what's going on?"

"Mabel and Jake," Kid spoke silently, "their place went up in flames tonight."

Lou stifled the gasp and reached for Tessa's hand while watching her face go pale. Mabel and Jake were an old couple, surviving on selling eggs to the town, they had no riches, not much land, nothing. And now they didn't even have a place to live in. If not...."

"Oh Lord," she whimpered, dragging Tessa behind her out to the porch, "are they all right? I mean, ..did they survive?" Her eyes scanning Miah's appearance to ensure herself of his well-being."Was it an accident?"

Kid turned to her, looking at her as if to see how much she could take. She met steadily with his gaze, ensuring him she was able to handle anything.

"We don't know Lou," Miah ranted, "we didn't get to know before it was all over. They're both fine, well they'll live. But they had to leave everything. The place is gone, there's nothing but ashes left. Luckily there wasn't much for the fire to feed on or we would have had another wild fire."

"Who's out there now?" Teaspoon asked.

"Tom rode out there as soon as we got to know, he sent me here to get you. We wouldn't even have known it the neighbors hadn't seen the light and ridden out to fight that fire. Mr. Browning said it was something fierce!"

"We have to start a fire watch," Kid said, "those aren't accidents."

Teaspoon watched the younger man pensively, avoiding Lou's questioning glance. Like he didn't want to neither confirm Kid's suspicions nor dismiss them. But Lou knew Kid was right, it was inconceivable that all these fires would be accidents. Normally there was maybe one or two fires in Sweetwater yearly - but now? She felt a cold shiver run down her spine and shivered.

Kid draped his arm around her shoulders. "Let's get some coffee before we ride out."

She turned her face to look at him, he had once premised to stop marshaling or acting like deputy, was he forgetting that too now?

Teaspoon shook his head. "Stay home Kid, there's nothing you can do anyhow. Stay home "

She smiled smugly at Teaspoon's words, Kid must have noticed her content He look at her, catching her ardent stare. He clutched her close and nodded; "Alright boss, whatever you say. Now can I go get Buck and Dawn," he smirked, "is that alright with you boss?"

The smile on his lips had Lou pinch his ribs. He grunted but didn't let go.

Miah rolled his eyes and followed Teresa inside, probably hoping for breakfast. Teaspoon threw them a quick glance and left them alone on the porch.

"Lou, really, I'm not going anywhere."

He was serious now, as if he knew exactly what was bothering her since last night and those letters. She wished she could believe him, she so wished he didn't have that do-the-right-thing in him. But she knew him too well.

But she let herself be drawn into his embrace, answer his soft kiss.

"Alright?" he then asked, watching her face intently.

"Go get the others," she said and pushed him away."Breakfast will be ready soon!" Disentangling herself from his hold she smiled at him, swatting him playfully as his hand came to tickle her. "Go on, scoot!"

But he didn't go. He remain looking at her, obviously waiting for something.

"Alright," she finally agreed. "It's alright Kid. Now go get them."

He smiled and turned. She followed his stride for a while before turning to help Tessa with the breakfast.

 

 

Beads of sweat formed on her forehead as she rinsed the plates. Rubbing her eyes with her arms she felt the salt sting. It was noun and the sun was fierce, the air absolutely still. Even the water in the sink was already lukewarm, and she had just carried it inside. There was nothing fresh anywhere.

Emma was banging the wooden spoon fall from the kitchen stool, over and over again. Giggling as it crashed to the ground. It drove her crazy, but she didn't want to say anything. Her daughter had finally found something that at least momentarily amused her.

Looking through the window she saw Teaspoon dismounting his horse, making his way to the stables.

Squinting her eyes she wondered what he was doing back here so soon? Another disaster?

Kid and Buck appeared from behind the barn, wiping their faces with the sleeves of their shirts, and then their hands on their trouser. Lou growled at the prospect of another pile of dirty male garments.

Behind her Emma was tapping the spoon against the stool, singing some odd tune to the rhythm.

Lou remain looking at the three men outside, her hands on the counter, the sun frying the wood through the thing lace curtains.

There seemed to be a brief dispute, Buck shaking his head, nodding to Kid. Kid glaring at the former, raising his hands in an avoiding gesture. Buck standing absolutely still, with his back to the window, but from her angle it looked like he was giving Kid a stare down. Kid finally tucking his hands into his trouser pockets and kicking a stone at his feet. Teaspoon patting his shoulder.

Lou frowned in confusion, not able to comprehend what was going on.

Then Teaspoon and Kid turned to the house, and Kid and her eyes met over the distance. She froze.

Something in that gaze told her something was up, something out of the ordinary. Kid started walking towards her, Teaspoon following suit. Kid sloping shoulders told her even more, whatever was up he didn't want to tell her.

When the door opened she turned, burying her eyes into Kid's, demanding to know.

Emma let out a squeal of joy and ran over to the pair at the door, leaving the spoon in the middle of the floor.. Teaspoon lifting her up into his lap, tickling her into a heap of helpless giggles.

"Come on Emma," he scowled benevolently, "time to go water them horsies. Your Ma and Pa need to have a talk." Throwing a talkative glance over his shoulder to Kid, he made his way back out. Emma's face shining with pure happiness over the honor of being Grandpa Teaspoon's handpicked helper.

In silence Lou fought to control her emotions. The memories of Kid out on the porch, his face when Teaspoon spoke of the demised, his silence the previous night. Was that what this was all about? Teaspoon having heard even more bad news for the Cause and begging Kid to go? Could Teaspoon do something like that? Would he want her to sacrifice.....

"I have to go Lou," Kid spoke from the door.

The apology in his voice made her barely contained restraint explode into pure rage at the man that had promised her never to leave her side. "Now?" She hollered, "you decided to go now? Without even talking to me first? What was that all about last night? That silent treatment, huh? Did you sit there and decide all by your self? I'm your wife, I have the right to know before you tell Tea---"

"Lou?" Kid looked absolutely baffled as he tried to stop her tirade.

"...spoon and Buck? Was it somethin' Teaspoon said that made you decide that today of all days was...."

"Lou, I'm going to take Mallory to her sister's..."

"..the day ya finally made your decision? Is it because there's a murderer on the loose and you..."

"To FT. Laramie, Lou."

"just wanna run? Or is it that ya can't help but go kill yourself for that goddamned Cause? What is it with ..."

"Lou, I won't be gone for more than a week, tops."

".. you southerners? What's wrong with y'all? How's it possible to love a piece of land so much you need to go an' die for it?" She was hollering at the top of her lungs, her breath becoming strained, the beads of sweat running down her neck. The rage consuming her. Then the words Kid spoke finally registered. Out of breath she remain staring at the man at the door.

"Mall asked for me or Buck, Lou. And it's my turn. I'm not leaving you here alone. Teaspoon will be here, a deputy will patrol at night and Miah too. I'm not leaving you Lou."

He was watching the front of her shirt, a shirt that now was clinging to her body, damp from the sweat her anger had made cover her entire body. She sank down to sit on the stool, still panting.

Kid looked at her, a smile twitching at his lips. "Raspberries," he said as he started walking toward her.

"Raspberries? What are you talking about?"

"They look like raspberries!" His voice husky as he came to her, his eyes were locked on her chest. Kid sank to his knees in front of her, kissing her through the fabric. His lips touching her made her realize her rage was nothing but fear of losing him. She reached out a hand to bury it in his hair. Letting her fingers run trough it as his opened the buttons of her blouse.

"Ar'ya listenin' to me?" she tried again, hoping to get through to him.

"No," he mumbled, raising his head to kiss her neck. Causing her to smile at his blunt honesty. She tried to get mad at him again but just couldn't.

"Like raspberries don't ya?" she teased him.

"Can't live without 'em," he grunted while he was fighting the buttons. As his mouth suckled her freed tender skin, she moaned in lust for the man driving her out of her mind.

"Kid!" She breathed into his hair. "You ain't goin' nowhere until you give me another child!"

Lifting her up in his arms he started for the stairs.

Lou closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck. She wanted to cry in relief , but that would destroy the moment. Instead she rested her hot cheek on Kid's neck, taking in his scent. Still mad at him. But she needed him more now than she ever had before in her life.


	11. Chapter 11

He wanted to wince when he walked back to the house, the trip out to check on the horses on pasture had wore him down. Everything wore him down lately. The nights he couldn't sleep, the days on eternal vigil. The heat, the draught. Each day that passed without incidents had him worry more, worry that one night he'd fall asleep and the fire would creep up on them. Taking all. Knowing his eternal pacing in the house, around it, and into the barn at night drove Dawn crazy. By now she was just as tired from just watching him fret as he was by agonizing over what might happen. His body ached of lack of sleep and discomfort. His mind ached from the inability to stop the madness that coveted in the area. The hostility and brewing hatred he almost felt on his skin. Neighbors turning on neighbor, rumors spreading, fingers pointing. The sum of money they had gained from selling horses to the Army had half Sweetwater pointing their fingers at the Injuns and the McClouds. They were far too lucky in their minds. They had the money to buy licks for the horses, the pond on their land and the Army buying horses from them. And Teaspoon was just in as tight a spot as they were. Rumors spreading that he was sheltering them, that he didn't uphold the law as should. It wasn't good, it was like asking for trouble, but he was here, his family was here and he had to protect them. And every sound outside at night had all his senses on full alert.

Wiping his brow he walked on, his feet moving automatically, knowing the way. By now even in the dark.

When he turned the corner of the barn he slopped and groaned; knowing there was another battle lined up in front of the porch of his house.

 

Standing on the porch of the dusty homestead she looked down the valley, pondering. She should be getting into town and get something to feed her horse and herself. The horse was surviving on grass alone and it wasn't in the shape she wished it would be. She needed that horse fast and trim. Alert and eager, it needed some corn or oats. She needed something else than the occasional prey she got. But was the risk worth it? She had been sneaking around homesteads, stealing whatever she could get her hands on. But it wasn't enough. What she needed was money, money always got everybody what they wanted. And it would help her get revenge.

Walking back inside she tried to weigh the pro's and con's. Would anybody take her for anything else than a widow if she walked into town in her stolen back dress and the signs of mourning? Would she hazard to pay a visit to the woman next in line for her pay-back? That woman would undoubtedly recognize her. But she also held what she needed the most right now, a healthy sum of silver coins in her drawer. Ten years ago she had seen the flash of the treasure as the woman laughed in her face and told her nothing, but nothing would touch the honor and memory of her late husband. The husband she had killed the night he wasn't quite as honorable.

His whiskey laden breath had haunted her for years, his callous eyes in her dreams as she battled with herself and what she could have done to save the ones she loved. The dreams had her wake in the middle of the night, cold sweat covering her body as she lie on bunk, surrounded by women screaming, fighting, pleading for their lives. Or walking the halls, empty eyed, pale and ghostlike. And the hatred had kept growing, it had simmered for a long while, just beneath the surface. Then, as years passed by and she had turned the events over and over in her head and in her dreams, it had taken over her completely. It had consumed her and she knew there was no alternative. It was either rot away in this hell or get the other to join her in another. And the ease with which she had fooled the guardians showed her that God was on her side.

Wasting her dusty male clothing and pulling the heavy dress over her head she cringed at the heat. It would probably suffocate her on her way to Sweetwater. But it was either live on you knees or die laughing at fate. And she'd rather take on the latter, she had been living on her knees for too long already.

The dress was slightly too large, it hung to the floor, covering her boots. And it was just perfect. The hat with the black veil the last shield. The dress was dusty, dirty really, like it had been worn for weeks. Like the bearer had traveled miles and miles over the prairie. She smiled smugly, everything was falling into its place. God really was on her side.

 

 

"Where are you goin'?" he asked and gripped her wrist as she ducked under the horse's neck to get the bay properly set up in front of the buggy.

She stopped and looked at him, calmly. "We need some supplies Buck, we'll be back in a couple of hours."

"Dawn, please!"

"It's gonna be alright, Buck," she almost hummed the words. "Miah is coming with us, Teaspoon is inside, Rachel is here. Everything will be fine."

He remain with his grip around her wrist, like she was a lifeline. Needing to ask her not to go, not to leave him here. He needed to keep them all under surveillance. He needed her to fight the evil in the air. "Who's goin'?" he asked instead, releasing her.

"Me an' Lou's taking the girls to town, Buck. We need a diversion, we're all going bunk crazy over here. And there's nothing left to eat, no beans, nothing. Buck, we need to go." Her voice was calm but determined. Standing with her back to him, hitching the horse.

He grunted in protest and she turned. And her eyes held a softness that he certainly wasn't worthy of right in this instance.

"Buck," she spoke softly as she took a step to stand right in front of him;"I know you're in a very dark place right now. I know you're haunted, I know you ache. I can hear you walkin' around, waiting for the worst and I just know. You need a rest Buck, you need to rest before you fall apart."

"I'm fine," he said. "I can go."

"I know you can," she said, cupping his face in her hands. "But I want you to go inside, just lay down for a moment. Let the others take on your burden. Just for a while. Let us help, Buck, please. I can't stand seein' you in that dark place when you won't let me in. You won't let me help, Buck. It's driving me crazy. You walk around saying nothing, you watch this place like it would crumble down on itself. And you won't talk Buck, why?"

He blinked in surprise, watching her clear eyes as they bore into his. He had tried to hide from Dawn before, but it hadn't worked. And now what he was, was hurting her.

Her hands came to lay on his arms, pleading. Her eyes held the knowledge. "This ain't happenin' because of you, or me, Buck. It's happening, an' there ain't nothing you can do to stop it. There ain't nobody askin' you to. I can feel it too Buck, that evil in the air, but I ain't askin' you to make it go away. It will, eventually it will. Some day this will be over too, some day this draught will give in. And the day the rain comes everythin' will change."

He nodded, he knew it, he knew she was telling the truth. It wasn't really anybody's fault. Except the one holding the torch. Or whatever it was making the flares of fire sweep over unsuspecting homesteads. The knowledge that he didn't even know what or who it was weighed down heavily on him. If he would have been able to pick up a track, a sign - anything, he'd know what to look for. Now all he had was this unsettling uncertainty. If the rain came everything would be different. The immediate danger would be over.

The sound of feet had him turn his head and watch as Lou and Rachel traversed the yard, Miah and the girls in tow. The tiny ladies clad in their Sunday outfits, Miah with his usual outfit and a silver star on his chest.

"Just be careful," he mumbled, wrapping her into his hold. "Just see to it that you keep Miah around you at all times and ...."

"Sometimes I understand Lou wantin' to whack Kid over the head," Dawn groaned and rolled her eyes.

 

 

The town was bustling with people, a the south bound couch just having rolled in, with supplies that were hastily hauled into the store. People having waited fighting to get in first, and get their hands on the much needed merchandise. A few remaining outside, looking at the commotion, sticking their hands into their pockets. Their credit gone and their financial situation desperate.

Lou cringed at the thought that such a day would sooner or later come for them too, the day she would have to tell her child there was nothing to eat. Nothing except bread and jerked beef. Miah reined the horse in at the hitching post outside the Teaspoon's office, straight across from the General Store. Lou climbed down, reaching for her daughter and smiling at her suddenly so grown-up brother. "See you here in a coupl'a hours?"

"Buck said...."

"Just go on with your business Miah, I know you haven't visited in a while, just make it brief, will ya?"

"No Lou," Miah shook his head, "I won't leave...."

"Peasoup?" Dawn chirped, from behind the wagon. "Y'know how much you love it. It might be on the menu for a week if you don't leave us womenfolk alone for just awhile."

Miah turned and glared at the woman, she simply tilted her head and smiled back. "But Buck..." he protested.

"Us women need time alone Jeremiah! Better learn that straight away. We can't always be bothered by menfolk following behind our skirts, sometimes we need civilized company." Blossom at her side, giggling at his smirking face. Sticking a finger into her mouth and jumping on one leg in joy.

Lou laughed and patted Miah's shoulder; "Dawn's right, we're gonna have a nice stroll, maybe step into the Fashion Emporium an' indulge ourselves in womanly things, wanna join us?"

Miah wrinkled his brow in disgust.

"Thought so," Lou leered, "get a move on, go see her and then report back. Be at the store in two hours or so, you'll find us there."

"Just don't tell anybody," Miah mumbled, "they'll tar and feather me if they ever find out."

"Just behave yourself," Lou said sternly, "and watch out."

"You too, sis, you too," he mumbled as he climbed into the wagon and gripped the reins. For a moment he hesitated but at Lou's arched eyebrow he flicked the reins and drove off.

"Finally!" Dawn sighed contentedly.

"F'naly," Emma echoed, casting a glance up at her mom, straightening her back and tugging at her hand. "Lollibop? Ma?"

"Soon baby, soon you'll have your Lollipop."

 

Turning the corner to the main street she suppressed a moan, the dress was choking her, her feet were killing her and if she didn't get some water soon she'd be a goner. Leaving the horse so far behind hadn't been one of her brighter ideas. But women in mourning did not ride into Sweetwater with their skirts flapping.

She eyed the livery stable and the corral as she walked by, maybe she'd just borrow a horse on her way back?

Smiling under her veil she continued onwards, people saluting her in respect. Men lifting their hats, women looking down in respect upon meeting her, keeping their heads bowed as they passed. Never looking twice. Passing the gunsmith she pondered on the amount of ammunition still left in the house she had borrowed, it was high time she got more. As soon as she got the money of the woman owing her her life. Smiling she saw the Saloon emerge before her, and the name over the door was still the same. And so, with some luck, would the woman occupying the rooms on the back of the house be. Mrs. Meredith Vonkel, sister of miss Ruby and patron for all the scum of the world. Including her, until now.

Walking to the back of the house she saw a window slightly ajar.

"Stupid woman," she muttered to herself as she eyed around, finding no one in sight. A piano playing in the background, covering the sounds. Barely able to contain her chuckle she slid inside, "asks to be killed this one."

 

 

Lou was worn out from dragging the girls from the adorable puppy outside the Barbers Shop. Blossom had escaped twice, slipping though their fingers like a little eel. Emma following, giggling. Dawn finally giving in, clutching both the small hands in hers, she nodded for Lou to do the ordering while she stayed outside, keeping the little brats under surveillance. Chatting amicably with the Vicar's wife that had a huge smile on her face, having seen the little display. Lou shook her head at her daughter's antics and walked inside, saluting the women fingering some cloth. _So Meredith is letting her girls get some air today?_ She thought amused, _must be real slow over at the Saloon._

Eyeing for the owner she heard sounds from the backroom, straining her ears she heard the blacksmith ordering. She sighed, knowing it would take some time before he was done. Letting her eyes wander she got a glimpse of a dime novel and walked up to eye it closer. Remembering Cody. She smiled when she read the title on the cover; "Billy Joe's Adventures." Absentmindedly she let her eyes run over the printed lines.

Then she heard the mumbles;

 _leaving her....the Injun stealin'....saw a pinto that was definitely not......Indian lovers.....outta run'em outta town...not right for a man to not join the war...but he's a Southerener....well let 'em al get killed....along with all 'em redskins...have plenty of money is said...an' where you think...stealin' and robbin'....ain't right...some say he left with the widow....damned southerener....should go back and die....comin' here an'  
_  
She lifted her head and looked right at the three women. Meredith Vonkel hurried to look away, suddenly not a sound was heard. And Lou knew.

Her blood boiled at the sight of the woman, the primary gossip spreader in town. Widower of the former Saloon owner, sister to the brothel keeper. And she had the nerve? "You were sayin' Meredith?" Her anger got the better of her and the words escaped her mouth.

"Mrs. McCloud," the woman nodded in her direction, "haven't seen Mr. McCloud around lately, where's he at?"

A giggle escaped one of the girls.

"Not at your place I'm sure," Lou spat.

"Saloon only serves menfolk," the woman snorted, "soldiers and courageous men."

Lou started for them, her hands shivering. "No Indians either I suppose, or Injuns as you like to call 'em."

"As I said, civilized folks, we're a civilized establishment."

Coming from her it was the last drop. Lou halted her stride, shivering all over, trembling of rage. But the three women laughed and turned to walk out the door, leaving her there, not even getting the last word in. Waking from her torpor she hissed and started outside. Walking briskly, gaining on the women that cast worried glances over their shoulders and hastened their steps. Lou lifted grabbed her skirt, cursing it. If she had her pants on she would have caught up with them before they'd had time to blink. Crossing the street she lost sight of them, a coach stopping her momentarily. She heard Dawn holler her name in surprise, but she didn't heed, she was out to set the woman straight.

Before the dust from the couch settled she felt Dawn grip her wrist; "Lou?"

"I'm gettin' her scalp," Lou wheezed, dragging Dawn along with her as she started walking.

"What?"

"Meredith and her civilized manners, she was badmouthing us all back at the store. And I'm gonna have her scalp!"

A by-passer lifted his eyebrow in surprise at her words.

"Now Lou, simmer down," Dawn tried, but Lou walked on, muttering.

She dragged Dawn all the way to the Saloon, just in time to watch Meredith slam the door shut behind her. Lou shivered and freed herself from Dawn's hold, running up to the door, banging on it. Repeatedly. But no-one answered.

"Lou!" Dawn called, "Miah is here, let's go!"

Lou kicked the door in a very unladylike manner. "I'll have your scalp yet!" she spat to the closed door. Two of the saloon girls hanging out of the window above, watching the commotion.

Dawn groaned and started for the enraged Lou, but she had calmed down and was walking back.

Dawn hooked her arm around Lou's, dragging her back to the store; "Never thought I'd say this but Kid's right, one needs eyes in the back of your skull when you're around. What on earth had you rush out like that, ya looked like ya were about to strangle somebody."

"I would'ave," Lou wheezed, "If I'da gotten close enough!"

"Oh Lord," Dawn groaned, "I wish Kid would come back, soon!"

Lou sneered at her.

 

In the dimly lit room, the woman watched Meredith Vonkel hide from sight behind the door. She was nervously rubbing her hands together. Not very popular at the moment as it seemed. And she smiled as the name "Lou" was hollered in the street, followed by a kick to the door. She'd be doing someone else a favor too as it seemed.

Pulling the veil off her face to be sure to be recognized she walked up to the woman lurking behind the door. Surprised at the sound of steps behind her, the woman turned around and her eyes widened.

"Hello Meredith," she said, solemnly.


	12. Chapter 12

Lou stretched out her finger to move the thin, laced cotton curtain to the side. Like that would give her better view of the yard, like it would make Kid come home faster? If she was looking, wouldn't he sense it and hurry home? Didn't he know how much she longed for him? It had been a week and two days already and he should already be home. But he wasn't and it was getting to her. She had grown so accustomed to having him close, being able to talk to him, nag at him. Just having him around. With him gone it felt oddly empty, despite the crowd of people she was temporarily hosting. Rachel and Tessa having dragged their beds to the parlor, Emma's cot soon to follow. Miah and Teaspoon occupying the bed in the spare room in turns. The nights they left someone else in charge of Sweetwater Teaspoon would trudge over to Dawn's and Buck's. Her house was always full and still so empty. Their bedroom was too clean, no boots to trip over in the morning, no pants or shirts thrown haphazardly over the chair. No sound of his breath in the night, no shifting of the bed as he moved. Nobody to nag for forgetting to mend the fences, no one to glare at disapprovingly as he smirked at the oatmeal served in the morning. No one that gulped down the coffee and stretched over to get the rolls, ruffling Emma's hair in the process. No-one to tease Tessa as she moaned over the heat.

She blinked, trying to steer her thoughts away from the sense of something missing. Bewildered at her own mood lately, the heat had truly worn her down. She felt tired and sad, she needed someone to hold her and tell her everything would be alright. But there was nobody.

Steps behind her had her turn. Miah was standing at the door, wiping the sweat out of his brow, sighing.. "You alright?" she asked, watching the young man's tired eyes.

"This heat is killin' me," Miah mumbled, slumping down onto the chair at the end of the table. "Teaspoon back yet?"

"Is he comin'?" Lou wondered, "you on duty tonight?"

"Nope," her brother said, "I think he told Brett to keep a look out. It's been so still lately, too still."

"Don't say that," Lou mumbled, loud enough for Miah to hear, silent enough to let it be a warning not to frighten the others.

"Shouldn't you get some rest?" Miah asked and rose to get another cup of the still warm coffee he had gotten used to drink at all hours of the day.

Lou cast him a warning glance; "Go easy on that stuff, it'll keep you awake all night."

"So will waitin'." Miah looked at her and smiled, a knowing grin. "It's empty," he said, nodding to the pot.

"I was lookin' for Teaspoon," Lou determined curtly and walked over to the stove, "I'll make some more, I bet Teaspoon forgot to have his dinner too. I'll better re-heat somethin' for 'im."

"You have to save the horse, can't run as fast as you like to. Chances are if you do that the horse...."

"Want some cookies?" Lou interrupted him, she did not need reassuring from her little brother, she was the big sister, she should be the reassuring one.

"No please, just hand me some coffee and I'll be just fine. And what those women said before, just forget it Lou. Don't pay them any mind, they're not worth it."

Her hand shook slightly as the stuffed wood into the stove, silently watching as the flames tentatively embraced the sticks. Hot and eager it got hold of what it wanted, engulfed it and consumed it. The wood crackling in protest, sizzling as the fire took it's hold and drenched all other sounds. Red and orange dancing, beauty and peril combined. "I know," she replied, getting one last log and closing the door, capturing the heat. "But it's gettin' to Kid."

"I know," Miah echoed as Lou turned to fill the coffee pot with fresh water.

"You do?" Lou asked, fighting to stay calm and composed. Had Kid talked to her little brother about it and not to her? "Did he tell you..."

"No Lou, never said a thing but I can tell. I've lived with you long enough to pick up on all kinds of signs. And somethin's gettin' to you too."

"It's the heat," Lou said, fumbling slightly with the grinder in her hand, "it's gettin' to everyone."

Miah looked at her while she measured the mix of chicory and roasted rye that they all called coffee. But it had nothing to with the real thing. And she missed the taste of the real thing. She turned to get a plate for Teaspoon and set the table. Miah helped her reach over to the other side and place the cups for Rachel and Tessa at their right spots. His eyes never leaving her, watching her like waiting for her to elaborate. "I'm sure they'll appreciate somethin' to eat too," she said, steering the discussion off the current topic. "Didn't get much down at dinner, either of them."

"Neither did you Lou," Miah pointed out, "what's...."

She was saved by Tessa's closing of the door to the parlor."Emma's finally asleep and I think Rachel's decked too." Leaning her front up against the door-frame she groaned; "Another day of this an' I don't know if I'll be accountable for my actions! ."

"Were ya ever?" Miah shot back.

"Go get the milk instead Miah! Kid always has the milk on the table when there's coffee comin' up, he knows I need milk in mine!" Tessa answered, casting a superior glance at her brother.

Miah mumbled, stretching over Lou to get to the jug, casting her an amused smile before doing as he was told.

Lou turned back to the pot on the stove, sadness washing over her like the tide. Another thing she missed.

 

She felt nauseous when she looked to the corner of the room, the woman now still. The stench of blood filling the room. The moans had finally been silenced. Why had she tried to scream? She shouldn't have tried to scream and lunge at her. She left her no choice but to push her hard, slam her head up against the mantel. If she only had kept her mouth shut she wouldn't be lying there now, eyes staring into some terrifying void. So still.

The knocks on the door had finally ceased, the voices outside wasn't calling for the woman anymore. The last discerning comment about the woman probably having taken to the bottle again had calmed her. Maybe she shouldn't be blamed for this one? Maybe Meredith had fallen in in her drunken state? It could have happened. Maybe she hadn't pushed her at all? The woman had simply fallen and hit her head badly.

She couldn't find the white handkerchief she had used to clean her hands off the blood any longer. She missed that white cloth, it had been soft to her hands. Comforting. Now all she had was Meredith's husband's old clothes tucked up under her dress. Making her look huge. Making her moves stiff and odd. She needed to get rid of the soiled dress, it was hot, stained and reeking of the air inside the room. A sweet nauseating stench, bodily liquids and cheap perfume.

 

 

It was dark outside now, and few people were on the streets any longer. The piano from the Saloon, the laughers and high-pitched singing would cover the sound of a window opening in the back. The darkness would shield her once again. Sticking her hand into the pocket she felt for the coins now rolled into a towel. There hadn't been as much as she had hoped for, but it would give her some peace of mind. She would be able to feed her horse and herself, and she had a brand new set of male clothing. Who would have thought that Meredith would have kept her late husband's clothes in her cupboard still? She should really light the kerosene lamp and crush it against the wall, burn all the evidence away. But that would call for attention. And right now she didn't need that. All she needed now was to get way from here, get to some water and clean herself of this horrid smell. Get rid off the dress and forget this evening. Forget that she didn't even get an excuse from the woman, that she wasn't even sure the woman had been scared. She had never had the time to see the fear in her eyes, and now they stared blindly into the darkness. No emotions revealed.

She'd have to get to the pond at Emma's place, that was the nearest water she knew off. She needed to get there and finally be clean. It still felt like Meredith was suffocating her by her mere presence.

It was close to midnight, and the heat had lessened somewhat. Lou sat on the porch swing, still waiting, wondering if something had happened since not even Teaspoon was back yet? Miah was taking a tour around the homestead and she knew he was wondering too. Tessa had fallen asleep in the chair besides the window in the parlor, all crumpled up into the chair, the light breeze from outside fanning her hair. Rachel sprawled across the bed, sweat trickling down her temple. Lou had just smiled at the fallen women and walked outside not to disturb them. She wouldn't sleep before the wee hours of the morning, she knew that.

Sitting in the swing, she rocked it lightly, leaning her head back on the slowly cooling wood. Closing her eyes and thinking about the man out on the plains. He must be out of provisions by now, maybe out of water too? But he'd be alright, he'd be just fine. She looked up into the sky, watching the faint light of the summer stars. No clouds in vision, another hot day lay ahead.

With a sigh she shut her eyes and curled up onto the swing, laying herself down to rest, envisioning a summer's rain falling, light and refreshing. She counted the drops until she fell asleep.

 

A hand on her cheek had her rise into a sitting position so fast that the shadow sitting crouched before the swing swayed backwards, startled. She stared, not sure if she could believe her eyes. A second shadow-like form appearing, heavier steps and a chuckle as the man stopped and watched them.

"Lou, why you sleepin' outside honey?"

With a sound between a sob and a giggle she leapt into his lap, draping her arms around him tightly. He lost his balance and fell onto the porch, a groan escaping him. Then he enclosed her into an embrace. "You alright? My girls all fine?"

She nodded against his neck, a thousand questions whirling around in her head; where have you been? Are you alright? What took you so long? How's Mal? The kids? But she didn't trust her voice to come out calm and composed so she clung to him instead, as if he had been away for years. She didn't even care that Teaspoon was standing right next to them, guffawing at the sight.

"I thought she'd have your hide, Kid."

"So did I, Teaspoon," Kid chuckled.

"I'll go see if there's any food left," Teaspoon announced and his steps disappeared into the house.

Lou snapped back into reality. They must both be so hungry. Looking at the man before her she smirked; "You're dirty!"

Kid laughed and hugged her closer.

 

The window made no sound as she opened it. Holding her breath she eased herself out of it, into the darkness. Not a soul was in sight and she turned to shut the window, the crowd in the Saloon still lively as she started walking away from the building. Keeping herself in the shadows, far away from the streets lit by the light inside the windows facing it. The stolen clothes tied around her waist were weighing her down, making her steps sound slower. Sweat trickled down her back and her breath came fast from anxiety. Her eyes scanned the street, looking out for any by-passers, but there were none. The town was empty and she smiled when she turned the last corner and found herself in almost complete darkness, only the faint stars now directing her to where she had tied her horse by the small stream. Her trusted mount would still be there, he had a tree to nibble on and water to still his thirst. He would be rewarded abundantly for his patience. All she had to do now was getting to the pond, rinse herself free of the smell and hide the soiled dress. It had all been so easy, it must have been meant to happen just like it had. Nothing was really her doing, was it? She was just a tool, doing something that should have been done a long long time ago. And the coolness of the pond at Emma's would be her reward for a job well done.

 

Placing a glass filled with lemonade in front of Teaspoon she listened in to the sounds of Kid walking into the parlor, a mumble as he almost tripped over Tessa's outstretched legs.

"Tessa? Shouldn't ya be in bed?"

Mumbles from her little sister.

"Com'on, you can't sleep like this. You'll be all achy in the mornin'."

Scuffles were heard and more of Tessa's sleepy mumbles followed.

"Yeah, ev'rythin' is just fine, Tess. Miah's taking care of the horses and Teaspoon's back too. Lou's right outside, in the kitchen. Get some sleep. I'm just checkin' on my girls. See ya in the mornin'." Kid's low voice sounded calming.

Lou smiled when Tessa sighed contentedly, her little sister wasn't even coherent enough to fight Kid, she must just have stumbled into her bed and gone out like a light. Lou prayed Kid wouldn't wake Emma up, because if he did, he would have to be the one getting her back to sleep, trail dust or no.

Turning back to Teaspoon she caught his grin and frowned. Smirking she to went to get the casserole out of the oven and prepare the bread. Teaspoon chuckled at the face she made.

"Better now Louise?"

"I've been fine all along," she declared, putting the coffeepot on the pad and seating herself across their adopted father."I just hope he don't wake Emma up, coz if he does..." Steps from behind her had her turn to the approaching husband, tapping the seat besides her to have him sit down.

"Good to have you home, son." Teaspoon grinned and attacked the content of the plate in front of him.

Lou smiled involuntary at the subtle teasing and looked to the man at her side. He was practically covered in trail dust, only the hands and face she had forced him to wash bore any resemblance of the man she had sent away. The rest of him was covered in a thin sheen of dirt. Watching him gulp the casserole down, she shook her head at the sight. "Did you have to bring all that sand 'ere Kid? I mean it's not like we don't have enough of it already."

"If I were you, Lou, I'd take 'im to the pond and throw him in," Teaspoon growled, pouring himself a healthy dose of the black freshly brewed coffee. "Coz' I don't figure there to be 'nough water around the homestead to get this one cleaned up."

Lou giggled.

Kid threw the man opposite him a weary smirk.

"I'll go fetch some clean clothes and a towel Kid, Teaspoon's right, you do look dreadful."

"Get that rosy soap, Lou, you're gonna need it! He reeks!"

"Thanks Teaspoon," Kid scowled as Lou ran up the stairs, laughing softly.

 

The night seemed unusually still as she led her horse to the water, letting him drink before walking him back and tying him up to some trees, emptying her pockets with the coins into her saddlebags, not even bothering to count. She had done that over and over, waiting for it to get dark.

She walked back to the pond, having left her horse a good hundred yards away from the water, just in case. Her gun resting in her hand all the time, but there was not a sound. Only crickets and the night-birds Shedding her soiled dress she took the time to cover it with some dried grass and threw a couple of loose stones on top of it. Trying to make it invisible. But it was hard out here in the darkness. She doubted anyone would get to this side of the pond anyhow, the grass seemed untouched on this side, the rocks making the water not as easily accessed as it was from the other side. She remembered it clearly, they had always jumped in from the opposite side, where there was a sandy slope. Hesitating for just a moment she let her gun rest on the bundle of clothes covered by the towel. She'd have to take a chance, she'd be in and out in less than five minutes. There's was no other way, she'd have to let go and become totally vulnerable for a brief moment. But it would be worth it.

With a contented sigh she slid down into the cool of the water, diving into the freshness. Reemerging she looked up into the sky and let her weary body float. Her aching muscles relaxing, the weight of her body lessened. The dim stars above seeming closer. The sense of total freedom was almost intoxicating.


	13. Chapter 13

He woke with a start, wide awake in one heartbeat. His wife wasn't in bed. He was - and he didn't even remember how he had gotten there. Last thing he actually remembered was sitting by the kitchen table, Dawn nagging him about getting into bed. His were eyes nearly closing by themselves, the relentless anxiety screaming at him to stay alert, keep an eye out, not to sleep, never to sleep. But obviously he had.

He turned to light the kerosene lamp on the nightstand. The curtain fluttered, moving in the wind, the breeze reaching his sweaty forehead as the light filled the room, revealing every detail as he rose and automatically glanced over to the cot by the drawer. His body totally alert, as ever when he felt impending danger. At the sound of steps in the adjoining kitchen he swirled to the door, heartbeat rising, hands tensed as he reached for the doorknob. With a glance over his shoulder he watched his daughter sleeping peacefully, one arm around the ragdoll, thumb in her mouth. Feet sticking out from under the sheet twirled around her. The dog sleeping on a blanket at the end of the cot, the eyes sleepily peering at him. Obviously wondering about the sudden commotion. Blinking, the puppy sighed before falling flat on its side, sound asleep again.

Buck smiled involuntary at the puppy's antics and his heartbeat settled as he turned the door knob.

"You all fine, Teaspoon? Somethin' happen?"

His wife's whispering voice reached him as he opened their bedroom door.

"Sorry to wake you Dawn," the older man replied just as silently. "But I stumbled on Kid just outside Sweetwater so I rode home with him. Brett's in charge. Didn't mean to wake ya."

He decided to make his presence known at this point. Rounding the corner he cleared his throat. "Teaspoon?"

They both turned to look at him.

"A welcomin' committee?" The older man scoffed with mocked exasperation, curving the kitchen table to get to the spare room. His tiredness making his limp more prominent

"Lately Buck's been sleepin' with one eye open. It's creepy, I'm tellin' ya." Dawn muttered, following behind Teaspoon."You ate?" Her eyes all the time on Buck, a reprimand in them.

"Yup, Lou warmed the casserole, they're off to the pond, Kid looked like he had been dragged behind horses all the way from Ft. Laramie."

"He alright?" Buck asked.

"Just dirty," Teaspoon told them through the diminishing crack of the door he was closing behind him. "Go back to bed you two. And Buck, please, no snoring."

Dawn giggled and poked Buck in the side; "walk on man!" Her small hand gripped his wrist decisively.

He shook his head and followed her into their bedroom. Watching as she walked up to the cot and peeked in over the brim.. Tenderly covering the small feet with the wrinkled sheet, caressing the sleeping child's cheek lightly before she turned back to him and smiled. The radiant smile was so filled with happiness that his heart roared, echoing her unspoken sentiment. Wishing that smile would never be dimmed, hoping he would be able to keep her, all of them, as content and trusting as Dawn's smile. That light in his wife's eyes was something he cherished more than anything else. More than he was able to comprehend..

Dawn bowed over the kerosene lamp and blew it out before she sank to sit on the bed. Sighing while removing her boots.

"You alright?" Buck asked, pulled back from his reveries. Being five months pregnant in this heat had to wear her down something fierce. "Why don't you let Lou and Rachel do the cookin' and stay off your feet, I...."

"Why don't you put that head on the pillow and get some sleep? It's still early, you ain't slept for more than an hour yet." Curling up on the bed she watched him..

"Yes," Buck admitted, laying down at her side, searching for her hand. "And in that time you disappeared."

"Disappeared?" Dawn snorted, "I had to go to the outhouse. What? I need protection for that too nowadays?"

Buck eased himself closer to her, sliding his arm under her neck and echoed her sigh. He had long ago found out that denying having done anything or oven thought about doing it was the best course of action when Dawn was in a certain mood.

"An' Buck..."

"Uh huh?"

"I will put somethin' in your food to make you sleep if you don't follow your own advice and shut those eyes, like now!"

"Yes, ma'am," Buck replied and kissed her sweaty brow. She turned and curled up to him, her back against him, a content sigh escaping her as she buried her face into the linen. He let his arm rest around her, placing his hand on the rounded belly. Staying absolutely still, wondering how long this peace would last. He just knew it, something in the air hovering over them, something bad lurking. There was kind of a tension, a nervousness in the air. He should be happy, really happy. There was no indication of danger, no real danger. And still, he felt the tension rising in town, the rumors, the edginess. It would take very little to make it explode. It was like they all searched for somebody to blame, they all needed somebody to pour their hatred onto. Somebody had to pay for what had happened and the misfortunes. Most of all for the torrid days that tested their patience. And he knew that it wouldn't take much for the townsfolk to turn on them. When they found out they had sold horses to the Army, they, not the Witfell's, a perfectly normal family. They had; a deserter and an Injun, it might be hell to pay. He knew it, he had seen it happen before. And there was nothing he could do about it. He just had to keep walking that thin line, forever not knowing where he belonged. And now he was bringing children into it too? He was really being a fool, wasn't he? He was fooling himself that he could lead a normal life. It should have been you Ike, you should have had all this! You would have handled it just fine, me on the other hand - am falling apart.

Dawn moved and he buried his face in her hair, afraid he'd lose her, just like he lost Ike, his mother, always the ones he held dearest. Afraid someone would take Dawn away from him. Her, Blossom and the unborn child. All that he held sacred, more so than any other thing in this world. He had never had this kind of joy before in his life and he suddenly realized how plenty he had to lose. For a moment he wished he hadn't taken this road, that he hadn't brought children into the world or taken Dawn away from her family. And still, he just couldn't imagine his life without them. Deep inside he felt guilty for his good fortune, guilty for the good life he lead in comparison to his Kiowa family. Guilty for leaving Red Bear to fight a losing battle. What would he have to pay for being this lucky?

He wished he had the white God to pray to, he wished he had any gods to pray too. Because out there in the night there was something evil.

 

 

She noticed the light before she heard a sound. It was a mere glimmer through the tree stems, waving, like it was floating. Holding her breath she listened intently. Her legs in the oversized pants shivering slightly, the cloth scraping her still damp skin. Her new outfit smelled of the same old perfume, so maladapted to the coarse fabric and the flannel shirt. The sensation of the horrid man's clothes on her recently purified body made her nauseous.

The light kept coming closer. Then she heard the voices, a female and a male voice seeping through to her. She couldn't make out the words yet but the woman was laughing. He male voice deep as he chuckled in response. A short shriek in astonished joy and rustling of leafs. "Let me down!" The female voice filled with laughter, close enough now to be heard. She took the gun into her hand, feeling comforted by its weight.

"No way, Lou, you're gonna pay for that!"

Another squeal of laughter cut the through the stillness of the night, birds lifting off branches and flying away. An owl wooing far away, the crickets answering, their song getting louder. She felt paralyzed to her spot. Her hand held the gun firmly, but the darkness was her enemy right now. The former ally was turning against her. The lantern illuminated the couple poorly and they were walking briskly. Holding her breath she waited, knowing that if the horse made noises she'd have to shoot.

They stopped and the man let the woman down to her feet, placing the lantern on a rock. It lit up the surroundings, reflecting off the surface of the water, blinding her with the its brightness. Capturing her gaze with its intensity.

"You are a dirty old man, Kid," the woman laughed.

"I thought that's why we're at the pond?" The man leaned in, catching the woman's eyes and she draped her arms around his neck. Whispering something to him that had him laugh and recoil. When she sat down on the slope to remove her boots her face was clearly illuminated by the light from the lantern.

The recognition of the woman served to peak her interest. She held her eyes firmly on the two shedding their clothes at the bank. The gun in her hand shivered slightly and her anxiousness had her lean up against the rock in front of her. She feared they would actually hear her rapidly beating heart.

But they seemed unconcerned about their surroundings. The splashed water, the laughing and giggling spoke of total immersion in each other. The woman tickling the man, having him lose his footing and fall into the water. Louise McCloud laughed even harder as he reemerged, spitting water and taking her into his lap, pulling her further into the pond..

Their playfulness had her close her eyes and the gun sank. That could have been her, it should have been her. Why was it Louise had the right to be this happy? Had she ever seen hard times? Their happiness as they stood in the water, arms draped around each other, playing like children only served to emphasize her own situation. The loneliness, the fear and the anger. She wanted out of here, she didn't need reminders of what she had lost. Clamming her eyes shut she tried to close them out. But their voices carried through;

"You have trail dust behind your ears, Kid!"

"I hope you didn't bring that rosy soap? Please tell me ya didn't!"

"Only thing that works on dirty old men is saddle soap."

The man laughed; "As long as it ain't those awful pine soaps Dawn makes!"

"Thank you, now I know what to bring next...."

Husky laughter and splashes of water; "You're ticklin' me."

"Poor baby," the woman cooing, "better like this?"

"Lou."

"Yeah?"

For a moment there was absolute silence and she opened her eyes to assess the situation, fearing for a moment they had spotted her. She could only see their silhouettes pressed together. And she suddenly knew where all this was leading and she almost blushed at the thought. And yet oddly enough, she couldn't take her eyes off them. They were so young, so in love and so innocent in their ways. Like nothing bad would ever happen to them, like the world was theirs. This pond was their and even this night. They were alone in the world, not shedding one thought on anybody else in this moment. She had been like that, until it all came crumbling down.

"We're gonna get dirty all over," the woman purred.

"Plenty o'water around," the man replied huskily as he started to walk to the bank with the woman in his lap. Silenced by her kiss.

She turned her head then, turned her gaze away and rested her cheek on the slowly cooling rock. And she remembered. She remembered the husband she loved, their days together, so few in hindsight. Did Lou and the man realize how short happiness can be, as short as a breath. It might be gone in the beat of a heart? Never to come back again. It would slip through your fingers and you were unable to do anything but watch it disappear. His face when he held her, clutching her close, whispering to her. His calloused hands caressing her cheek when she buried her fingers into his hair and pulled his face closer to hers. That closeness and the promises. The only time she had been loved and loving back with her whole heart. The children they had made. Those precious little things that she promised to guard with her life. But they had been taken away from her, together with her life. And she was left alone, sitting behind a rock in the darkness. Listening to other people's bliss. And it was so wrong.

She let the gun rest up against her leg, it was heavy and her hand twitched nervously. She needed to make Louise see, she needed her to understand. To live the loneliness just like she did. Wasn't that why she found herself here right now? Hadn't she been lead here to see that Louise needed a lesson? Wasn't that why she was here in Sweetwater, to make the town pay for her fate. Lou would pay and so would the man holding her in his arms. She wouldn't be the only one paying, she had been chastised enough. She had been paying for years for those brief moments of happiness, those fleeing moments she hadn't been able to relish back then. She'd make them all see.

Her tears wet the rock under her cheek.

 

Lou buried her face in the crook of Kid's neck, smiling. Listening to the heart beating rapidly against her own. And she was happy, immensely happy. For a moment she had managed to push everything aside, the crop dying, the relentless heat and the fires. Lost friends and insecurities. Everything had vanished for the moment. All that existed was now, right this moment, cuddling up to Kid, his breath evening out with hers. Her content erasing everything, making her sleepy. If she closed her eyes now she'd sleep in peace for the first time in over a week. And this was not the right place. Lifting her face she gazed down at him; "we gotta get goin' before they come lookin' for us Kid!"

His hand came up to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. Smiling softly he nodded his agreement.

"Now, Kid!" she ordered and planted a kiss on his lips. "We must've been away for over an hour already!"

"You've got sand in your hair."

"And who put it there?" Grabbing his hand she pulled him up to his feet, "let's get this dust off and head back home." Dragging him to the water she pushed him in, splashing water on him. "You still got dirt behind your ears, Kid!"

"Yeah, thanks to you!" He retaliated with cupping water into his hands and pouring it over her head.

"Uffa," she groaned and pushed him away. "So what you bring the girls?"

"The girls?" he asked, lathering his face with the soap; "what girls?" Looking at her with confusion while placing the soap back at her reach.

"Kid!" She jerked her eyes in his direction just to see him dive under the water. Would he really forget to bring the girls something? And she had promised them both he'd bring something. When he reemerged she turned to glare at him. "Kid?"

"I got somethin'," he leered at her, amused. Grabbing her hand he pulled her out of the water and picked the towel up from the ground.

Anxiously she awaited for him to speak while she dried herself off on the towel. He waited for her to finish, stranding still in front of her, water dripping off him. "Well what?" She asked, boxing him playfully, giving him the towel. "Just tell me!"

"It's a surprise," he grinned.

"Kid," she groaned, reaching for her dress."I'm just trying to avoid another disaster here! It is exactly the same is it? Not like last time they fought over those marbles for an entire day. Please tell me you thought about that!"

"I learn," Kid chuckled and jumped on one leg to get his pants on.

"So what is it?" she demanded when she got her cotton dress on. Bowing to get her boots. Of course he didn't answer, he was enjoying teasing her far too much. A strand of wet her irritated her, snuggling around her neck and tickling her. Watching him struggle to get into his clothes, she frowned.

"Why don't you just ask what ya really wanna ask?" Kid peered under his brow at her, buttoning his shirt.

Lou smirked at him, annoyed. "That is what I really wanna ..."

Kid took a step up and stopped right before her, laying his arms around her waist. "I got Miah and Tessa a dime novel each. Blossom and Emma will get two identical ribbons, red ones." His mouth was twitching and she wanted to pinch him. Mad at him for not telling. Peering up at him she waited, but he just stood there, teasing her.

"And?" She had to give in or they'd be standing here forever.

"And?" Kid repeated, holding back laughter.

"And me Kid? Me! Your dear beloved wife!" Swatting his upper arm she pouted.

"I got you a lollipop," Kid chuckled.

Appalled she withdrew from him, staring at him wide-eyed, that was so not what she had asked for. "A lollipop? What?"

"A really big one," he laughed, lifting her off her feet, leveling her eyes with his. "And the second part of the Prince Charming story you and Dawn are dyin' to read. But that one's gonna cost you." Resting his forehead on hers he tried to look stern.

"You got it!" Lou squealed and threw her arms around his neck as he let her down."I knew I could count on ya!"

"That's why I'm so late, the shipment was late and I had to fight all those womenfolk to have a copy. I tell you, the man behind the counter was eyeing me real strange when I asked for it."

She laughed and hugged him close: "Oh God Kid, I love you so much." She felt him smile and hugged him even closer, not even needing to hear him say it. Knowing it all the same, because he was here and he had done what she asked him. He always did, and that was enough for her. "We have to get goin' Kid," she told him with a last squeeze around his neck.

"That Prince callin', huh?" Kid teased while gathering their scattered dirty clothes into the towel. Rolling them up into a tight ball and sticking it under his arm. "So what's this man got that I ain't?"

Taking the bundle from him she pouted; "He's an English Lord and his name is Drake and he is so in love with a woman he can't ever have."

Kid took the lantern and snuck his free arm around her waist. "Drake?" He looked at her, arching his eyebrow mockingly.

"Speaking of names, Kid..."

He planted a kiss on her lips and started walking. And she laughed - she had the ammunition to silence him on every occasion. She giggled when he grunted, knowing he was beat. The gravel under their feet and Kid's soft breaths accompanied with the song of the crickets were the only sounds in the still night. She glanced up at him, smiling. Perfectly happy at this moment in life.


	14. Chapter 14

Dawn was just about to break when he hitched Rebel to the buckboard. This new daily routine of theirs was tedious. Getting the water from the swimming hole instead of the pump on the yard made their morning routines far more time consuming than before. Now they had to drive out to the pond, fill the buckets and drive back over the bumpy trail to fill the troughs.. If he was unlucky and hit rocks on the way home he might have to make the trip twice. Even Rebel looked annoyed

Glancing up to the brightening sky, Buck realized that the day would be just as hot as the previous. And each day brought them closer to losing everything. The crop was dying and they would never get a loan from the bank to buy feed for their horses, they had already missed one payment because nobody was buying their stock right now, they simply couldn't afford getting horses. Only the Army had the means and he hated selling the Army horses. He knew too well what they were used for, fighting his kin. But they had no real alternatives, it was either sell to whomever or give up and let the Sweetwater Bank have what they had fought for years to build.

He sighed again and seated himself on the buckboard, the puppy sitting on its haunches looking up at him. Wiggling its tail as it sat on the ground, looking absolutely ridiculous.

"Ya wanna come with?" Buck smiled.

The puppy scrambled to its paws and the entire body wiggled. Buck smiled and admonished himself for talking to a dog. Dawn had rubbed off on him something awful. The dog wasn't supposed to be a pet, he had brought it home with the intention to make him a watch dog of kinds . Someone to keep an eye on the homestead and the horses.

The puppy tried to jump onto the buckboard but failed. Buck stepped down and took it into his lap, feeling guilty for his soft heart. And more than a little ridiculous. If Dawn happened to catch him now he'd have nothing to tease her about spoiling the puppy rotten. Of course, of what he'd already seen this watchdog in the possible makings was a waste of time and effort. This dog was a softy, thanks to his wife. Grinning he flicked the reins to let Rebel know he was ready. The horse already knew the route and obliged, turning towards the pond.

The puppy in his lap looked around as if it was discovering a brand new world. Sitting safely tucked in his hold, the small trunk shivering slightly.

"You're not a very brave one ar'ya?" Buck smiled down at the pup. The pup turned its adoring eyes to Buck's and licked him across the nose in pure joy.

"Hey Dog!" Buck wiped his nose, slightly disgusted by the showed appreciation. The pup didn't mind but leaned onto him, the small trunk shivering in anticipation as it watched the birds fly up to the sky while the buckboard moved over the now frequently traveled dirt road.

"You know what Dog? You have no idea how lucky you are havin' my wife takin' care of you. But let's get one thing straight, huh, that hotcake you stole yesterday, that one was mine and I ain't forgettin' what you did. Do it once more and you sleep in the barn, not curled up on our best quilt or on the feet of my wife, get it?"

Looking at the puppy in his lap he sighed; "Who am I kiddin', I'll probably be sleepin' in the barn instead of you, won't I?"

Dog wriggled his tail furiously, agreeing completely.

"You're pure trouble, ain't ya?" Buck muttered, glaring at the 'oh so innocent' creature that was able to pull off all kinds of tricks and get adored all the same. Then he had to chuckle; "an' I'm talking to a dog!".

 

"Kid!" Irritated she hollered for her husband, while straightening out Emma's disheveled hair with her fingers. The girl was eager to get to her Pa and tell him all the news.

A mumble was heard from inside the bedroom and Emma giggled. Lou sighed and told her daughter to get her lazy father out of bed and down to get some food. Watching her troublemaker twitter when she ran into the room and crawled up on the bed, she smiled smugly.

The exuberant girl wrapped her arms around her Dad's neck and started her litany: "Pa lemembe' Missis Kittick an' da kittens? Da yella one's geddin' big now, Missis Kittick telled me he needs a new 'ome now and he's so so so pletty 'ith 'ose big green eyes, Pa! An' he luvs to play 'ith me Pa, he goes 'alound 'an' alound afta da sling Missis Kittick gave me. He's so funny Pa, I asked Missis Kittick wha'his name is an' she telled me to name 'im - ya know wha' name I telled her I like most Pa? I telled 'er Yella, coz' he's sorta yella in colo' like ya know?" The words stumbled over each other, all eager to get out first. The voice excited and bursting of energy, full of all the wonderful things that had occurred and that her poor Pa had missed.

Kid chuckled; " Now hold on Pumpkin, who told you what?"

"You listenin' Da? I te - told you, Missis Kittick did! Did ya bringed me somethin' Pa? Can we go ged Yella Pa? All he needs s'a bowel of milk in da mornin' an ..."

"Missis Kittridge told you how to take care of him, did she?"

"Yah she did, an' she said she'd keep Yella fo' me till he big enuff ta....

"Your mother sent you in here didn't she?"

"Ma says ya need to ged down fo' some breakfast, but Pa if Yella can stay 'ith us I..."

"Alright Pumpkin', lets get down for something to eat. Then we'll have to ask your Ma if we can house that cat."

Lou smiled, turning to the stairs, knowing she had pulled the right strings. Nothing worked like Emma's tirades in the morning to wake Kid up. Stifling a giggle she hurried down the stairs just as their daughter started in on the cat again. Persistently nagging her momentarily defenseless father. Trust Emma to figure out when Kid was at his weakest.

When she got halfway down the stairs the smell of the roasted rye and chicory they used for coffee had her stomach make a strange turn. Stumbling down the last steps with her thumb and index finger clasping her nostrils shut to avoid the nauseating smell, she was met by Rachel's raised eyebrows.

"Hate that smell," Lou winced, "let me guess, no actual coffee left?"

Rachel smiled wryly. "Naw, I do this only to torment ya, Lou."

"Sorry Rachel," Lou peered up at her volunteering housekeeper, "it's just this heat an' everythin' just gets at me."

"Uh huh," Rachel smiled as she put the mugs on the table. "I bet."

Lou fled into the den to get the others up and functioning.

 

 

When the buckets were filled with water he had sweat trickling down his back and dropping off his brow. Today seemed worse than ever, it was hard to breathe, uncomfortable to move and darned near unbearable to even lift a finger. To top it off he had lost Dog. The pup was nowhere to be seen and despite his hollering it refused to show. That brought on most of his anxiety - if he had gone and lost the puppy the womenfolk back home would have his hide and he'd probably be wandering the plains till he found the darned dog again.

Wiping his brow he walked in the direction he had last seen Dog disappear. Ears perked for any sounds as he wandered and called out for the rascal. Letting his squinted eyes roam the thick vegetation he saw nothing but then there was a faint rustle behind the rocks at the other end of the pond. Squinting his eyes further he walked over, his voice getting more stern and demanding. "Dog!"

Then a muddied wet little rag-like thing appeared at his feet, swirling around and jumping. Tongue hanging out, wet paws trampling.

"Good boy," Buck said and bowed to take the dirtball and drop him into the pond and soak the pup into a presentable shape again. But Dog was faster; with a small bark he ran away, up behind the rocks rimming the pond.

"I've had it Dog! You come back right now or I'll leave ya here!" Dog swirled around, nearly falling over his own paws and looked at Buck. Like waiting for him to follow. "Ya know Dawn's gonna ..." he paused and growled as the pup took off again; "that's where talkin' to dogs get ya!" He muttered to himself as he followed the dog that seemed to enjoy the chase.

I'll catch ya alright, I'll corner ya behind the rocks, he thought, smirking as he took up the chase.

But the sight of the Dog biting and clawing at some black cloth partly hidden under some lose rocks had him squint his eyes. "What ya got there?" he asked when he finally caught up..

 

 

She stood leaned up against the wall, in the shadow by the open door. Listening to the usual bickering between Dawn and Kid, the demonstrative sighs from Rachel and the laughter of Miah and Tessa. Her stomach still in slight upheaval as she tried to will it to settle. Drawing deep breaths, she felt the nausea slowly ease off. .

"You alright Lou?" Kid's voice was so close to her ear that she jumped as he reached out to nudge her arm.

"Fine," she smiled, turning to him and nodding reassuringly. "Just enjoin' the beatin' you're taking."

Kid grinned and stepped aside as she pinched him tenderly in the middle and pushed past him to walk inside. This time only slightly smirking at the hideous smell while watching the scene before her with amusement. Dawn trying to get the ribbon to stay in Blossom's hair, totally concentrated on the task while Emma jumped around at her side, holding her own ribbon tighty, impatiently waiting for her turn. Rachel at the stove, frying eggs for the bunch at the table; Miah and Tessa squabbling silently. Tessa teasing their brother about his interest in a particular girl. Miah clattering with the fork against the plate, looking ill-at-ease.

"How long will it take for Buck to get back you think?" Lou asked in Dawn's direction while sending warning glances over at Tessa, wishing she wasn't quite as hard on their brother.

Dawn looked up from tying the red ribbon in Emma's braided hair and shrugged her shoulders.

"I'm starving," Miah protested, "can't we just...."

"You're always starvin'," Tessa groaned desperately, "we wait for Buck! Right, Dawn?"

"I don't know..." Dawn started, "you do need to...."

"Someone's comin'" Kid stated from the door, " and fast."

All their eyes flew to the still open door, catching the dust cloud approaching from the Sweetwater direction..

"Looks like Teaspoon," Kid mumbled and walked out to meet the riders.

"Who are all those others? What's up now?" Dawn asked, "Teaspoon left less than an hour ago! Did he say anything to you Miah?"

"Naw, just that he'd try and be back and check on us for lunch, nothing else," Miah shook his head as he rose from his place at the table.

"Well either his timing is totally off or somethin' has happened," Rachel stated and followed Kid out.

Lou turned to watch the men storming up on their yard, dust covering the congregation as the horses trampled nervously, stirring more dirt up. Kid gripped the reins of Teaspoon's horse and asked what was going on. Lou heard Teaspoon ask Kid if Buck was back yet. At Kid's negative reply Teaspoon turned to the man at his left and told him to ride out and look for him by the pond to begin with. At his harsh order Kid's stance changed and he turned to the Marshal, repeating his question. Getting no answer as Teaspoon dismounted and refused to even meet Kid's inquiring eyes.

"What's goin' on Teaspoon?" Kid asked again. His irritation growing at the lack of answers.

"I need to talk to your wife," Teaspoon finally replied.

Kid turned his head and looked at her with wrinkled brows.

Lou felt a shiver run down her spine at the tone of Teaspoon's voice. There was something distant in it, something cold. "Keep the kids inside will you Tess?" she asked silently and shut the door after Miah had filed out. Casting a glance at Rachel's bewildered face she walked past her, up to her husband and Teaspoon, and the deputies still on horseback, staring curiously at her.


	15. Chapter 15

He heard the sound of a horse approaching while he tried to free the cloth and see what it was all about. A voice hollered "Buck?" from a far. He recognized the voice, it belonged to Roy Marsden, the blacksmith. Lifting his hand the signaled where he was at and returned to the odd find he had made. The Dog at his side acting mighty peculiar- biting at the cloth, barking and seeming very anxious. Pushing the pup to the side he freed the cloth of most of the stones piled upon it. With a grunt he pulled hard and the whole piece of cloth finally came loose and unfolded itself before his eyes.

Momentarily stunned he watched what he was holding; a dress that had been black at some instance, but now it was grayish with dust and the smell of it was nauseating. Turning the piece he observed spots around the collar where dirt stuck to it in a peculiar manner. Like something had spilled onto it. Rubbing his fingers over the dirt he felt the dirt come off and the stench increased. He knew what it was now, it was unmistakable, blood. Dried blood.

The horse had stopped now and he knew that the blacksmith was right behind him. But he was too preoccupied with what he had found to engage in idle chit chat. Someone had been on their lot, left behind women's clothing soiled with blood. Was there a corpse around here somewhere too?

He turned and was met by the clicking of a gun. Lifting his gaze he saw the pallor on Roy Marsden's face. The hand shivering slightly as he spoke; "Mister Cross, you better not make any sudden moves."

In that instance Buck realized what all this looked like. Here he stood, holding a dress soiled with blood in his hands. And Roy Marsden had already made up his mind, that much was obvious.

 

 

"Teaspoon?" Lou asked, "what's up? Why do you need to..."

"Louise," the man interrupted her, "you were in Sweetwater two days ago, right?"

"I was," Lou admitted, looking in Kid's direction, trying to gauge what it was all about.

"There were people watchin' you chase Meredith Vonkel into her quarters, is that right?"

Lou blushed, she had made quite a spectacle of herself, she knew that. But that it would become such an issue she had no idea. "She said things about Kid and Buck, Teaspoon! I tried to talk to her but..."

A buggy rolled into their yard. Mr. Tennison at the reins, looking hesitantly at them. Lou stared at the bank-clerk, more bewildered than ever. She knew him too, she knew most of these men. She had never done anything to either of the men now ogling her like she was a demon.

"The eyewitness is here, Marshal!" One of the men said, "let's just have him take a look and get on with it!!

"Alright Teaspoon," Kid butted in, stepping up to stand behind Lou, "since when do you run Meredith's errands? If she has somethin' to tell Lou, why ain't she here to speak for herself?"

"Because she can't." The man with the star pinned to his front pocket on the horse spat.

Lou looked up at him, like seeing Tom Moring for the first time in her life. He was a man she'd seen on several occasion, the father of three grown sons and a daughter of twelve. One of the ordinary citizens of Sweetwater, a man with a small livestock farm, occasionally working at the mill. Now she was looking into steely gray eyes looking scornfully at her. She turned her face to Teaspoon, searching for further explanation, while her hands started trembling at the stern gaze the Marshal bestowed her. "Teaspoon?" She took a step backwards, stumbling into Kid, dread filling her.

"What'ya mean she can't?" Kid asked besides her, his arms automatically coming around her waist.

"Because she was found murdered this morning. It's payday and the girls missed her and went lookin'. They found her stone cold." Teaspoon's statement fell like a bile.

Kid arms tightened around Lou, steadying her, his body tensing immediately as he met Teaspoon's eyes and the implications finally dawned upon him."So what's Lou got to do with it?" Kid asked.

"We found this on the table," Teaspoon replied, pulling up a bloodstained handkerchief from his chest pocket. In the corner of the cloth there was three letters staring at them; "LMC" - elaborately embroidered, in a green thin cotton thread. And under the C there was the mark of their Ranch , embroidered in bright red.

Lou looked up at Kid, still not quite understanding what all this had to do with her. He looked at her, his jaw clenched and his grip on her tightening further. His eyes bewildered, almost scared. Then Lou finally understood, all of it washed over her like a tide - the implications, the gravity of what Teaspoon was holding in his hand.

Her handkerchief, soiled with a murdered woman's blood.

 

 

"Roy," Buck started, watching the drawn face of the man on the horse. "What are you doin'?" Roy Marsden's face was pale and drawn, his lips a thin line, the hand shivering as it clutched the cocked gun. For a moment Buck feared he'd accidentally pull the trigger. "Roy," he repeated, trying to calm the man. He didn't understand this reaction, he wasn't even armed, all he had was a knife. That was no match for a man with a gun. He certainly posed to threat at the moment.

"Start walkin'," the blacksmith let out nervously, "just start walking!" The gun making an impatient tiny half-circle in the air, "you just walk in front of me, all the way back and don't even think about doin' anything.. I'll shoot, don't ever doubt that."

"The horses need water Roy," Buck explained, "let me drive the buckboard home. I need to show what I found to Teaspoon." He extended his hand to show the man the dress he was still holding.

The gun sank momentarily. Buck eyes followed the movement and in that instance he realized Roy hadn't come to visit, the man was there on a mission. He was a suspect, and he had just dug his own grave a tad deeper. He momentarily closed his eyes and let the hand holding the cloth sink back to his side as the barrel was lifted again. Buck knew he was already doomed.

"You're not fooling me," Roy Marsden spoke, "don't play innocent with me. I'm not a fool. Take the wagon and drive it home. I'll be at your side every step of the way. One move and you'll be dead."

Dog curled up on Buck's left moccasin, scared by the hard voice and the towering shadow in front of them. Buck looked down at the pup, having forgotten it completely. He felt guilty.

"Take the damned dog and get movin'! Bring that dress with ya!" Marsden scowled.

Buck picked the pup with his free arm and did exactly as told.

 

 

"What ya mean 'proof'?" Dawn's eyes spit fire in the men's direction, "proof of what?" Glaring at the men gathered around them she swung to Teaspoon, making him take a step back. "That there proves nothing, I made those handkerchiefs, might just as well be me you should arrest! Ever thought about that? I was there, right along side with Lou, I saw it all happen. And I can guarantee Lou didn't touch that woman!"

"Dawn," Rachel warned, seeing the interest spark to life in the eyes of O'Donally, the owner of the ranch outside Sweetwater. The one whose children were particularly hateful against whomever didn't have the right kind of blood running in their veins. Rachel knew where those children had learned their ways. He was right in front of her, proud of his pure white heredity. Calling himself civilized. His eyes taking in the woman ranting, a mocking cruel smile on his lips.

"Shut up Rachel!" Dawn snarled. "Ya better come up up something better, this ain't nothing. It's a handkerchief, a piece of cloth that me, Buck, Lou and Kid, the kids, hell even Rachel and half a dozen more people could have taken into town and dropped. This is nothing and you all know it!" She was screaming the last words, angrier than anyone had ever seen her before.

Lou watched her, amazed at the anger she was capable of expressing. Clutched in Kid's hold she herself felt oddly empty, like this whole display had nothing to do with any of them. Teaspoon couldn't really think any of them had anything to do with it, now could he? He was their friend, he knew them all for years. He was the father they all looked up to, the man they asked advice of, the man that had watched them struggle and grow into what they were. Was he suspecting them? Was he suspecting her? Tears sprang to her eyes as she looked up into her husband's face. A face that was tense and hard, doubtful and shocked all at once.

"I didn't do anything," she said. "I didn't do it!"

"Shhh," Kid mumbled, rocking her like she were a child. "I know you didn't Lou, just tell me what happened."

Meeting with his eyes she felt confidence. Enough to tell the tale of that day. The day she really had wanted to lay her hands around Meredith Vonkel's neck and squeeze. But she hadn't. "I was in the store, Dawn and the kids were outside with the vicar's wife. When I came in Meredith was there with the girls. They were talking so I just walked past them and waited since there was nobody else in there. The storekeep was in the back room, I heard voices but I didn't wanna intrude. So I just waited and then I heard it Kid, I heard what they were sayin'. They were talking about Buck and Dawn, calling them Injuns. They said plenty of things, Kid. Hateful things. And they were talking about you too."

Kid stroke the hair out of her face, nodding at her to continue.

"They said you'd gone off, that you were too chicken to fight in the war...." Tears of mortification and anger were rolling down her cheeks and she angrily wiped them away. Hating herself for crying. "I wanted to ask them why they were sayin' those things Kid, I wanted them to tell it to my face so I'd be able to defend myself. But they didn't, instead they ran. And I ran after them. I didn't get to them thou', the stagecoach got in between. When I finally got to the Saloon, Meredith was already inside. Refusing to open althou' I banged at the door. Then Dawn dragged me away from there. We still needed to get the goods and Miah had returned. So I just dropped it and went back to the store. That's all I did. I didn't do anything else!"

"It's alright Lou, I know you didn't, we'll just have to find out who did," Kid spoke just as the buckboard rolled towards them from behind the barn.

"Buck?" Dawn drew a shaky breath of air, "why's....." Her voice trailed off and her face paled. .

Lou turned her head in the direction, inhaling shakily at the sight that met her eyes. Buck was sitting at the reins, Roy Marsden at his side, his gun pointing at their friend and companion.

Dawn gripped Rachel's arm and winced.

 

 

First thing he saw when the buckboard rounded the corner was his wife's white face. She stood there, holding on to Rachel's arm. Eyes wide in fear, taking in the picture. Roy riding at his side, the gun pointing at his head. He couldn't take his eyes off her, she seemed so scared and he wanted to throw himself off the wagon and run to her. Take her into his arms and hold her tight. Stroke her hair and tell her everything would be alright. This was all some kind of ridiculous mistake that would be cleared out. After all, Teaspoon was there, he'd clear everything out.

Roy Marsden hollered; "I've found the killer! I have proof!"

Buck turned his eyes to the man, the words not quite penetrating into his mind. He wondered what the proof was, who the victim was and why he had been dragged from his work to....

The man at his side barked an order, breaking Buck's reveries. Telling him to stop the wagon and climb out. Buck obliged, not wanting to cause a scene. Stepping away from the buckboard, leaving Roy Marsden room to walk over and grip the dress. He held it up for everyone to see, like it was a trophy. Teaspoon started walking towards him. When Kid let go off Lou and took a step in the same direction one of the men on horseback rode up in front of him and cocked his gun. Buck watched Kid stare into the barrel.

"Which one is it Tennison?" One of the men barked.

"I'm not sure," the young man by the buggy stammered." I told you I just saw her briefly. That dress looks the same thou, but it was dark. I told you I'm not sure..."

"Which one!" Tom Moring barked.

"The woman is too small, what I saw was not her, it must have been Bu...the man." Young Tennyson was shaken, his hand clutching at the reins of the horse in front of the buggy. Intimidated he held his eyes on the hard-packed dirt under his feet..

Buck looked at Tom Moring, waiting for further explanations. Who were the two talking about?

Then Teaspoon appeared at his side, never really looking at him. Instead he conferred with Roy Marsden in a low voice. Buck was only able to pick up a few words of the conversation. Words like "diggin'", "pond", "Meredith" and "hide". Then a brawl was heard from the group of men surrounding his family. Kid scowled at the man in front of him, pushing at the horse to get it out of his way. Receiving a curse and a kick to his ribs. Teaspoon fired a shot in the air, hollering at them to stay put. The one with the gun pointing to Kid's head, yelped and kicked as Kid lost his temper and reached up to yank hard at his collar. Nearly succeeding in pulling him off the horse. Lou screamed and next he saw Kid flying backwards, falling to his back in the dirt. Now three guns were pointing at him and Lou pleaded for him not to move.

Buck looked at Teaspoon, not understanding why he didn't intervene. Why didn't he stop all this? Why was he still standing there, gun still pointed to the air, watching the men holding their cocked guns on his friend and his family. Why didn't he tell them to holster their guns?

He remain silent while Teaspoon told Roy to stay behind and get the men out of here without incident. He'd take the buggy and escort the prisoner to jail, they'd sort it out in a calmer fashion.

At his words Buck's blood froze. So he was Teaspoon's prisoner? For a moment the surroundings swayed before his eyes. Their friend, their children's grandfather, was taking him to jail. And never did anyone of them bother to tell him why.

When Marsden rode up to the men with their guns pointing at Kid, Teaspoon finally turned to him. "We have to get you outta here, Buck," he said tersely. "Just trust me and play along." His voice was barely audible, and for the first time he met with Buck's eyes. And the tension and fear in the old weathered Marshal's eyes had Buck silent. He was silent while Teaspoon put the handcuffs around his wrists. He never uttered a word while he pulled him to the buggy and forced him up on it.

Not before Teaspoon took the reins and turned the horse back to Sweetwater did he open his mouth and speak. But it wasn't an accusation that came out, it wasn't a question or a protest. It was a plea; "Take care of my family Teaspoon, whatever happens to me, take care of them." Turning his head to look at the homestead he searched for Dawn. She was standing there, their eyes meeting over the distance. Rachel's arms around her, holding her struggling form firmly. He held her gaze until the buggy turned the corner and his family and wife were no longer to be seen. Then he heard the call of his name, a call that he knew would haunt him forever. A call like a child left alone in the world, a call of desperation and desolation. A call from somebody that felt like drowning. A call that sent the pain in it echoing in his entire soul and body, a call that gripped his heart with such force that his breath momentarily faltered.

When he turned back he saw the tears in Teaspoon's eyes before the man blinked them away and shook his head. Never looking at him, the prisoner, he spoke silently; "We'll get outta this, son. Someway or the other, we will."

Buck turned his face and looked over the plains. Knowing he was a handcuffed Kiowa, suspected of murder, in the white man's world. And back there was his wife, his daughter and an unborn child he wondered if he'd ever see. The dread that he had felt hovering over the plains, had finally landed.


	16. Chapter 16

She remain like petrified, watching the men hold guns at her husband who growled and tried to get to his feet. When they swung their horses around and kicked them into a fast canter, showering them with dirt and laughing mockingly, she snapped. The rage she felt invade her had her run after the men, find a rock at her feet and hurl it at the fleeing group. Hollering at them to get off her land and never dare come back here again. A shot was fired and dust showered her again, but nothing could have stopped her. She wanted to lay her hands on the men and strangle them, kick them and spit on them. They would pay, she'd make them pay! Hands grabbed her and she stumbled while watching the men turn the corner and disappear, leaving a cloud of dust behind them. Fighting the grip around her hips she held her eyes firmly in the direction they had taken, realizing they were headed for the pond, their pond. Hissing she fought to get lose of the hold, stumbling and falling to her knees she crawled onwards, to get a horse, to ride after them, to make them pay.

"Dammit Lou! You ain't even armed, they're gonna kill ya!" Kid's voice was harsh, his breath labored as he fought to get a grip on her.

"They have no right!" she yelled. Coughing when the stirred up dust tickled her throat she felt tears spring to her eyes as she momentarily fought for air while struggling to get onwards. Her body starting to shiver from the strain. Digging her fingers into the dirt, she crawled on; "Let me go!"

Then Kid finally got her, throwing his arms around her waist he forced her to still her movement and pulled her onto his lap. Entrapping her flailing arms in a tight hold. "No Lou, you ain't goin' nowhere, " he panted, "I won't let you get yourself killed Lou. Please, listen to me! Calm down love, you ain't goin' nowhere."

The steady grip brought her back to reality and she stopped struggling. What could she do? Kill them all? Claw their eyes out? What good would it do Buck? Her rage dissipated and she let herself be pulled into the embrace. The tremors increasing as her anger gave way to a dull blankness of mind. There was nothing she could do, nothing at all.

"You're tremblin'," Kid remarked shakily, "you hit Lou? They shot at you and you just kept goin'? Do you realize how...you might have been killed Lou, don't ever... " She felt the tension of the body holding her melt away with the words and he curled himself around her in an attempt to shield her. His hand coming up to tuck her head under his chin while he rocked her, calming himself more than her.

Burying her face in his shirt she leaned into him as the full picture of what just had happened trickled into her awareness. Teaspoon taking Buck away, accusing them of murder. The men riding in on their property like they owned it, scorning them and laughing at their helplessness. Mocking them. Sweat trickled down her entire body, burning in her eyes as it ran down her temples. Her fingers gripping Kid hard in awakening desperation. "They took Buck!"

"He'll be home soon," Kid promised, lifting her face to meet with his eyes. "Lou, I promise!"

She turned her face and looked to the verandah of their house. Rachel holding on to Dawn, a pale faced trembling Dawn. Miah watching them, bewilderment and fear written all over the lanky young man.

She turned her gaze back to meet Kid's, she wasn't so sure he'd be able to keep the promise.

Without a word Kid ran his hand through her tangled, sweaty hair and pulled her head to rest on his shoulder. "I promise," he repeated in a low trembling voice, holding her to his heaving chest.

Lou closed her eyes and wished she'd be able to believe her husband.

 

 

Sweetwater's main street was filled with curious people. They watched as the buggy rolled up and a wave-like motion washed over them as they turned to their neighbor with a comment when they saw the handcuffed Kiowa aside the Marshal. Comments and mumbles were heard in the still morning, clear through the sound of the horse and the wheels rolling over the gravel. All eyes taking in the sight of the buggy approaching, Teaspoon at the reins, a half-breed at his side, a pale young bank-clerk sitting behind them on the narrow seat.

Buck let his eyes wander over the assembly, nobody was meeting his gaze, nobody wanted to acknowledge him as the buggy passed. They grew silent, looking away, never acknowledging him, Buck Cross a neighbor. Not the Vicar's wife, in whose house he and Dawn had been served cider on several occasions. Not the storekeeper, whose bills they had paid promptly, never missing one day. Moving his eyes away from the crowd he looked at the Marshal's office, the one he himself had sat in on numerous occasions. But at those times there had been a star pinned to his shirt, now there were handcuffs around his wrists. Everything was different now; the town seemed different, the silent man at his side was different, the masses on the streets, watching him were not the ones that usually at least nodded a salute at him as he passed. There was an odd stillness, like the town was holding its breath. Like life was holding its breath. Staring at the building in front of him he wondered if that would be his last dwelling. That run-down dusty square with bars instead of windows, would that be it? The end of his road?

As the buggy stopped, he looked at the small building in front of him like he hadn't seen it before. It seemed hostile. Behind him the young man excused himself and slid down off his feet, hastening away from the buggy. Never turning around as he made his way through the crowd.

"Come on son," Teaspoon said, "we better get you inside."

Buck turned to watch the man, and something akin to hope started to take form. 'Son', Teaspoon had used the word 'son', and that little word suddenly made all the difference.

 

 

They let go of each other as there was movement on the porch. Guiltily they looked at each other and rose to their feet. Dirt covered and slightly unstable they watched Dawn finally sink to her knees on the wooden verandah. She curled up into a ball, covering her face with her hands, shivering as sobs racked her entire body. Rachel by her side, stroking her hair, mumbling to her. Dog, having taken refuge under the porch came forth, turning to the sobbing figure on the porch, creeping up to her, laying his head on the trembling knee.

Lou threw a glance at Kid's pained face and walked over, not knowing what to say or do. Wanting more than anything to do the same, cry in the face of disaster. But she couldn't, she had to stay strong and help sort this mess out.

Miah walked up to Kid and said something to which Kid merely nodded. In the corner of her eyes Lou saw Miah walk over to Rebel and take the reins. Walking by the horse's side he steered his pace to the pasture. The animals still needed water and Lou was amazed at Miah's calm and composure. He was becoming a man and Lou felt she had missed the progress. Would Buck miss his children grow into adulthood too? Shaking her head free of the dark thought she sank down at Dawn's side, embracing the shivering, sobbing form. But her heart ached.

"I'll go see to the girls," Rachel said, her voice unstable.

Kid moved to stand in front of them, looking at Lou, like asking her what to do. Lou had no idea how to handle this, she had no idea whatsoever. When your life is about to explode, when the one you love is taken away, what was there to do?

"Dawn," she started as Kid crouched down before them, lifting Dog onto his lap. "He'll be home soon, it's all a terrible mistake. We've all been arrested at some instance. Kid and Jimmy most of all. It's all been cleared up, we'll have him home soon. You gotta trust me."

"I sent the man I love to jail," Dawn let out in a half-cry.

"What?" Lou asked astonished, "Dawn, you're not makin' ..."

"It's all my fault!" Her voice pained and garbled, sounding almost hollow. "I should'a shut up! I should'a kept my mouth shut! Who am I to say anythin'? You're all whites, I'm a stinkin' Injun! Why did I think one of us would be treated as equal?" The voice was a garble of sobs and syllables, the words forced out; "I should know better! The moment I said it could be anyone of us I rigged him the gallows, I did it, the one he should ..."

"Shhhhh, Dawn, shhhh," Lou cooed, casting a desperate glance at Kid, hoping for him to be of at least some assistance.

"That's not true, Dawn, he'll be home soon. It'll be cleared up," Lou continued, keeping her voice calm and even. "He'll be home and life will go on, I promise." Tears sprang to her eyes again as she realized she was doing what Kid had done earlier. Promising something that was really out of their control. But what else could she do, what should she say?

"Dawn, " Kid finally spoke, "it might take some time, but he'll be back. I'll go talk to Teaspoon, see what he's got on him. On us. I'll check the pond, there has to be signs of who left that dress there. Somebody must have seen something, Buck'll be home, don't you worry."

Dawn raised a tear-stricken pained face and watched Kid. "Those men are at the pond Kid. They'll be riding around, erasing all the tracks. And Buck's the tracker, not you!" A pained wail escaped her, like the words she had just spoken caused her physical pain.

"You alright, Dawn?" Kid asked, turning to look at Lou. "We better get her inside Lou, it's getting hot in here and Buck will beat the living daylight outta me if somethin' happens to her."

Lou nodded and rose to help Dawn up. The woman was trembling, her legs seemed about to give in and Kid took one step up closer and steadied her into his hold. "Get the door, Lou," he mumbled. "I'll take Tessa and the girls and try to calm them down, you see to it you all get some food."

Dawn turned to look at Kid, staring at him so intently it made him uneasily step away. "What?" he finally asked.

"Will you and Lou always take care of the children Kid? Mine and Buck's too? Always, under any circumstance, keep them as yours, I know Lou will. But Kid, will you?"

Kid furrowed his brow, glancing over at Lou, just not understanding. "I don't..."

"Yes or no, Kid, that's all I need," Dawn demanded, her face crumpling up, making Kid reach out again to hold her on her feet.

"Dawn," Kid replied, "of course we will, not that I'll have to, but yes, I will. Buck's like my brother Dawn, Blossom's like my own. You know that Dawn, you must know that. I don't understand..."

She merely nodded and freed herself, cutting Kid off. Taking a deep breath she closed her eyes for a moment, collecting herself before moving to the door while drying the tears off her face.

Lou glanced over at Kid, left behind, looking at her with consternation.

 

 

The office looked different from inside the cell, he had never noticed how really small it was before. The cell held a wooden bench, made of three thick planks with huge gaps between them, a barred widow looking out on the main street. A luxury, the other cell did not even have that, it held nothing except the wooden bunk that was barely large enough to lay down on.

Teaspoon opened the door to the shack and was out of sight for a moment. Then he returned and bolted the door behind him. Dragging the stool to the cell he sat down on it and looked to the ground. "Buck, I had to do what I did, they wanted to ride out and lynch ya! When they found the corpse and that darned handkerchief they elected Tom Moring sheriff and were about to send out a posse."

"Handkerchief?" Buck asked, "I don't..."

"That's right son," Teaspoon sighed, "you don't even know about that one do you. Well the woman was found dead with a soiled handkerchief on the table. Turns out there's your sign and Lou's name embroidered on it. Ya know those ones Dawn worked on for ages."

"They wanted...." he could barely get the words out, had they gone after Dawn, his wife? His hands formed fists as the anger rose. He was glad he was where he was at. Because if they had taken Dawn ....

"They wanted all of you, son", Teaspoon spoke, "but somebody saw Lou run after Meredith and kick on her door. So they seemed to think they had proof, well that was until you were found holding the dress. How on earth did ya find it son? And did ya have to pick it up and flag it?" Teaspoon groaned as he wiped the sweat out of his eyes. "Did you happen to see any tracks out there? Those fools have probably ridden all around the pond and destroyed everything."

Buck leaned back to the wall, the whole picture finally developing before his eyes. They definitely had proofs, no doubt about it, but a handkerchief? One of those he remembered Dawn fretting over, never getting quite right. How had that one ended up in a murdered woman's quarters?

"I know what you're thinking son," Teaspoon said, "that handkerchief, right? That one is the key and we've gotta find out where it's from. But for that to happen I have to keep you alive, Buck, that's why you're here. I only wish Kid or Miah would get here soon."

Buck was raking his mind for a possible solution to how the handkerchief had gotten into someone's hands, he didn't find any. But his mind just couldn't let it go all the same. He felt lightheaded and weak, the air was still and thick inside the office, seeming hard to breathe. He felt himself break out in a cold sweat, wondering how Dawn had taken it all. Remembering her cry, a cry that still echoed in the back of his mind. He feared she would do something, that was his girl, she never gave up, she fought. Making bad judgments occasionally in her endless pursuit of justice, her pathos shining through, getting her into trouble. Forgetting to look out for herself while trying to save others, he had seen it happen before. She, just like him, didn't belong in either of the worlds, and it showed. She had to rely on that fleeing sense of right coming from inside, that sense of righteousness borne deep inside of her. Shaped from her experiences of being the one never quite inside, always slightly on the outside, looking in, longing to belong. Longing for everyone to belong, to find their place and be accepted. She'd go to any length having that happen, sometimes making her look bad, making her break unspoken rules and old traditions. Taking matters into her own hands when nothing else seemed to work. And now it might be the worst thing to do. If anyone touched her he'd....

A bang on the door broke his line of thoughts and Teaspoon got to his feet. "I ordered breakfast," the man said as he opened the door.

Buck was left staring - breakfast? That seemed like the last thing he wanted right now.


	17. Chapter 17

She woke by a sunbeam tickling her. But she didn't move at first, she just lay there and felt the warmth on her face. It wasn't a nice heat, it was close to scorching. The heat ran diagonally over her face in a small burning stream, the crack in the window pane permitting access. Without opening her eyes she knew perfectly which path the light took inside the small unfurnished room. It leaked in through the otherwise blanket covered widow, a whitish line crossung the floor. The morning sun sharp and revealing as it spilled over the floor, broadening as it reached further into the dark room. Filling it with a soft haze as it hit the mirror on the opposite wall. Like the light fighting to get more room to expose the cracks and the misery of the dwelling. If she moved the dust would dance, swiftly and nervously it would flair up and dance a brief whirling waltz. To then fall slowly back onto it's place, if she stayed still, so very still it would fall back to the ground where it must have laid undisturbed for years. No more, she was here now stirring up the dust and unsettling the peace. She was back and the dust already danced for her as she moved and breathed. It danced and stirred for her. And she smiled as she moved to her side and opened her eyes. Watching the dust perform its salute. A salute to her, a recognition.

Pulling herself up on her feet she stretched leisurely. She had done good these past few days and today was time to rest. She'd feed herself and her horse, then she'd sit down and enjoy her victory. Turning to the windows she moved the heavy blanket to the side, letting more light in. It was still very early, she had learned to calculate the time watching the sun. At that other place she hadn't even been able to see the sun. How was she supposed to know anything if she didn't see the sun?

The light never hesitated, it grew brighter before her eyes, erasing the lingering haze in its way. It colored the ground with ocher as it welled over the dirt. The grass on the now trampled path melting into the shade of plainness as it desiccated steadily under the rays that pulled the moisture and life out of the defenseless solitary turf. The greenery of the pasture more vivid, surrounded by kin it seemed to hang on longer.

She let the blanket fall to its place and walked out to get the horse some water.

 

 

Lou wiped her brow and rose to stretch her aching back. Watering the garden patch seemed useless. This year there would be no peas, no carrots or strawberries. If it continued like this, what would there be left? When fall came they'd have to buy everything, from potatoes to grains and they couldn't afford that. Irritated she slammed the empty bucket to its place on the buckboard; her sense of utter helplessness against stronger forces was wearing her down. They did everything they could and tried to do it right, but still, something was out to get them.

With a sigh she took her seat on the buckboard, gripping the reins and urging Spots on. The buggy making noises that impeded her from hearing the sound of hooves. Kid had been gone since this morning, only popping back in to tell them what they already knew; there were no helpful tracks around the pond. The men had stampeded around the place, trampling the grass and effectively hindered any tracker to pick up signs of anybody else than the posse sent out after them. Where he was at right now, she had no idea.

Vexed she hurried the lethargic horse on, the flies gathering around them in an alarming multitude as they reached the shadow of the trees surrounding the pasture. She hoped Miah and Tessa would hurry up with the other horses and get over here with the garlic water. These horses needed shelter from the insects pestering them. She did everything to stop her thoughts from wandering to the jailhouse in Sweetwater. Keeping busy was the best solution, busy doing Kid's and B....

"Come on Spots," she muttered, "we're almost there. I'll let you loose and give you water, what more do you want? Quit draggin' those legs behind ya, it ain't like I'm askin' ya to jump the moon here!"

The horse snorted in reply, shaking his head and sending the buzzing crowd into a disarrayed gray cloud.

"I know," Lou mumbled, "Miah and Tessa are comin' over, they'll help ya out. Let's just get where we're going' and you'll be fine. You're gonna stink but you'll feel better, so why don't ya hurry up?" Another snort had her continue her friendly scolding until she was right alongside the gate where the horses gathered to salute her, or maybe the much longed for water? The sun was bright and hot and she hurried to get Spots into freedom before serving the animals with her offered temporary freshness. Dragging the sinks of water from the buckboard had her soaked and short of breath. The air so hot it hurt to breathe. Her hair was plastered to her skull when she finally stopped and watched the horses gulp the liquid down. If the pond dried out they'd be done in for. Their well held just enough for them to survive, they'd never be able to keep the horses alive. If rain didn't come soon it'd be the end of it all. Their ranch, their way of living, their family...

The thought brought forth a myriad of other just as despairing ones and she turned and walked away. Trying to keep the pictures that crept upon her at bay. She just wasn't able to comprehend how nature was still able to seem so peaceful in the midst of their turmoil. Like it was against them all, like it didn't care. As if they were totally insignificant. Lou felt like raging against the drought and the callousness of the earth they lived on and by. But the heat impeded her, the suffocating stillness of the air had her weary and tired from the effort of inhaling and exhaling. She looked up to the clear blue sky as she walked, not one cloud to shield them. Nothing at all to save them. They were undoubtedly losing.

 

 

She nibbled on the stale bread left from yesterday, that was all she had and she was hungry. The sun high in the sky already. Looked about around noon, she pondered. Too hot to be out right now, but it would also mean that she'd be alone out in the woods. The proper citizens would stay inside, out of the burning heat. She'd take this day off, taste her victory with pride and a rabbit stew. She'd just have to get to rabbit first. Then she'd make a feast for herself, a celebration of things to come.

The rifle she had stolen suited her intentions perfectly, the ammunition that the old man left right alongside of it would last her a long while. Finding it like that had to be a sign. It was put there for her, the path was laid for her. She'd just have to follow it.

With a smile she reached for the large-brimmed hat that effectively covered her face and filled her pocket with enough bullets to kill an entire buffalo herd. She'd ride down to the small creek that was, amazingly enough, still running over the rocky path it had carved itself. She suspected it was just a fraction of what it used to be, but it was still there, water creeping slowly around the stones. A perfect place to wait for her prey, sooner or later something would show up to quench its thirst. If it wasn't a rabbit it'd be something else. And she wasn't particularly picky.

 

 

She sensed something was wrong the moment she turned the corner of the barn. Yet there were no signs of troubles, nothing at all but her breath caught in her throat and she hurried her steps. The door flew open and Rachel stood on the threshold, looking wild. Lou began to run towards her, sweat running down her back, heart hammering in her chest.

"Lou!" Rachel yelled, "she left, I couldn't stop her. She took a horse and rode away. Didn't even tell me where to, she just left!"

Lou already knew who had left but she needed confirmation."Who?" she panted as she reached the porch.

"Dawn," Rachel replied just as Lou had feared. "She acted real funny too, handing me Blossom and telling me to make the two of you stick to your words. I have no idea what she was talking about, and then she just left. Had a horse saddled and all. Left just like that. I ran after her, tryin' to stop her, but I couldn't leave the girls all alone. I didn't get to her."

Glancing over the plain before her, Lou tried to gauge where Dawn possibly could have gone to, maybe she went to see Buck? Telling Rachel this she received a denying shake of head in reply. "No Lou, she told me to tell him," Rachel paused and looked down, her jaws tensed, "she told me to tell him she went to get help."

"Oh my God," Lou panted, "she's goin' home, she's going to get help from her tribe. She'll never get there in time and she's been away for so long now, things might have...I gotta go after her Rachel, how long since she left?"

"Ten minutes or so, I was readying to get the girls to come and get you." The sound of small feet running over the wooden floor in the kitchen registered in Lou's mind and she looked past Rachel. "They're playin' with Dog," Rachel explained. "Just hold on I'll get 'em and find Tess....."

"No time for that," Lou interrupted and turned to get to the horses. "I'll ride after her and get her to come home," she shouted while she ran. "She can't have gotten far. You take care of the girls, I'll get her back!"

She ran over to the corral, grabbing a headset laying over the fence and slid through the fencing. The first horse she got her hand on was the skittish young mare they had bought in early spring. She hadn't ridden this one even once. But she didn't care, all she needed now was transportation with speed. Glancing around for a saddle she couldn't see any, they were all tucked inside the barn and she didn't have the time to get one. The horse followed obediently as she opened the gate and crawled onto its back, her dress twirling around her legs.

"That way!" Rachel yelled from the porch and pointed to the narrow path leading to the pond.

Lou merely nodded and kicked the young sorrel into canter. The 'Ride safe!' reached her when she was already going up the small slope onto the rocky part of the path. Her mind searching for something to tell her what road Dawn might have taken. She was five months pregnant, she couldn't ride that fast. It had been months since she actually sat on a horse, she'd have to take it slow!

Something drew her to the narrow path that led from their pond to the small and rocky creek that ran behind the small hill behind their property. She realized then that it probably was just right, Dawn knew how to track, she'd take the creek, that left no signs at all. The water would erase the hoof-marks within minutes at best. With the drought and the slowly running water it'd probably take a bit longer, but nevertheless, soon enough there would be no tracks at all to follow. She decided to give the horse a breather and pulled at the reins to slow it down into a steady trot. Watching the soil her heart leaped, she was right. The signs of a horse proved somebody had ridden along this stretch not so long ago. The horse's breath sounded even and calm so she let it pick up speed again.

The horse under her was young and vigorous, it abided to the lightest of touch and seemed to enjoy the fast pace. But it was a long time since she had ridden bareback in full gallop and her legs started to ache from the firm grip she had to maintain. The horse stumbled on the rocks as she turned to the creek and she realized Dawn would never make it in full gallop and still be able to hide her tracks. Lou steered the horse to the sandy ground alongside the creek and gave it free reins. The young mare stretched out and picked up speed while twigs battered Lou's face as she rode on. She had to get her, she just had to get Dawn back and stop this foolishness. The pace was so fast now that the surroundings seemed blurry.

She realized she was already far away from their homestead, in the part where the creek bent around the small hills. Zigzagging its way to the thicker forest that lay ahead. When she turned the next bend she spotted Dawn. Clad in her old Indian buckskin dress, the one that now snuck tight around her belly, she looked over her shoulder. The panic was evident even over the distance. Then she turned back and made the horse pick up speed..

"Dawn! Wait!" Lou hollered, gaining steadily on the pair. Out of breath she watched the horse stumble dangerously in the rocky stream. "You can't..." her voice got stuck in her throat as she watched the horse stumble to its knees and Dawn shrieked in surprise. Hanging on to the flapping mane. Then the horse got up with a jerk, throwing Dawn backwards and out of balance. Lou winced when the mare took a leap onwards and sent Dawn tumbling down. Panic invaded her as she realized the horse she was riding wouldn't stop, the young sorrel was following the running mare and the instinct to run had taken over. Pulling the horse's head to the side she fought for control but the horse was too strong. She did only manage to get it to slow down to a trot before she threw herself off, landing on all four, being showered with gravel in the next second.

Her palms burned and her knees ached while she fought the fear and the pain searing through her while the sound of thundering hooves lessened steadily and she realized the horses were both gone. A whimper from the creek had her rise to her feet and stumble over to the woman sitting huddled, holding her ankle and rocking back and forth. Breathless Lou sank to her knees in the stream, her legs weak and shaky, her palms throbbing with pain.

"What the heck were you thinking Dawn?" She exploded at the sight of her friend, the anger took over the panicked sensation and she sank to her knees beside her. "You could'a killed yourself! You haven't ridden in months and you go off like that? You're carryin' a child woman! What on earth prompted you to do somethin' so stupid, so totally...." She grew silent and threw her arms around the woman in the creek, hugging her, stroking her hair until Dawn stilled in her hold. "We gotta get you home," she mumbled, her heartbeat slowly returning normal.

"I was goin' home," Dawn whimpered.

The words stung, they stung more deeply than Lou had expected. And her anger grew again. "Listen Dawn, we're in a rough spot right now, nobody is denyin' that. But I told you; we'll work it through. We'll...."

"I don't believe in miracles," Dawn replied with a pained moan, bent forward, fingering her hurt ankle. "I believe in people and I gotta get home."

"You are home, you fool," Lou remarked and let go of the hold of the half drenched woman. Turning to her outstretched ankle, already swelling and turning a nasty color. "Is it broken?" she asked, "I gotta get somethin' to steady it. Can't leave you here in the middle of the stream with the sun beating down on ya. What on earth were you thinkin'? I gotta get some help..."

A sound made her divert her eyes to the trees, it sounded like somebody was coming. "Somebody's here," she told Dawn, "we're gonna get help!"

A small figure clad in dark men's clothing appeared behind the bend. The black wide-brimmed hat shielding the face. Slowly the rider made his way towards them, a hunting rifle sticking out from a leather wrapping tied to the saddle, a rabbit dangling at its side. "Mister," Lou spoke, relieved to see a hunter, anyone, coming their way. "We need help! My friend's had an accident and...." She looked into a female face and something inside her clicked. She had seen this woman before but couldn't place her, and the men's clothing? Then in a slow revealing panic she saw the gun in the woman's hand and remembered it all. Pieces fell into place and her mouth grew dry. "J-Joan," she stammered, the memory of her visit washing over her, making the sunshine suddenly feel cold. She had given the woman a handkerchief, one of those Dawn had made for her. "Joan Francis," she repeated incredulously as she realized what she was looking at.

The woman smiled and the barrel of her gun rested steadily on Lou. "I prefer to be called the Redeemer."

Dawn looked startled at Lou who took a step back in horror.


	18. Chapter 18

Buck watched the fireflies outside the window as darkness fell like thick, warm quilt. He couldn't believe nobody from the homestead had come to even look in on him. What was happening around here, why wasn't anybody turning up? He had patiently waited all day, knowing full well how much work there was on the homestead, the water having to be dragged to two different pastures and even to the few horses left in the corral during the night. But still? All morning had been spent going over what had happened, over and over again; the accusation and his situation pestered him relentlessly. What it meant to his loved ones, the family he had started. He weighed his options and always came out with the same result; if a miracle didn't happen he was dammed. At noon, when the heat inside the dwelling had driven Teaspoon out on the porch and into the shade, the fear had started to nag at him. How was Dawn doing? Was somebody there for her? How was his daughter taking all this, her father being accused of brutally murdering a woman. Had someone told her and explained to her. Was she seeing him as a monster? His girl, his beautiful little girl - would she be afraid of him? The heat had made it hard to breathe, or was it the anxiety that made every breath a painful experience?

Then at the dwindling of the day he started to worry, this wasn't normal. Someone should have come to at least check on him. Where were they, what had happened? He wasn't able to touch the food Teaspoon brought in. And it got even worse when Teaspoon started walking to the door and looking out, chatting about irrelevant things to keep his prisoner's mind at ease. Still, the man couldn't help himself but repeatedly wandered to the door and looked out.

Nobody was coming.

Now, in the darkness, Buck felt beyond himself. He needed to do something. He needed to ride out and check on his family. He needed word that they were all right. He had stopped counting the times he had planned his breakout. He knew perfectly well where Teaspoon kept the keys to the cells, He knew where the horses were tied up. It wouldn't take much. He'd just have to get Teaspoon out, send him on some kind of errand. Then it would just take a bullet to drop the deputy sitting outside in the shade, having his third whisky for the night.

It wouldn't take much, but it would take more than he had.

 

 

Lou stared into the complete darkness; how had they ended up here? Thrown into the cellar of a house not more than a shack. How had this happened?

It all seemed unreal now, their long walk in the creek, Dawn hoisted up on the horse, Lou walking alongside, holding on to the reins. Awaiting the woman's orders from behind their backs. The gun pointing at her every step of the way. The rifle loaded and carried over the shoulder, ready to be flipped and fired at any instance. Lou had hoped and prayed that someone, anyone would see what was happening. She had contemplated running for her life and leaving Dawn behind, if she was really fast she might make it. Ashamed at her thoughts she had discarded it promptly, you never left a friend behind. She had tried to get the horse to run away with Dawn but the woman knew what she was doing. Joan Francis was watching every move and she laughed and told them exactly what would happen if either of them made one unexpected move. And Lou had believed every word. She was not willing to risk her daughter's or Rachel's lives, or anyone else's either. The coldness with which the woman had forwarded her ultimate plan for Sweetwater had almost driven Lou insane. What mind could come up with such sick ideas, what kind of an twisted existence was the woman walking behind them? Telling them the most horrid of tales. Sounding like she enjoyed every word.

And then, coming up on an old deserted homestead, dragging Dawn over the floor and staring into the dark hole. A cellar under the house. Probably built for storing, perfect for storing perishables, with shelves along the side. Large enough for two to rest in. If you sat resting up along the brick wall. A grave.

It had taken them forever to get down there along the narrow ledge that Joan pulled up as soon as they got in. Lou would never forget the face over the edge. It wasn't triumph she read on it, it wasn't madness, there was something she didn't understand. Almost like sorrow. But still, she had handed them a bucket for their 'needs' and a bottle of water. Then the lid had been shut and Lou heard nails being driven into the wood.

That was when they both had panicked.

And now they were just lying there, on the hard cool floor, in complete darkness. Lou went through all the possibilities she would have had to break out from the situation, why did she call for help to begin with? Why did she do such a stupid thing? She would never have done it in the Express days, called for help, never! Living on the ranch had made her trust and rely on people too much, giving up her disguise had opened her up and let too much of her guard down. Why didn't she take a chance and run? Maybe the woman would have missed? But the woman would not have missed Dawn. And still, what difference would that make when the woman finalized her plan? Setting fire to Sweetwater and making the tracks lead back to them would surely take them to the gallows anyhow. And possibly their loved ones to the grave. At least Buck, locked up in the jailhouse. Who would think about his safety? This woman had managed setting one of them up already, and wouldn't it just seem like a retaliation from their part? The guilty striking back with vengeance. Which ever way this went, they were doomed.

Her palms and knees ached from the fall and her fingertips had been scratched into bloody pulps. But there was no way to get out of this grave, the walls were of solid bricks. The small square over their heads was their only way out, they had found that out the hard way. And it was nailed shut.

Still she couldn't give up, there had to be a way out of this. If only....

 

 

She felt like laughing when she skinned the rabbit and started the fire. What a perfect plan! Why hadn't she thought about it herself? Letting these two take the heat and see what it was like. One was obviously with child and an Injun to top it off. No doubt a cheap slut in most minds. Who would ever believe her? For a moment she felt sorry for the woman, but she couldn't let her go now, could she? She'd run back to town and squeal. But then again, would anybody believe her? Better not risk it. Shaking her head she knew the Injun would have to pay too, unjust as it may be she still had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. After all, it was kind of a poetic justice.

And that Louise, she'd see something else than frolicking with her husband at the pond now. She'd see something else than the life she'd lived. Riding for the Pony express, becoming famous for her bravery. And finding a husband after doing such a manly work? Why was she allowed happiness? Why was she allowed to be admired and loved? Hadn't she too broken rules and done things not very proper for a lady? Why was she allowed to do so and nobody looked down their nose at her? Now she too would see what it was like to be accused of something you didn't do, and all her friends would turn their backs on her. They'd all look at Louise with contempt, not admiration.

She'd have to kill that husband and daughter of hers first thou', if only she got them alone in one place. That was something she'd have to figure out first. She wasn't quite sure the husband would turn his back on her, seemed like a goody two shoes. She hoped she had fooled him when he had turned up unsuspectingly whilst she was preparing the rabbit. Luckily the women had been silent then. Another sign of what she was doing was right. It had to be, why else would the shrilled voices have quieted just before and she had been able to go outside and skin her prey? Why else would he turn up right then?. Luckily he had stayed on his horse, simply asking if 'he' had seen two riders. She had managed to stay calm and concentrated on the task at hand when she replied that 'he' had heard horses running when 'he' was out hunting. But 'he' had never seen anyone. 'He' was only passing through here anyhow, on 'his' way to Yukon and the gold-mines. Her hands had been trembling and the man on the horse had watched. For a moment she had considered drawing her gun and shoot him right there, but that was too risky. Offering him to join in the meal had finally convinced him. Politely he had declined and left. He had turned the horse around and ridden on. Never looking back. Better get rid of him, making it look like dear Louise had pulled the trigger. She'd figure out how during the night. And yes, she'd have to make it look like she killed the Injun too, Louise would have to stand all alone. Best thing was probably to burn their homestead down and then move over to Sweetwater. Yes, that was it. Maybe, she still had the whole night to make her plan perfect.

The fire picked up, agreeing with her and she smiled when it hungrily licked her evening meal.

But somewhere n the back of her mind there was a wail threatening to break through and fill her throat. Somewhere deep inside her there was something battling her, yelling at her to stop it now, that what she did was wrong. That what she did was really insane, like they had all told her over and over again. That she was truly becoming what they had told her she was.

They were very quiet now, and it scared her. They had raged at first when she finally got them inside the cellar. She was able to hear their sobs and the scratching as they looked for a way out of the darkness. The strained wails of despair had gone on for what seemed like hours. But now there was nothing. She could still remember the day they had brought her to that awful place and locked her inside a dirty stinking room. The other women in there, those she passed while they dragged her through the long corridor, all looking at her with empty eyes. She had done exactly the same, fought and screamed, desperate to get out. Scratched her hands bloody against the walls. Dug the earth and hammered the door in a vane attempt to escape her fate. Then she had relented and just sunken to the ground. It was then she had understood there was no way out. Nothing she could do. And that if she stayed there she'd become one of those women with dead eyes. Maybe she had?

As the fire flared up, bitter tears welled in her eyes. She didn't want to do this, but how else would she make those people see that what they had done was wrong? How else would her life matter?

 

 

It must have been midnight when the jailhouse door finally opened. Buck rose to stand, holding on to the bars. The moment he saw Kid he knew his fears had been right. Something was wrong, so terribly wrong that the man walking in had difficulties meeting with his eyes.

Kid stopped a few steps before the cell and Teaspoon got to his feet. "Kid?"

"Leave us alone Marshal," Kid spoke silently in a monotone voice.

"What?" Teaspoon interjected, "took you long enough to get here, what in tarnation...."

"Just leave," Kid repeated, never looking at the man at his side. "Please just leave!"

Looking at him Buck felt literally nauseous from the hard knot forming in his guts. Kid looked like he hadn't seen neither food nor water in weeks. He looked like a beggar, his trousers were dusty and the shirt that had looked pristine this morning was now sweaty and much the same color as the dirt-covered pants he wore. And worst of all was that the gun he had put aside was now hanging on his hip, a habit he had lost some years ago. Kid never wore a gun after he had given up his marshaling of Sweetwater, he simply refused to. Using a weapon only for hunting, nothing else. The gun in its holster was enough for Buck's mind to fill with gory images of murder and assault. He wanted to scream.

Kid raked a hand through his hair impatiently, staring at the ground.

Teaspoon cast a glance in Buck's direction and Buck nodded in desperate affirmation. Kid wouldn't talk if Teaspoon was still around. The obvious animosity he showed the older man was more than evident, it was deliberate. But Kid didn't know the reasons that lay behind Teaspoon's actions. How could he?

Teaspoon sighed and turned to the door. "I'll get you somethin' to drink Kid, but remember; there's still a deputy outside the door. Don't do anythin' stupid Kid, I know you're more than capable at times. You gotta trust me on this one. I'll be back in a while."

When the door slammed shut Kid lifted his eyes and the expression had Buck grip the bars tighter.

"They're gone Buck. I followed their traces but all I came upon were the horses. I can't find them. Somethin' musta happened and I don't know where to look anymore. I've been lookin' all night but there's not a sign. I've asked everybody but nothing. I can't cover all the territory alone and I can't trust these folks. Where was she headed Buck, where would Dawn go?"

Buck closed his eyes and rested his brow up against the bars. Gone? Dawn was gone? Why had she... and where was Blossom? "Gone?" he finally got out, "she's gone? And Blossom, where's my daughter?"

"With Rachel and Tessa, they're both with Rachel and Tessa and I gotta get back to relieve Miah, I can't keep him up all alone to watch the place. I asked at the Saloon for help looking for 'em but no-one will..."

It finally dawned on Buck that Kid was talking about they and them, "Lou?" he simply asked, "Lou went with her?"

"She rode after her," Kid replied, "I found tracks leading to the creek but then.." He paused, "they must have followed the creek and then they just disappeared. Something happened at that creek, there were signs of a third horse but I can't pick up any more signs of that one either. Found traces of blood along side those tracks, came up on a lad skinning a rabbit. He knew nothing, at least he told me so. Maybe it has nothing to do with Lou and Dawn, but I don't know. Didn't see any tracks of them thou. Only thing I could see was the one horse and a trampled path to the house. It was the old Gilligan's place you know, the one they say is haunted. The skinny lad said he was only passing through, on his way up north."

"What exactly happened?" Buck asked, needing to know everything.

And then Kid told him. He told him about how he had ridden out to the pond but there were too many tracks. People from Sweetwater had gathered there after the posse left, after having trampled all over the place. Their curiosity aroused by the rumors, they had ridden out to watch the scene of the horrendous crime, much like hyenas drawn to a carcass. And then he had gone back home to tell them about the lack of useful signs. How he then had ridden around in wide circles to look for anything unusual. But everything was unusual right now, how he had gone to their neighbors and asked if they'd seen anything. Most doors had been slammed in his face. When he had gone back it had been late and all he had found was Rachel with the girls. And she had told him all. Dawn giving her Blossom, how she had then run over to the horse she had saddled already and taken off towards the pond. How Lou had come shortly after and decided to take up the chase. It had happened hours ago by then and Rachel was on the verge of falling apart. She had sent out both Miah and Tessa to look for them, but they had come up empty handed. How he then had decided to take up the search himself and how he had come up equally empty handed.

At Kid's tale Buck's head started swirling, this couldn't be happening. He should be out there, looking for his wife. Bringing her back home to their daughter. Making everything right. Why had they left their horses? Something must have happened, had they gotten hurt and somebody had taken them in? But there was nobody along that stretch of land, had someone else found them? The memories of Dawn and Lou sitting by a fire, held at gunpoint rattled his nerves and sweat trickled down his temples.

The door opened and Teaspoon walked back in, holding three cups of steaming coffee and breadrolls.

Kid stiffened and turned, casting one last glance at Buck. "I still have things to do, I better get goin'." He mumbled and turned on his heels.

"Kid? What the .." Teaspoon started but was silenced when Kid walked past him, deliberately brushing up so close that he had to take a step back to avoid spilling the coffee.

The door slammed shut behind him and Buck closed his eyes. Kid wasn't thinking straight, he didn't have the whole picture and didn't stop to ask. He had just come home from a long ride and fell straight into the mess. He just wasn't thinking straight. And there were memories that were bound to haunt him right now, making him act just as crazy. He'd have to fill Teaspoon in himself and hope Kid didn't dig his own grave.

But the pictures that assaulted him were driving him out of his mind. All he saw was Dawn, tied to a pole, dead on the tracks. Cast into a dark grave.

This couldn't be happening, not again.


	19. Chapter 19

The lid opened and Lou had to peer into the strong light that bathed the room and momentarily blinded her as she looked up. Totally disorientated it took a while for her to realize they had already spent a night in imprisonment. This was a new day and moments of utter silence passed before she was able to clearly make out the form towering above the square. Joan Francis was looking at her and for a moment their eyes met with mutual hesitancy. Then Joan looked to the side; "you better eat somethin'!" Carefully she forwarded a canteen and a small tin, filled with some kind of stew, to the edge. The gun in hand and a crowbar on the floor aside their prison.

Lou wanted to laugh, this was ridiculous beyond belief. The woman holding them captured in a cellar was suddenly worried that they'd starve to death? But in spite of her initial instinct to laugh out loud in the woman's face she just gripped the tin and the canteen. Giving them to Dawn who looked at the metal, like hoping it could turn into some kind of weapon. Lou hadn't even thought about that, maybe their salvation would consist of an empty tin?

"So Louise," the woman spoke in a forced cheerful voice; "I'm sorry I couldn't offer you better accommodation but I'm kind of in a bind here. Feels like thunder is gettin' closer day by day. You know, air kind of thick and all. I had such a fine plan, but now all I can do is set fire on the hell." She snickered to herself. " I knew I shoulda done it a long time ago. I can't understand what stopped me?"

Dawn and Lou exchanged a glance as Lou scooted further into the semi-dark shelter. Was she trying to make polite conversation? What was wrong with this woman?

"See, I used to live here a long time ago." She continued, now out of their sight. "Had a husband and two wonderful kids. A big strong boy and a tiny beautiful little baby-girl. I loved them so. And now this town has to pay, all those folks looking down their nose at me, will pay. A pity that Emma Shannon isn't around any longer, but I'll get to her yet. Isn't it nice when friend's turn on you Louise? Well, you don't know what it's like yet, do you? But soon you will."

Dawn's panicked eyes met Lou's, expecting some kind of explanation. But Lou just shook her head, she had nothing to offer that would clarify the words of their warden.

"Missis Francis," Dawn spoke, struggling to get to her feet. Hanging on to the wall to keep upright. Lou croaked a hoarse warning but Dawn didn't heed. "I don't know all that happened to you, but I know Lou wasn't part of it. So why..."

"Happened?" the woman interrupted, walking to the verge and looking down at the women inside. Sinking to her knees she fixed her eyes on Dawn. "You wanna know what happened? I was living a perfectly good life when the lowlife that owned me found me."

"Owned you?" Dawn asked.

"Owned me," the woman confirmed with a bitter smile. "You can own people as easy as that." She flicked her fingers in the air. "Take someone without a family and give her shelter, food or just hope and she's yours forever. Make her yours in every way, make her pay and pay and pay for what you did for her that one cold night."

Lou turned her eyes to Joan's face and caught the blazing bitterness in the red-rimmed eyes.

"Oh, he owned me all right, and used me to gain more." Joan nodded, emphasizing the fact. "I lost my mother when I was twelve, I'd never even seen my father and had no other kin at all. I was born out of wedlock. When Mama died there was nothing left for me, a farmer took me in and had me work the fields. But the barn got so cold at night I thought I'd freeze to death, so I fled. Went to Blue Creek, found work doing laundry for the rich. But I had no place to live. Had to work to survive day by day and he found me out on the street. Needless to say his intentions weren't the purest. Seems one of his girls had escaped and he desperately needed a new pristine whore. Well, this time it happened to be me."

Lou felt nauseous at the tale.

"But I was lucky, I hadn't been there for more than a couple of years when a sweet shy man walked in to the whorehouse, never even knowing what he walked in to." She paused to smile, a genuine smile that made her look years younger. "Matt walked right in and soon after he helped me escape. Married me and all. I couldn't believe my luck! I was delirious, I never figured life could be so good. Well, I was right, wasn't I?" Her voice changed drastically, a coldness seeping into it, her face hardening again. "It didn't take long for one of his goons to find me. Soon all of Sweetwater knew what I was. All the years of good deeds done were forgotten when the word spread. A dirty whore, settling in their perfect little town! A prostitute marrying one of their son's, what would happen next? Whores taking the men from the all the good Sweetwater women? That could absolutely not be allowed now, could it?" She repositioned slightly and looked over at Lou before she continued. "And that was only the beginning. He came to get me, I was pregnant and he waited for me in the alley. Matt came and there was a gunfight. The goddamned lowlife killed my Matt! I watched him gun down the man I loved! He killed him and of course I was the one accused of doing it. I mean, who was I? A dirty whore! I know people saw what happened but nobody spoke. Not one! They took my boy right away, locked me up and waited till I gave birth and then my sweet baby girl was gone too. Emma came to take her just after she was born, I asked where she was taking her but she didn't say! She never even looked at me as she carried my little girl away. Then they took me away to that place."

Lou had trouble breathing as the woman's tale progressed. Dawn cast a preoccupied glance at her before she moved closer to the woman, balancing on one foot, gripping the wood for stability.

"Joan," she asked, "may I call you Joan? I understand..."

"I swore then that I somehow would get Sweetwater," the woman continued her monologue, "that I somehow would have it pay for all I lost. All Matt and my children lost. It wasn't my fault, I wasn't born a whore, it was either that or death. If I had known then what I know now I might have chosen differently, but I couldn't have known, could I?" Her voice was pained at this point. The last words a mere whisper.

"You can still...." Dawn began.

The barrel of the gun flashed in the sunlight falling in through the window and Dawn winced, swaying on her feet. Lou felt her heart skip a beat when the barrel hit Dawn over the cheek once again, the motion so fast that Lou didn't even understand what was happening until Dawn fell back into a heap up against the bricked wall.

Lou let out a shriek and crawled on her knees to Dawn's side. Staring absolutely appalled at the woman hovering high above them.

Tiredly Joan rose to her feet. "I really don't wanna do what I'm about to do. But what will my life matter if I don't set things straight?" She bowed to close the lid. Looking at them one more time, she spoke in a low voice; "I'm so sorry you had to come in between."

Lou grabbed the canteen and hurled it at the woman. The lid was half closed when the empty canteen hit the planks hard and sent it back, slamming heavily against the wall.

Then the lid was nailed shut again.

 

 

She stood on the porch, staring to the overcast sky. The almost black clouds rolled in fast now, followed by the increasing thunder. How was this possible? She had planned this so well and long, it shouldn't be raining tonight. The thunder had rolled over the plains so many nights she had gotten used to it, but never had it rained before. And she had taken it as a sign to wait and watch how the dear townspeople turned on each other. But now the thunder was closer than ever, almost straight over them. So close it sounded like cannonades. The darkness fell fast and she had so many things yet undone. She wouldn't have time to kill that daughter and husband of Louise's. Would she even have time to set Sweetwater on fire? Or maybe the thunder would do it for her? Was she fretting over nothing? Maybe it was somehow included in the divine plan and she'd just have to stand back and watch?

But still, all her perfect plans? Why did this happen now? Hadn't she done everything right? Why would she be stopped in her moment of glory? It was her work, her plans and her revenge. It wasn't fair, it just wasn't fair! She had waited for this night for years, a still night when she would be able to stand at a distance and watch Sweetwater get rapidly engulfed in the flames of inferno. Flames she had started! Stand and watch the purification. Rejoice in the ultimate victory.

Why wasn't that allowed her? Why would she lose once again?

The rumbling thunder sounded like the music they had played at the the mayor's funeral when she was nine. The rolling beat of the drum, thundering on in a captivating crescendo. She had found it beautiful, solemn and sad. A worthy tribute to a good man, her mother had said. Was this a tribute to her? Was this it? But she wouldn't go alone, she'd take someone with her. She was too afraid to step over the border all alone. But why fight it any longer. This was it and Louise and the Injun would follow her to whatever awaited on the other side. She couldn't face being alone on that ultimate voyage.

 

 

Buck had just spent the longest day of his entire life staring out the barred window. The air was thicker than he ever remembered it being before, it was suffocating. Even in the twilight it felt like a fever - a sickly hot sensation there was no way to escape. He didn't remember when he had eaten last, he couldn't remember how he had passed this torturously long day. It seemed every moment was a burning hot eternity of fear and anger mixed into an exhausting pain. And he didn't know if he wanted it to end or not.. What would another day mean? Another day and no Dawn or Lou? Another day of not knowing. If there was a hell, this was it.

The shadow approaching seemed familiar. It took a while before he recognized Kid, but he was alone. Tying Katy to the post he leaned on it for a while, the picture of a beat man. A man that had lost the battle.

This is hell.

With his eyes fixed on Kid starting onwards, he caught a glimmer of brilliant red. One of the Saloon girl's walked up to the man and stepped right in his planned path, hindering him from proceeding. There seemed to be a brief colloquium and Kid glanced in the direction of the jailhouse. His stance changed and he turned to the Saloon girl, who pointed discretely to one of the men standing outside the Saloon. Kid looked over to the man and turned to untie Katy.

Buck looked on without understanding.

Kid walked up to the man. Speaking eagerly to him. The elderly man looked around and nodded for Kid to step further away from the dim light cast by the lantern. Then they disappeared out of sight.

A vague hope-like feeling kept Buck on his toes while the seconds passed. He didn't move a muscle as they stretched out and became minutes. Thunder rolled once again over the plains, like so many other nights, without ever giving them the much needed rain.

Teaspoon sighed behind him and rose to his feet, mumbling that he had to make one last patrol of the town. Buck merely nodded, tension building within him as the minutes passed by, it seemed he had already waited for hours. Teaspoon stepped out and turned to walk down the street in the opposite direction. Leaving the door ajar. Buck let out a breath. The deputy outside gulping down whisky, it was now or never if he ever wanted to break out. The line of thought was interrupted as he watched Kid walk up into the lighter haze of the empty street. His friend looked steadily at him and Buck saw the underlying question clear as a day. He locked gaze with him, giving him permission. The deputy set his glass down and glared at the approaching man, catching the ardent look in the eyes locked on something inside the Marshal's office. Turning to cast a glance inside to gauge what held the man's interest. That moment of lost vigilance was all Kid needed. The next moment a slack deputy was hauled inside, over the floor and into the cell aside Buck's.

Kid knew exactly where the keys were and tossed them to Buck.

Without a word Buck unlocked the door and turned to lock the door where the unconscious deputy lay on his back. Mouth wide open. Concerned Buck looked him over closely, relieved to find the chest still rising and falling.

Kid handed the deputy's gun to Buck while opening the desk drawer for ammunition, nodding at a gunbelt hanging from a peg by the door.

When they reached the door Kid spoke for the first time; "I know where they are Buck, at Gilligan's place. It's a woman holdin' them. Moss saw her climb out of the window at the Saloon the night Meredith was murdered. He recognized her but couldn't place her. Not until tonight when he talked to a Saloon girl 'bout what had happened, then it fell onto place he said. It's a long story Buck, just stay behind me as we get out. I have Katy tied behind the corner. I gotta go get myself a horse from somewhere."

"They're gonna hang you twice Kid," Buck replied, still rather stunned at the turning of events.

"Don't wait for me if somethin' happens Buck, go right on. Just go get them!" Kid said and stepped out with a last glance over his shoulder. Telling Buck it was safe to follow. And he did, he slid out unnoticed, took four long steps before he was out of the light from the lantern hanging by the jailhouse door. Then he turned to the alley and found Katy. The horse nickered a salute and Buck shushed her impatiently before he mounted and rode out to the juncture facing the main street, keeping out of the light seeping from the windows of the Saloon.

Kid walked up to the horses, took his time untying them all before he quickly mounted a lively gelding. Old Moss walked up to him and Kid gestured down the street. Buck realized he was telling Moss to get Teaspoon to follow. Buck smirked, what if Kid was wrong? What if Dawn and Lou weren't there? If that was the case they'd just keep on going, turning every rock for them, or hang. Well, he would hang anyway so there really wasn't much of a choice after all now, was there?

Kid kicked the horse into a trot just as the thunder exploded over their heads and a mere second later lightening seared the sky and touched ground with a deafening burst. Frightened cries from the horses followed as they scattered and ran blindly along the main street. Buck followed.

It seemed nobody even cared when they rode out and the first raindrops fell.


	20. Chapter 20

The lid was jerked open, Lou peered into the light above her. Her arms aching, her back about to break into pieces as she shifted position. She couldn't make out who was there, holding the flickering kerosene lamp. But even without seeing she knew, she knew that help had not arrived. It never would, and she would die here. In a dusty hole in the ground.

"Get up, both of you. It's time."

Lou wanted to tell the woman she couldn't, there was no way she could climb up the rickety ladder. Not even those measly four steps that would get her up. There was no way. And Dawn was still partly out, Lou could hear her breathe shallowly but there had been no movements for at least an hour. Or was it days? She had lost track of time. Her lips were crackled, when she moved her mouth to respond they burned.

"Get up or I'll kill your friend there, make it look like you killed her too. What do you think will happen to you then? Do you still think your man will love you and be there for you? And your friends? Do you really think anybody will believe you? You're just a woman, nobody will listen to a word you say, you'll see."

She had no strength to get mad any longer, this was all so insane. Crawling into a sitting position she gathered her strength to get up from the hole they were cast in. Get up and try, once again, to get them both out of here. Dawn moaned as she accidentally pushed her while struggling to get to her feet.

"Now!" The woman hollered, "now, dammit! There's not much time!"

Lou stopped in her struggle, looking up, watching the face above, hidden behind the blinding light. Her eyes getting accustomed to the light, she was able to see the woman's face. "For what?" she asked.

The woman sank to her knees on the floor, reaching down and grabbing Lou hard by the arm. The motion made Lou slam into the hard wooden boards with her chest, sending a bolt of pain through her. But the woman didn't relent, she placed the lamp on the floor and gripped Lou with both hands, managing to drag her up while Lou's fought for some kind of stability.

"Let her go you freak!" The weak voice from below came as a relief and Lou closed her eyes for a brief moment. But she wasn't sure if it was in gratitude or in despair. Dawn was suddenly coherent enough to comprehend that something was happening.

"Shut up, I might just as easily drop this lantern on you down there. Ever think of that? Would you like it? Would you? Feel the fire lick at you, burn you to a crisp?" The woman sounded like she was reciting some play, the voice oddly emotionless. But the words sent a chill down Lou's spine, she was capable of such a thing. No doubt about it. This woman was capable of anything. If she had doubted it before, she knew it now.

"Dawn," Lou warned in a moan while the woman jerked her to her feet.

"It's time for the big showdown," the woman laughed, "it's time to set the whole town on fire, Lou. Clean the ugliness of Sweetwater from this earth. And you will watch while it's done. You will watch and see all the flames rise to the sky. Take your loved ones along. Knowing all will think it's your fault. Knowing it will be your end too."

"You're crazy!"

"I am? Well you choose, you or your daughter? It's all up to you. I'll go after everyone you love, you better believe that!"

Lou stared at the sweaty face a mere inch from her own. It expressed hatred and desperation, disgust and trepidation. But no fear. And yet again, Lou found herself looking at what they all somehow had made happen in this woman. She had been stripped of all dignity and justice, everything she loved and cared for. And now someone would have to pay. And it would be her and Dawn. And Lou wondered, if she had walked the same roads as this woman had been forced to, would she do the same? Would she feel the same need as this woman to make her mark on the world, such a bloody mark?

Then she heard it, the sound of loud thunder rolling over the sky, the air still sultry but the dull promise of relief rolled over the dark sky above. Her eyes turned to the woman and met with eyes now shadowed with desperation. Joan turned away and looked through the dirty window as a bolt of lightning lit the room with sharp flash.

"It's too late," Lou spoke, feeling hope surge through her at the sound. If only she were able to hold this woman back for a little while longer; the rain might come and stop her plans. Salvation might still be close, her prayers had been heard. The rain would not allow the woman to finish her plans, it might not save her or Dawn, but maybe it would save her loved ones. And right now revenge or even justice seemed irrelevant, all she wanted was her family safe. She didn't care about anything else.

"Just go, you can't do anything anymore. Just leave." Lou suggested, too tired to try and talk sense into this woman, too tired to even think rationally.

Joan turned back to her, watching her as another flash illuminated the room. "They're comin'!"

"Who?" Lou asked, wondering if the woman was hallucinating, seeing things that weren't there.

"Your husband and hers," Joan said, defeat in her voice. "Somebody is comin' for ya, do you know how lucky you are? After all that's happened, they're still comin' for ya."

Lou's heart raced, for the first time in days she felt hope, they had found them, they were coming, they'd be safe...

"I can't let that happen, I'll have to stop them, I'll have to have somebody, anybody, pay for what they did to me! I'll be waiting here for them, when lightning strikes I'll see them and shoot. Maybe they'll think you did? How does that sound? You think anyone will believe your story about a crazy woman? You really think they will?"

Lifting the rifle to her shoulder Joan placed herself at the window, the barrel resting on the frame.

Lou reacted without thinking, the lantern was at her reach, casting squares of light over the floor. The next lightning struck when she was right by the lantern. And without even thinking she lifted it and swung it at the woman. A pain exploded in her shoulder and she struck again. The sound of metal and glass colliding was followed by a cry of pain before she felt the barrel strike again, right under her ear, sending her to her knees as a wave of nausea rushed over her and she fell helplessly face down to the floor. The lantern rolling over the floor, the glass gone and the flame licking at the wood. It stopped by the pile of dirty clothes by the wall. The garments fed the fire and sent flames lapping at the wall and the curtains.

Casting her eyes to the right she saw Joan fallen into a sitting position by the opposite wall, rifle still in hand. The woman was looking in her direction, but the eyes were strangely void, like she was looking inside herself. Then she saw it, a splint of glass stuck out of her throat. The blood now pumping slower, darker in color. And she realized what the sticky dampness on her face was. The sight was enough to make her sick. Gathering all her strength she rolled to her back to get away from the horrid scene and closed her eyes. The stench of burnt cloth and wood filling the air. The kerosene helped the flames to the floorboards, leading the fire onwards, to her. The door was so close to her, slightly ajar and inviting. But she did not have the force to drag herself out. The rain outside pouring down now, the thunder straight above them. The sharp blazes of lightning illuminating the house with brief intervals. Her body cramped, sending the pain searing through her. Her shoulder burning with a searing ache, paralyzing her. Behind closed eyelids she felt the air fluctuate as the sound of brisk movements penetrated into her fogged mind.

"Oh God, Lou!" The sound was barely a whisper, a breathless frantic prayer.

She knew this voice, she knew it so well. Was she dying now? Was she seeing and hearing things? If she was, why wasn't Emma here? She needed to see her daughter, she needed to hold her, tell her how much she loved her.

The room filled with hasty steps, breaths running uneven and fast.

"Where's Dawn!"

An other voice, just as frantic and familiar called out. She opened her eyes and in the foggy mist surrounding her she saw the eyes of the man she had been praying would find her. He was hovering over her, a hand on her chest, searching for heartbeats. His hair wet, glued to his face, his lips moving, face drawn and pale.

Dawn's feeble sob alerted Buck to her situation. The stream of Kiowa words sounded like a supplication to higher powers. Then there was the sound of wood creaking in protest. And Lou prayed, for her friend and her unborn child.. "Get her," she mumbled, but the words came out like a garbled moan. .

"Oh God, Lou," the voice close to her breathed, his face coming closer now. His hands stroking her hair out of her face. "Oh my God." His hand cupping her face, eyes searching hers. The panic in them startling her.

"Kid." The voice that came out of her mouth was hoarse and pained.

"Don't talk love, no need." The hands were around her now, tentatively circling her, finding a secure grip. "Don't talk Lou, I'm gonna have to..." the voice pausing in a choke. Her sight getting even foggier and the sound of his voice seemed to echo strangely in her head.

"It's gonna hurt, baby, but I have to get you out. I'm so sorry, baby, this is gonna hurt." He seemed near tears, his voice vibrating of barely contained emotion.

"Em?" Her voice a strangled whimper.

"Shhh, baby shhh. Don't talk. She's fine baby, everybody is fine. Buck's got Dawn." The voice choked as she felt herself being lifted off the floor, wincing in pain at the slightest of movement in her body.

"I'm so sorry Lou, just hang on, please hang on, don't.... just hang on, love. I'll try not to hurt you, I'll try not to let anyone ever hurt you again. Oh God, what she do to you? Lou, please, hang on, I love you. Oh please, don't ..." His voice now a low mumble at her ear mumbling the same words over and over again.

Her head rested on his shoulder, his whispered words close to her ear, the voice garbled by the raw emotions within the words. And his words made her briefly wonder who was in greater pain. Then the rain came down on her, a hand shielding her face but droplets still falling onto her cracked lips. His voice mixing with the sound of the torrents of rain and the rumble of thunder. Mixing into the whirlwind, calling forth shadows of gray and black under her closed eyelids.

She tried to fight, but the darkness took her all the same.


	21. Chapter 21

In the break of morning, when the darkness slowly gave way to a lighter haze of gray; he still prayed. Silently and intensely he supplicated all the Gods he had heard about, for what he wasn't sure, he didn't even exactly know why the anguish still had him in its grips. Dawn would be fine, her battered face and injured foot was nothing in companion to what might have been. And still he felt as if something had been forever lost. Even though his name had been cleared somewhere along the line. How, he still wasn't sure, it didn't matter at the time. It still didn't, because he wasn't the one paying the steepest price.

Clutching her hand in his as if it were the anchor holding him from floating into insanity, he both cursed and thanked all higher powers. She would probably rest more comfortably alone in their bed but he was unable to let go. He had watched her face for hours, the bruises on her cheek bluish, her hair still matted of the nightly ride in torrential rain. Taking the soft cotton dipping it into the basin, wiping some lingering dirt off her brow. Kissing her lips as she frowned in her exhausted sleep. His heart was raging and battling, one moment angry at her for having ridden out like that, grateful the next. It shouldn't have happened like this, what if they had come too late, what would have happened? If the rain hadn't come, what then? And his tears fell while he watched her. She had come through this time, but the next? This time both she and their unborn child would make, it but when this all happened next, and it most surely would. What would the outcome be then? This wasn't her place, the white world was just as wrong for her as it was for him. But what place was?

"Dawn," he spoke while looking at the hand in his, "I love you. You know that. Maybe I don't say it much but you know, don't you? Maybe I've been shuttin' you out lately but I am scared. More so now than ever before in my life, becoz' before, I just didn't have all this to lose. I didn't have you and Blossom and that little bean you're carryin' for me to lose. I think I wanted to protect you. But I failed, didn't I? I should never have taken you away from your home, not to this mess, I should never have asked you to join me in the white world. I shouldn't have..." He choked on his words, her hand getting blurred as his vision was flooded. "I shouldn't love you Dawn, coz' the ones I love get hurt. The more I love them the more they hurt it seems. And I can't protect you coz I can't love you any less."

His wife moved uneasily, her eyes cracking open and her lips moving.

"Hold on," he choked, "don't talk. Didn't mean to wake you up!"

Dawn moved to the edge of their bed and mouthed "water" and he hurried to oblige. Easing her up into a sitting position he slid in behind her and moved the glass to her cracked lips. She threw him a slightly annoyed glance before gripping the glass with shaking hands and gulping it all down. Never comfortable in the role of the patient. Coughing and grimacing she wiped her mouth. Then she turned her eyes to his and whispered; "Buck, I- I- I have to go!"

He already knew that, he knew she needed to get away from the evil. Resting his cheek on her hair he nodded. "I know, but you gotta rest first. We'll go, I promise. We'll find a place. We won't stay here, it's too dangerous, we don't belong, we need to..."

"Eh Buck," Dawn spoke, moving to the edge of the bed, casting a glance over her shoulder at him. "I was talkin' about the outhouse."

Buck moved to sit in crouched in front of her, looking at her, her bruised and battered face. Her lower lip swollen and the dark shadows under her eyes. He just looked, long and hard. Remembering how she had shivered in his hold when he finally got her up from the dark closed space. He knew how much she hated closed spaces like that, how she always needed a way out. How he had marveled that she hadn't gone insane trapped like that. How she had relaxed in his hold while the rain beat down on her battered face. How limp she had been in his hold when the wagon had finally arrived. The road home had been so long, so torturously long. And Teaspoon had wiped his eyes when he looked at her, the old man had to divert his gaze at the sight of his wife. And all he had done on the way home was listen to her fast and shallow breaths that slowly evened out to a calmer pace. And he had prayed. And later, he and Blossom had sat at her side, the little girl crying in his lap. Unsettled by the atmosphere and the long waiting for the one she so needed to wake up. Asking him why someone had hurt her Ma. And he didn't have the answer. The first words out of Dawn had been about her children, Blossom and her unborn. The tears had finally come when Buck told her they were both fine. Dawn had cried relieved until she fell asleep, clutching their daughter, and he had cried alongside with her. Tears had ran down his face as he carried Blossom to her own bunk, tucking her in with the ragdoll and Dog at the end of the bed. For the first time in his life he had let them all see his tears flowing freely.

"Buck," Dawn spoke again,"I really have to go!"

He nodded and rose to his feet. Gathering her into his hold. She was heavier now, heavier with his child.

She nestled her arms around his neck. "I can walk," she whispered.

"I know," he replied, relief, pride and a need to protect washing over him. "But I don't want ya to!"

"Don't trip," his wife sighed against his neck.

 

 

She woke to the sound of rain hammering the window, a steady fast rhythm. She lay absolutely still for a moment, remembering. It all had happened so fast, she had never intended for the woman to die like that. If it had been in her power she would have faced a judge and a jury. What had happened afterwards seemed like a blur. Kid and Buck had appeared, she was sure of that, she clearly remembered Kid's face. But then, all she remembered was waking from the rain pelting down on her face and Kid's voice asking her from where all the blood was coming. Tiredly she had told him, how much he understood of her rambling, she wasn't sure. But she had asked for Emma, Dawn and all the ones she had feared for. Suddenly there had been other people, she had been wrapped up in a quilt. Voices around her mumbling soothingly. But all she really cared for was the arms around her, holding her. Teaspoon, she remembered Teaspoon looking at her and she had smiled, assuring him she was really fine. He had said something about stealing horses to Kid, shaking his head and muttering. She'd have to ask what all that was about. Then she remembered a long bumpy ride home, and the rain. She had been so tired, more tired than she ever remembered being before. Lying there in her husband's lap she had thought about the woman and what she had lost. Kid mumbling, brushing his lips against her brow. She had fallen asleep, like a baby. Next time she woke she was in her own bed, in a new nightgown and the doc at the feet of their bed, telling her how lucky they all were when she had asked about Dawn and her unborn child.

Slowly opening her eyes she saw the thin, laced cloth, serving as curtains, flutter in the wind. The freshness was overwhelming, it felt like a new world. The room was filled with a soft yellow light that flickered in the draft and she turned her face away from the window. It blinded her at first, the kerosene lamp on their nightstand. But then the picture got clearer. And she smiled.

In a chair by the bed she found part of her family, her lifeline. Kid with his bare feet propped up on the bed, his clothing dirty and torn, the same she remembered from last night. In his lap lay their daughter, entwined in a sheet she slept soundly in her father's arms. Her small hand still loosely holding on to a half-eaten oatmeal cookie, her cheeks smeared with signs of a late night meal. Kid's shirt pocket stuffed with more of the goods. Miss Annabelle Mumblepuss resting folded behind Kid's neck, the same sewed on smile on her face even though it seemed like she was in a really tight spot. Emma's foot sticking out from under the sheet. Kid sleeping with his arm curved around their daughter, her head resting on his chest. His hair sticking out in all directions, crumbles on his collar and Mumblepuss' feet resting on his shoulder.

She stifled a giggle at the sight, her whole body protesting at the movement. But she didn't mind at all.

The sound alerted Kid and he stirred and moved, groaning with discomfort as he did. Opening his eyes to a crack, trying to stay immobile as soon as he realized where he was at. His gaze first looking down on the little girl sprawled over his chest, then over to her."Lou?"

The thirst forced her to reach for the glass on the nightstand.

Kid pulled his feet off the bed and moved to help out, then he looked down at the girl mumbling in her sleep and repositioning herself with an angry grunt.

She gulped the water down and shook her head. "Honey," she whispered, not to wake the little one, "you look like hell."

His eyes rested on hers.

"Why don't you get Emma to her own bed, Kid?" She ordered with a smile, moving to run her hand along her daughter's round cheek. "Looks kinda uncomfortable."

It took a moment for Kid to nod his agreement.

"Go on," Lou urged, sinking back to bed. "ya know how she gets when she's not slept."

Wearily Kid rose and made his way out, stopping in the doorway, looking back. Lou merely nodded, she'd wait.

Listening to the sound of Kid mumbling as Emma stirred in her sleep she turned her face back to the window and the hammering rain. She could have been that woman. It wouldn't have taken much for her to be just like her. Alone, without hope, just a burning hatred accompanying her along the way. So many ifs that could have led her down a similar path. Not even choices, just circumstances. She had held a gun to Wicks, ready to shoot. When Charlotte turned up she had denied ever knowing her, lied about who she was. And still Charlotte had been the one helping her, but all Charlotte was left with was the choice of ending her own life. With all the things that could have gone wrong in her life. She so easily could have been that woman.

"Lou?"

Her eyes flew to the voice, and she forced a smile to her lips, watching him carefully seat himself on the edge of their bed and search for her hand. She wanted to cry of joy to be back home, but she didn't want to startle him. "Get that shirt off ya Kid, I ain't allowin' no crumbles in the bed." She admonished him softly.

"It's alright Lou, I'll just sit here." He let her hand go and awkwardly arranged the quilt around her. "You cold? Want me to close the window?"

"No Kid, I want you to hold me. I need you to hold me."

"Don't wanna hurt ya or that shoulder of yours." He spoke in a whisper, "I'll just sit here till you fall back to sleep, love. I won't go anywhere, I'll be right here when you..."

"Don't say anythin' Kid, just hold me, I need you to."

She closed her eyes when she felt the warmth carefully ease to her side. Kid, holding his breath not to hurt her as he lay down at her side. How the mattress under them shifted and adapted to them. Leaning back to him she gripped his hand tight. The steady slow rise and fall of his chest, the arm snuggling around her, framing her, avoiding her bandaged shoulder. And right then she knew, she understood how small she was in the grand scheme of things. How small they all were. How important all those small things had been in her life, how crucial they had been in bringing her here and nowhere else.

"Lou, remember that day I asked you to marry me?"

She nodded with eyes still closed.

"You asked me to never ride on without you, and I promised I wouldn't."

She knew then, she knew that she had won over the Cause. The south wouldn't have Kid, it might still hold part of his soul but he was undoubtedly hers more than he'd ever belong anywhere else. And lying there, with his warmth against her back and his breath fanning her hair, she knew that she too belonged right here, nowhere else. "I know," she whispered in reply, "and I won't either. I promise."

He buried his face in her hair and inhaled shakily. His voice was garbled when he finally let the air out with the words; "I love you Lou."

She smiled. Belonging. What else was there really in life?

 

 

He stood in the pouring rain near the outhouse and waited for his wife. He was already soaked though but he didn't care. Dawn's refusal to let him in made him smile, sometimes she was more than silly. Specially when she was feeling small and not totally in control. "You alright in there?" he asked through the door.

"Fine," Dawn replied, "I'll be.....Herrajumala!"

The shriek from inside scared the wits out of him. "Dawn?" He pulled hard at the door but it was latched from inside. "Dawn?" Pulling with force again the door finally gave. Something came flapping over his head and next he found himself on his back in the mud. Dawn frenetically trying to crawl over him, her knee hitting him hard in the chest.

"Hold on," he groaned and threw his arms around her to stop her. She slipped and fell head first into the mud. Buck was up on his knees besides her and turned her around. "What the tarnation?" he panted.

Dawn wiped her face, spit some mud out and drew a deep shivering inhale. "It looked at me!"

"What?" Helping her into a sitting position, he wrinkled his brow in confusion.

"It was hangin' there as I reached for the towel, and it looked at me!" Accusingly she growled at Buck, peering at him under strands of soaked hair. Her face smeared with their, undoubtedly not so becoming, soil. "That slimy creature just hung there and looked like it wanted to take a bite outta me!"

The corner of Buck's mouth started twitching threateningly when he finally got the full picture. "A bat?"

His nearly unrecognizable wife, sitting in the mud before him glared back, embarrassed and a bit teed off. "It was huge!"

And Buck laughed. Standing on all fours in the pouring rain he couldn't help but laugh at the woman he loved. After all she had been through in the last couple of days, she went berserk over a bat? A tiny little creature that had taken refuge in their outhouse.

"Shut up!" Dawn winced, poking him in the chest. "It was huge!"

He placed a kiss on her muddy front and laughed even harder, resting his cheek on the top of her head and pulling her into a wet embrace. "But it was just as scared as you were, that poor little thing, it must have gotten locked in there by mistake."

"Poor little thing? Buck, I'm tellin ya, it was huge!" Her eyes narrowed in chagrin.

Still laughing, he rose to help her to her feet. Slipping slightly as he extended his hands to get her into a secure hold, the laughter never wanting to end. "Come here, you look like a stranded mermaid, we gotta get you inside."

Dawn mumbled mildly irritated, that to her knowing he had never seen a stranded mermaid. Clinging to him, she looked down on her own soaked appearance. Then she looked at Buck, letting her gaze wander up and down on him. "Ya know what, I think we gotta take a detour to the water trough."

He smiled at her idea, no wonder people thought they were odd. But her idea was just perfect. How would they otherwise get all this grime off? "I'll go get some towels," he said, lifting the protesting woman into his arms, "you should start praying that no-one sees us."   
He grinned as he started walking. "And I won't let you soak for hours either, you need to be in bed, not chasin' innocent bats," he joshed her.

Dawn's body tingled with giggles and she hid her face at his neck, tickling him with the twitter. He turned his head to look at her through the drizzling rain and she placed a soft kiss on his wet cheek.

"Good to be home," she said.

Epilogue

She snickered while listening in on Rachel debating with the tiny trouble makers. Last night she and Kid had found an empty honey jar filled with crawling ants tucked in a corner of the den. The chase had taken them most of the night, all while Emma had spent the evening hollering at them not to kill her pets. Rachel had paled and moved her things back to Buck and Dawn's house. Muttering that it was time for her to get back to Sweetwater. In the wee hours, when she and Kid had fallen into bed, they were still able to hear Tessa occasionally stomp the floor below.

Now, in retrospect the incident seemed hilarious. But at the time she had been hopping mad. Not believing the astuteness of her offspring. Rachel was on the two girls for their shenanigans since Blossom had confessed she provided the empty jar. But the poor woman did not have a chance. Each and every admonishment or explanation was promptly followed by another "Why - What or How?" From Rachel patiently trying to explain how things that grew or lived outside should be left alone, since nature had a way to take care of its own, the discussion had progressed to potatoes. Lou had never heard of such an interest in potatoes before.

She cast a glance at Dawn sitting by her side on the bench, her bare feet resting on a chair, her face crumpling while she looked into the bowl in her lap, mouth twitching. When their eyes met over beans and potatoes they had to look away and hold their breaths not to burst out in hysterical laughter. Rachel's voice was getting less and less patient as she explained how potatoes were planted, watered and then left alone to finally be boiled, stewed or fried to then be eaten. And no, you can't get already fried or baked potatoes to grow out in the patch behind the house. And you definitely did not need to dig them up and see how they were doing while growing. That one was a definite no-no.

Tessa walked in with a bucket of water. Blossom's inquiry on why potatoes weren't yellow like carrots were if they both grew in the dirt and not on trees like apples did had the young girl roll her eyes. "Rachel. Give it up. Just don't answer them Rachel, they never give up. They got no manners whatsoever."

"Wha' manners?"Emma asked, running over to her aunt and tugging at the long skirt, almost causing Tessa to topple over. With one last step and an irritated snarl Tessa placed the bucket on the desk by the sink. "Watch out, will ya!"

"Why?" Blossom piped in, standing besides her companion and looking innocently wide-eyed at her very annoyed aunt.

"Why?" Tessa sighed, "because you don't sneak up on people like that, I almost fell over you. You coulda gotten hurt. You just don't do things like that!"

"Why?" Emma asked, turning to Rachel.

"Why why why why!" Tessa groaned, "I could scream already!"

"What for?" Blossom asked, walking up in her turn to tug at Tessa's skirt. The mischief in the twinkling eyes causing Lou to stifle yet another twitter.

"You two better watch out, girls," Rachel warned, "I've told you before, you just don't run without lookin' where you're runnin'."

"Why?" Emma's thumb found its way into her mouth, "the Gobble take ya?"

"The what?" Tessa asked confused.

Blossom jumped up and down, clapping her hands in delight before running around and squealing of laughter, "Tess said what!" Her giggle was an echo of her mother's, Lou grinned and looked over to Dawn, who had the good sense to look rather ashamed and very preoccupied with the potatoes.

"Pa says da Gobble' take ya if ya go to da pond all by yaself!" Emma stated firmly. "Ya neve' go to da pond!"

"Right," Rachel nodded, finally getting Kid's intent. "Yes, the gobbler and the pond, yeah, well... he's right. But the Gobbler only stays at the pond and only waits for very, very small girls that shouldn't be alone at the pond to begin with." She rolled her eyes in Lou's direction.

Lou smiled ruefully, the 'Gobbler' sometimes worked wonders when troublemakers tried to sneak off.

There was a tweak as the door opened and the household males walked in. Dog following, traversing the floor with the bowl of water in aim.

"Oh look, 'the gobblers'," Tessa remarked mockingly while reaching out for the bowl of peeled potatoes in Dawn's lap and the beans from Lou's. Miah took the opportunity and sneaked behind her to steal a breadroll out of the basket. Rachel feigned not to see.

"Huh?" Kid asked, still standing by the door, one hand behind his back, Buck besides him, a grin on his face.

"If we wouldn't have had to discuss gobblers, ants, potatoes and God knows what, dinner would have been ready half an hour ago," Tessa groaned.

Buck laughed and walked over to sit by Dawn's side, picking up his running daughter on the way. "I have a feeling dinner will be slightly postponed yet."

"Poss...what?" Blossom asked, snuggling into her father's lap.

"Unca Kid has some explainin' to do, sugartop," Buck grinned.

All the eyes flew to Kid, still standing there, hand behind his back. Looking very guilty and slightly embarrassed.

Emma ran over and latched onto his trouser leg; "Not unca," she protested, "Pa!" Her lower lip pouting, shivering slightly as she admonished the grown ups for not understanding a very important fact of life. Kid looked down at the small form clutched to his leg, like silently contemplating how to proceed before he bowed to awkwardly lift her into his lap and balance her on his free arm. The other hand still behind his back.

"Alright, Kid, what ya got there?" Pointing to the hand behind his back Lou awaited the explanation. Hanging on to his shirt Emma twirled around and peaked over his shoulder. A happy squeal followed by determined wriggling ensued. "Oh Pa! Lemme 'ave 'im!"

"The cat?" Lou asked with narrowing eyes, "you went and got the cat? I thought we decided they're too young to..." Her voice was drenched in the stampede of feet running to the man with the treasure. Lou rolled her eyes as a basket was put on the floor and Kid kneeled down by it. A tiny kitten looking over the rim, wide-eyed and a little startled. With a sigh she listened to Kid telling the girls to be real careful because he was so small, only ten weeks old, a baby really. Both Blossom and Emma clinging to his shirt, looking into the basket, low whispered questions stumbling out of them. Pure love on the small faces, love and awe. Even Dawn joined, carrying Dog in her lap she sank down besides the rest. Cooing at the newcomer. Suddenly there was complete silence in the kitchen, only crooning and soft endearments directed at the yellow tabby that peered up at them. It sounded like they all had found the world's eight wonder in the basket on the floor. Buck remained where he was at, leering at Lou.

Lou shook her head, casting a glance over at Kid. The girls now sitting by his side, watching the kitten's eyes follow Tessa's fingers moving over the floor teasingly. Then the tiger in it took over and it leapt over the brim and attacked Tessa's fingers. The whole kitchen erupted in sounds of admiration at the amazing agility. Dog was put down to salute the newcomer and the tiger balled itself up to a furry ball that wheezed and spat. Dog, being slightly naive, tilted his head and stumbled onwards. Nuzzling at the cat and poking the strange hissing ball with his nose. Kid warned Dog to be careful just before tiny claws sprung out and buried themselves in the unsuspecting nose. Dog yelped and backed into Tessa's lap, eyes wide with surprise. Kid admonished the cat that blatantly disregarded his scolding and advanced on Dog. Dog winced and crept closer to Tessa. Cat got sight of tail and jumped it. Dog put paw out and cat lost balance and fell on its nose. Dog took advantage and licked cat over the head. Cat's whiskers trembled slightly before it seemed to smile smugly, then the little rascal licked Dog over the nose. Dog and Lou were both sold.

She sank down to the floor, right amongst the venerating congregation and took the tiny tabby in her hand. He fitted rather well, only the trampling paws hung out, but he looked perfectly happy all the same. He was soft and warm, squirming a little before looking at her with big enigmatic, childish eyes. Wooing her, using all its charms, yet knowing it aldready had her heart. Letting a finger run over the tiny kitten she smiled at her husband as the tabby purred loudly, the small trunk trembling with the sound that seemed too big for such a small thing. Her husband looked peevishly at her, just like a little boy caught with his fingers in the strawberry jam.

"Well," she said, "guess, she'll get all what she wants now."

Dawn looked at her, brow wrinkled as she took the kitten off her hand, stroking it tenderly. The girls now around her, small fingers tenderly touching the fur. Dawn smiled and cooed at all three yougens before turning back to Lou. "What'ya mean...oh!" She giggled and peered at Lou, "that explains a lot."

"Huh?" Kid asked, his eyes darting between the two gleeful women on the floor. "Who... what..."

"Sometimes, Kid, you're so thickheaded!" Dawn said with a deep sigh while she rose and walked to feed the cat, the rest of the congregation following her. Dog last in the procession.

Lou peered at her husband. "Well," she started, "all I'm sayin' is now that you provided the cat and 'da sista' is in the makin', well not that I can promise a 'sista' but anyhow..."

Kid crawled over the floor to sit behind her before wrapping his arms around her. He clutched her into his hold and buried his face at her neck. "You're...we're.....a ..."

Lou twitched, embarrassed at the public display of affection, but reached out a hand to pat the head at her shoulder. He might be thickheaded and not very eloquent but he was darned adorable.

"So that's why you all but threw up on me the other day?" He mumbled the words to her neck and Lou snickered. Slightly mortified at the memory of that morning a couple of days ago, she nodded, guilty as charged. Kid pulled her closer and she leaned into his hold, smiling while he rocked her and placed a kiss on her temple. "I was gettin' worried," he confessed.

Tessa towered above them. "Hate to break up the celebration but there's some folks that need to walk this floor if there's gonna be any dinner tonight." With a teasing twinkle in her eyes she placed her hands at her waist. Emma turned up at her side, looking at her aunt and positioning herself likewise. "Yah," she nodded, looking very determined. "Some 'ave to wa'k 'is floo'."

Kid buried his face in Lou's hair and laughed softly; "Don't know if I can take any more sisters, Lou."

"I don't think you have a choice, Gobbler," Tessa snickered and pointed the forks she was holding at him. "Take your wife and get outta my way so I can set the table."

"My Pa!" Emma protested wildly and clasped her fingers around Kid's leg as he rose with Lou still clutched in his hold. "No Gobble!"

Lou turned and buried her face in his shirt, laughing helplessly at the faces Kid and Emma made. Kid picked the protesting girl up and Lou draped her arms around them both. They truly were adorable gobblers, father and daughter alike.

And when one had Gobblers - what else did one need?


End file.
